Thursday, December 30, 2010


Sea of People (The Party)*

[I was going to put a picture here, but all I found for parties were drunk girls and 1800's socials. I considered also including Native Americans in this post somehow someway, but I guess that will haveto wait until some other time. Enjoy]

The cold winter air, a steep hill, and a sniffy nose all prevented me from ascending the driveway that cold December evening, but not twenty seconds later I found myself facing the house on top of the hill, waving goodbye to my parents as they zoomed off. I was actually delighted that I hadn't asked my parents to drive me up- the view of several twentieth century-styled houses was a temptation I could not resist. Five minutes later, I found myself ringing the doorbell, cupcakes in hand. To my surprise, Ethan answered the door. He made some small, witty remark on how I was only getting in because I had brought food, but nonetheless he swung the door open and allowed me to scurry into the warmth of the piercingly-lit house. I was only ten minutes late from the time on the invitation, yet it seemed as though the party had not yet begun! Several people loitered in the living room and kitchen, but despite them, the house was, to my knowledge, empty. It was quite shocking, seeing as the party was put on for the many generations of the school's speech team. I first ran into my coach, Mr. McDaniel Senior (who everyone respectfully calls E-Mick, to alienate him from his son, D-Mick). We both exchanged hellos as he played the part of the gracious host and showed me where to hang my coat. Even though I was a silent part of the team, I still contributed enough to where I definitely was a factor to the success of the team.

When more of my teammates arrived, we all relocated to the basement, also known, that night, as the "ping-pong table" room. People broke up into their little groups, like we had at tournaments, in practices, and even sometimes in school. Even those teammates who were now in college still maintained to join their little cliques. Some things really never do change, I thought. I sat alone, just observing the ping-pong game and the groups as they all mingled separately. The party ensued like this, and I soon managed to join a smaller group of people, one of which I could call my quote-on-quote "best friend" on the speech team. Angela was sincerely a nice person, and she had a way with telling story that was beyond extraordinary. She just naturally weaved enjoyable stories out of thin air, like a witch would do magic. We had split further apart this year than the last two years we'd shared together. Earlier that year, she did something less-than-admirable at my expense, and that single thing made me feel extremely irritably for her for months. But that was months ago- at the party, I barely remembered why I was mad at her anymore, nor did I hold an empty grudge. No grudge, no hostile feelings- all I felt was a longing to fix a broken friendship.

After some well-spent socializing time had passed, the carnivorous teenagers began going upstairs in pursuit of food. I silently followed, hungry myself. I found myself in a sea of people, most of which I had never seen before in my life. My curiousity spiked when I saw all the older people not of my time- I feel sad, because our existences mean next to nothing to each other. I feel as though I missed out on an individual's total life, and can only comply with in and see those people and not even remember the next day those glimpses of their life I did witness.

The teenage teammates, by the time I had reached the table filled with food, had almost ravaged and abducted every last pizza (except for those saved by the adults- they had enough sense to remember what being a teenager was like). I hastily stuffed the last piece in my mouth, savoring the sweet tomato taste. Afterwards, we went into another room, where the freshmen girls and D-Mick and his friends were staying. I recognized all of his friends from his party two years ago (although I doubt they remember me) except for one. He was D-Mick's brother, who had been studying abroad in the freezing Northern region of the Netherlands. D-Mick had told several extraordinary stories about him, so it was impossible for me not to sneak glances at him. He was a reserved, quiet fellow, and had eyes like a madman. His eyes were a blue so deep, I could not even begin to consider what he was thinking, nor what kind of thoughts stirred in his mind. I was further intrigued, but the game we were playing suddenly ended. He retired to another room, and my Mom texted me, telling me she was parked at the end of the driveway. The party wasn't over, but I had no choice, so I hugged Angela goodbye, grabbed my coat, and slipped out the door without so much as a yell goodbye my way. I'd never felt more free as I did when I descended down the winding drive. The cold embraced me like an old friend.

*Note: First draft. :) It is a true story, but I changed some of the details up, just because I was considering submitting it to a contest, and if it were to ever get out, I would feel extremely weird putting peoples' real names and situations. I know I need to change my sentence structure because it sounds repetitive (it's naturally how I think- I tried to make it flow, at least), but whattaya think? :D

I'll leave you with this. CLICK.

love him [chase coy]. love them [the stars in general haha]. adore it [the shirt]. ^^

I'll be gone for a couple of days (and before I got to upload/finish/type my memoir- poopy!), so if you love me, you'll wait, right? :]

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Saturday, December 25, 2010

I have a lot of things on my mind right now, but, before I go onto anything else...


[even though Christmas only lasts for like an hour and a half more where I live] :)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Festivus, everyone!

Sunday, December 19, 2010


A while back, I read a book about a girl who made plans. All she did with her times was make plans. She made plans on falling in love with a boy, with a town, with a house, with a job, and with her own life. But, what made her different from all of the other dreamers is that eventually, after gaining the courage and wanting them all so bad, she broke those plans free from the notebook she wrote them all in and made them all come true.


Saturday, December 18, 2010

a pleasing post [by me]

things I find pleasing [especially combined]:
lightning bugs, or lanterns, or strung christmas lights.
long plaid shirts of any color.
night. fall, spring, summer, fall- it does not matter.
stars, to go along with that.
the sunrise or sunset. the change is calm.
a HUGE tent, or a cabin.
a close group of friends, all together.
someone with gorgeous eyes.
the strum of an acoustic guitar.
a soft hum, like a lullaby.
dancing to the music.
big coniferous trees, and how they whistle in the wind.
a fire.
smores, or hot cocoa.
a long hug.
an old-fashioned radio. besides that, no technology.
secrets being shared.
birds. especially owls, and birds with pretty songs to sing.
art of some sort. poetry, or sketches.
fleurs. like moon lilies- they glow brilliantly.
talking of the near/far future, and the far past.

Those are the kind of things I want to think about all the time. When I finally fall into bed and start to fall asleep; when the sun comes up from its slumber; when I am with the people I really care about. I want to gather up some friends and do this one night, with no preparation. Just hey, grab this this and this. That is the essence of it- to enjoy it on just any night.

OR, it  might just be my seventeenth birthday... :)

I wanted to finish this post by saying that I really am trying to comment more on the blogs I follow. I read most of them, I just don't reply much. But, believe me, I do wholeheartedly admire you all.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Merry Friday


I'm gonna start dreaming up my dream house, and getting ready to live in it [which for me gathering random things I'd want to take with me to decorate]. A greenhouse + library is REQUIRED for my dream house, though. Ever since I read this one love story about a girl falling in love with a vampire [with the same name as my penpal, Florian], I've been obsessed with the idea of it. ♥

[If I can't afford a big house with that, though, I am going to live in either a small cottage like these in Seattle [but really anywhere] or in a cool decked-out apartment with a loft and all that OR a cabin in the woods- I'm not very picky what/where, just as long as I can work with it it'll be fine]. I'll update on mine if I ever figure it all out.

What does your dream house look like?

Macky :)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I can't tell if he likes me or if I just make funny faces when I eat.

This is actually something I wrote yesterday, but felt it wasn't enough to "blog" about until today. When actually, like I had thought, the answer I am pretty sure is the latter of the two. I am just going on a hunch, of course, but from seeing him with a girl hung under his shoulder, I'm gonna stick with my gut on this one. Some of you know that is just how it works sometimes [or for me, as of now, all the time].

But I am incredibly proud of myself for not letting this one situation in life waste me away, as most things of the past have done.

Single swagger here. [I feel weird just typing that, because that is totally not me at all, but this song is kind of catchy.]

You ever notice those odd, almost ironic situations in life? Those moments where the irony is so subtle, but it feels like it is all written in a book somewhere? I was on the bus this morning, watching out of the window as the sun began to just rise and barely hit the snow, when we passed the meat-packing factory in our town [or at least that's what I think it is]. There was the silhouette of a man looking out of a window there, regarding the highway and the outside world. It felt odd, to know that someone can be looking out of a place where everyone is so curious as to what is on the inside [the whole meat-packing process]. Personally, I am just slightly interested as to what our "meat" is made of, really, but would prefer to just eat my meat in peace [if you do know please do not tell me].

Another moment was when I went up into my coach's room to take a test [an academic team tryout test- don't judge] during his plan period. The room was eerily quiet, compared to how boisterous it is during academic team practice. But it was serene and calm, like the placid water of a lake. I could look out the window [it was about 10:30, when the sun is still just rising], and the light glimmered off of the snow like gold.

I don't know- I'm just confused as why I can pick out all of these elements of literature in real life, but I am not even novice at picking them out in actual literature. But at the same time, I really am thankful for these little moments that work like real thoughts, original ideas that actually aren't written in a book, but are written in your mind.

Everyone in my school is hoping for a snow day tomorrow, so you might see more of me very soon,
Macky :D

Monday, December 13, 2010

What's a Tumblr?

I mean I have one [I just made it today because I was bored and having writer's block- I kind of like to think of tumblr as my writer's block writing space, and Blogger as my maybe-has-value writing space], but I am so confused as to how to use it. I think I may have the hang of it, though, but what is up with reblogging and liking things?
Here it is.

*Note: I will follow you back, whenever I find out how to. :)

Spreading Some Christmas Cheer [hint/hint/playlist]

Ahhhh I am so happy to be finished with my stressful week. It sincerely feels like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Today is also the first snow day of the year, and the day Dirk comes home, so I'm pumped. :D

We used to have this day every year in elementary school, where we'd each travel in groups and learn about the different holidays of the world. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, plus Christmas in the different countries we had always never thought over. We made crafts/ornaments for each holiday, and we did not really have to do anything else with them, besides maybe keep them somewhere in them where we can look at them every once in awhile. Sure, we learn about "French Christmas" and "Spanish Christmas" in our foreign language classes today, but I wish we still had that tradition in high school.

I am sorry to say I really do not remember those traditions, so please do not plan to stop reading just because you don't celebrate it [if you do celebrate something different, PLEASE WRITE ABOUT IT! :)].

Anyways, I was looking at Court's page, and saw this post and watched the video, and goodness it made my day. I'm no Office fanatic, but that is adorable. Especially when Jim explains Plans A, B and C. Man, I want a guy like that, and I will settle for no less.

But, randomly, once the video was over, out of nowhere, I heard Christmas music playing from a playlist on her page. It really confused me at first, because I thought at that point I had just become crazy about Christmas.

Once I realized I had not gone completely insane, ping- a Christmas miracle [idea] was born!

So, in the name of the holiday season, I want to spread some cheer for you through a special homemade Christmas playlist [baked with love!]. My Dad is convinced he sounds exactly like Bing Crosby, or Nat King Cole, I don't really remember, but he sings all of the classics. So, I tried to avoid those unless I really liked them or I found another version. Enjoy [the music, because almost all of the videos stink]!

Here we go...

1. Wonderful Christmastime- Paul McCartney
I loveee this song [oldest-looking video ever created, though]. If you have ever seen the cartoon movie Rudolph, I used to sing that song repeatedly, even in the middle of July. I didn't know it was by Paul McCartney until I looked it up just today.

2. Little St. Nick- Beach Boys
Court had this one on her list, too, but I think it is one of the better Christmas songs, mostly because it combines sunny happiness with snowy happiness. It takes a genius [or several] to combine the two.

3. Sleigh Ride- Andy Williams
I am currently jamming out to this song. I want to go on a sleighride with someone I care about, eventually. That's one of those cheesy love holiday rituals I think would be adorable, but necessary.

4. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch [No clue]
If you are kind of a pessimist and down about Christmas [I do know some], here you go. Sorry, I couldn't find one good video.

5. Roslyn- Bon Iver
I could post Bon Iver songs forever, for every playlist, forever. They're the most perfect lullabies to lull you to sleep [actually, it's better if you don't know the lyrics- I have had this song for months, and still don't know the words]. A cold, starry night; a warm, toasty bed; and Bon Iver- I was up three hours later one night, in the middle of slumber and awareness, in heaven on Earth.

6. Peppermint Winter- Owl City
I just got this song a week or two ago. Owl City is delightful, really, but definitely this one is.

7. Snow Miser/Heat Miser
I didn't grow up in a family that traditionally watched those old Christmas movies made in like the 1960's, but this is the one thing I remember.

In order to fully celebrate this playlist, though, you need to watch Home Alone 1 & 2, and drink hot cocoa next to the fireplace under a warm blanket.

Mack :]

Sunday, December 12, 2010

It didn't fit like a dream [just a bit too big], but trust me, it was a dream. ♥ I think anyone can feel beautiful, in a dress like that- a dress that has beauty indescribable by words.

Speaking of dreams, I have had some bizarre ones lately. Last night, in a dream, a wasp [I am terrified of them] was perched on my ring finger. Scared to death, I tried to wave it away, but all it ended up was poking me, and when I waited for the pain and didn't get it, I woke up.

Most of my dreams either include impossibly thought-up places, like buildings with slides and rope-stairs and "elevators" you fall down. One I had was inspired by Quebec, with fantastic buildings and a slide to the center of town square. All these dreams about places is why I kind of think about possibly becoming an architect someday- it's so delightful, to me at least. :)

Another majority of my other dreams include running and moving. I slept on my stomach one night and had a dream where I was running on my knees. Like even in my dreams, I wasn't running correctly, compared to everyone else. It was super-awkward. Others, I run away from people with other people, going on adventures that I cannot complete in real life.

Mack :)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

My family's Christmas tree!
[Well, the bottom.]

Friday, December 10, 2010

I was almost positive that today was going to be the day where everything would come together, and all of the worries and fears I had would fall away to make room for better, easier things; nay, my world came crashing down on me in more ways than I had ever imagined. At least there is no big test tomorrow.

I'm reliving the same problems I had two years ago, so much the same that it's uncanny. Is today an episode on a sitcom broadcasting on the other side of the world? Tell me world, how does this episode end? History always repeats itself- we just have live through it or study it to know what to do when it happens again. I will make sure the ends will not match.

For the first time, I cried reading a book, mostly because I expected it to read like the 5th-grade reading level it seemed, like the author's other novels, but it was in fact at the high-school level. Smiles to Go, by Jerry Spinelli. Also wrote Stargirl. And Maniac McGee. The same author I read from in primary school, I read again as an eleventh grader in high school. It was more heartfelt than any other novel I had ever read. Even though it's heart-wrenching, I whole-heartedly recommend it. Very profound- made me think about things, but things I'm too tired to write out. I'll post an explanation/quote here tomorrow sometime, hopefully.

Visited by Paranoia when She is Exhausted,

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Cheap infactuation is a tarpit [no, that doesn't read armpit, although it stinks like one]. You fall deeper and deeper, and while you risk your life to get free, you fall faster. But I made it out alive of one, as impossible as it seemed (especially when everytime I saw those hopeful [lying] eyes I got lost in, I just fell down deeper). I struggled to the top, and stood up on steady ground, for the first time in what feels like (and what really was) years. And now that I can finally begin to breathe and marvel at my accomplishment, I'm already falling back into another tarpit. A stupid shallow punk tarpit that isn't even worth my time, to tell you the truth. I refuse to get sucked back, though, especially after falling once, and all it did was make me the fool. I learned my lesson the hard way. I will not be made the fool again, nor will I make another innocent soul the fool. It just can't happen- not again...

Anyone who would be so fantastic as to inspire me to do my personal anectdote essay, please feel free to leave a comment below.

I'm currently going through hell, if you're wondering. I have a lot of deadlines- many being Friday. And the ACT (a HUGE test I needed to study for, but didn't have enough time with everything else) Saturday (which I now do not plan to do, and if my mother forces me to, I will fail miserably, so it's a lose-lose situation either way). And my still unbought dress, which has to be bought before this weekend, otherwise I am going to destroy things. I keep praying that we won't have school Friday. Or I will die before then (one can only dream). I also keep on saying/thinking "next week" repeatedly, but this is the first time in a long time where I have KNOWN it will really be better. So, I'm still being positive, in a sort of freaking-out-brain-explosion way.

I have grown to dislike contractions the last couple of days.

Everyone this week has told me that they "hate people (in general, I assume)." Obviously, they've just been around the wrong type of people. I like to pride myself in thinking I'm a good person, a real human being, but lately I've been more like a maniacal schoolwork-monkey machine.

Anyway, sorry for the randomness, just trying to convey some thoughts that maybe will inspire you, somehow. Or me. Or do nothing for you, but I feel LOADS better from writing this- just to get it all out. I hope you all are doing okay.

Safe travels,
Mack :]

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Look On the Bright Side of Things. (:

I wish I came up with this... sorry to disappoint you [but also enlighten you through this quote at the same time... whoa- too late for conflicting thoughts].

Friday, December 3, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Shy Songbird

Once upon a time, there was a lilac-colored bird that couldn't fly. She could walk, or ride a bicycle, but never fly. It was the way she was born, and that was that.

For this reason, she had very few friends, besides her folks. The fish whom she visited when he didn't have to hide from the enforcers, and the balloon she had found at a parade long ago, named Murray, were the only others that truly understood the young, shy, misunderstood bird.

One day, she went out for a serene bicycle ride, and planned on having a splendid little picnic with the fish and Murray. She only brought a jar of jam, but it was that same jam from the blackberry plant she had grown in the backyard that had caused the fish to surface and their friendship to kindle.

Going out onto the path, she ran into no trouble or creatures- only delights. Acres of wildflowers scattered through the path, and from the wooden bridge she could see her own reflection in the water.

Upon crossing the bridge, she sat along the water's edge, waiting for the fish to come. Murray became quickly impatient, having other things to do with his time, so he floated away. But she still waited. After hours, it became dark, and she was still waiting. Nothing irregular stirred in the water, except for the momentary fish passing through.

So upset with her friend's absence, she began to brush herself off from the dirt on her feet after hours of sitting on the cold rocky ground. Out of nowhere, a gust of wind picked her up off of her feet and flung her over the water. Afraid, she spread out her wings, and, for the first time, began to fly. She soon met some new friends, and flew where they did. The fish had become a speck in her mind, as sadness floats away on the wings of time. She was now happy.

[I don't really know why I wrote that, so don't ask me where it came from. It was all just supposed to be lovely and sweet, even though it's kind of sucky. But it's meant to be sweet, kind of like a bedtime story, at least to me. I also used to have "bird-hair" as a kid, so that's where the bird comes from [and they can fly, so that kinda makes more sense instead of, say, a deer flying, although I love fawns, too]. Don't judge me [harshly]- I'm stressed, and kind of needed this...]

Mack :]


Monday, November 29, 2010

*Actually, it hasn't snowed here yet. Quite sad, really.

Like Jack & Jill,
The two of us together
But we're not falling in love,
Darling, we're just falling.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I realized today, as I've gone through life, I really don't solve my problems. I sit here and freak out about them, until they just seem to evaporate. And right when I'm sure they're gone, they come back. And it all hurts worse than ever.

Especially. Right. Now.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Adventure, & What It Means To Me

I could sincerely sit, with this song [or others like it] on replay, for hours upon hours. And the band name is Pomplamoose, so it makes my life just that much better.

My last week or two has had the increasing theme of adventure, and French, and the two combined; but alas, I have been sick, and I have not been able to say much [literally]. So, now that I'm feeling better, here it is , I guess. :)

Secret #12365472: I know that people in France don't just fill up their "stereotype" and eat crossaints, smoke, and wander around the streets while listening to this song all day [I don't remember where that seems familiar, but it was kind of brilliant], but I wish they did- or I wish I did [minus the smoking- I'd just stare at the sky]...

Fact #1236765456497: I know that I'm cheesy and a dreamer, but French has been the one thing, the one subject, that I have loved since I was a small child, even though in the beginning I couldn't speak five words of it. I used to not know the words, but sing to the tune of Habenera [a French opera piece, by Bizet]. The only phrase I really knew was excusez-moi, and anything French caught my eye [which sadly at that time was only references in cartoons and French-loaf bread].

France/French, for whatever reason, just gives me a spirit of adventure. I always ask myself why such a love for one thing has come about [figuring it out means some deep investigation on my part// into the things long forgotten but still leave their marks], but that's one mystery I'd only like to make bigger without disrupting.

That's why I am more excited than I have ever been for anything, to be finally going to France, in about 120 days. Four months from now, I'll be seeing and experiencing something that isn't just mine to experience, or any other person who has stayed their entire life on the North American continent [Quebec is not the same, trust me], but millions of other people in one country across the ocean. I don't care how adventure was defined by those people long gone who sat in cold dark classrooms and wrote all the definitions down [dictionarinites?], it's something you feel in your heart, and France makes me feel it more than anything else in the world. :)

I guess I should explain where this crazy dream of an idea came from, as of recent. Have you ever seen the movie Up, about the old man and his adventure with his house? I really think you should- although the beginning is sad, the rest of it is fantastic. Very adorable- especially the music. Well, we watched it en francais, while my French teacher was gone. I could understand less of it than I could other movies [Tim Burton's Corpse Bride I could decipher quite well], but it just had a shine in French that it didn't have in English. The house does fly, but it seemed as though it flew higher, the balloons were brighter [yeah, he floats his house into the sky with balloons- how cool is that?]. His adventure is of life and love, though, which most of us [or at least me] are too young to fully understand.
Maybe it's in the fact that the adventure in this country [The United States] seems long run-out. Almost everywhere has a McDonalds [haha- I'm not kidding], and even in the most remote of areas you still probably have cell phone service or Wifi. It's sad, really- like we're all dressed up with nowhere to go.
Oh, but we had adventure, at one point- more than just about anyone else. Our unsettled frontier called out to people, to pioneer and settle, to make order out of chaos, metaphorically. But now that order has turned back to chaos in another form, in the form of a loss of adventure. The only things that seem to have adventure left in them are the things long gone, like the ruins of cities/buildings, or those places preserved in time.
Maybe the real adventure is just in experiencing something new, something unfamiliar. I'm not sure- I'll tell you in 120+11 days, when I get back [OR while I'm there, but that's a longshot].
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving- what are you thankful for?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

This is so surreal outofthisworld CRAAAZY to look at.
 I don't belong in this time period. Even though I'm not sure where, or most importantly when, everywhere else [in the past] feels/seems better than here.

France takes up every single piece of my mind right now- it keeps me unfocused, but happy, at least. I can feel my life beginning to change, even though it's one-hundred+ days away, and it'll only last eleven days of my life.

I [finally, right?] saw Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows [Part 1] today. To be honest, I didn't expect very much from it [I had predicted the enterprise to go downhill after my favorite movie, the Goblet of Fire, came out- and I didn't fancy the last two very much], but it was sincerely fantastic. I want to go see it again, before it comes out on DVD/blueray/the other newest electronic playing device and whatnot.

Yeah, that's about all the time I have for tonight. I did have some whiny posts I came up with yesterday, but I really didn't think they'd be worth anyone else's time. It's like I've become too lazy to develop my ideas, except in my mind [or maybe I'm just being selfish and keeping them there, as secrets].

Macky :]

Check this out, please, just cause I think it's cool, and a good song.

Friday, November 19, 2010

People are brutal sometimes.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Hey there, readers! Sorry I kinda have fallen off the face of the Earth for most of this week without any consultation besides the cheap laughs and shallow things I left in my absence. I've been kind of sincerely depressed and unmotivated this week, so this is my post to make up for it.

For the past couple of days I have been speaking differently, & stumbling over my words. Maybe because I'm stuffed up like a turkey on Thanksgiving, but I'm not sure yet.

I read "Will Grayson, Will Grayson" the other day. It was slightly depressing at parts, and didn't exactly "improve" my week. But overall it's good, I guess- just different.

"I look at Jane for a long time and a slow smile creeps over her face. Her whole face changes when she smiles- this eyebrow-lifting, perfect-teeth-showing, eye-crinkling smile I've either never seen or never noticed. She becomes pretty so suddenly that it's almost like a magic trick- but it's not like I want her or anything."

[I like quotes like this- the quotes that explain human nature/how we work really interest me.]

I am quite upset that the song above [called Sunshine by Stephen Jerzak], bears a resemblance to the song "Hey There Sunshine" I came up with that I wanted him to sing. :/ I do like this one, too, though. :)

Hey there sunshine
Won't you be mine?
Out of the dark you pull me into the light
And then when I'm feeling down
Ya make the whole world seem bright...

That's all I got [that I liked], but still. It's an uncanny coincidence.

On another note, I found my old journals from Creative Writing class last year! Yippee! I would scan them and put them on here in their original form, but they are quite enigmatic [even to me], so I guess I'll just type some of them out soon, as their own posts. I was quite impressed, myself, so be looking forward to those. :)

Today, I cleaned my room, and cleared out all the junk in it. My Mom was right- it does feel better having a clean room [even though making it that way is time-consuming]. It's kind of like taking a bath, just feeling clean and organized- I don't know how to describe that feeling.

I actually had an amazing day yesterday, so much that it feels like too long ago. We went through the "Underground" part of Cincinnati [I live 30 minutes away and I still can't spell it] in its worst district. It was scary, but I really wanted to explore. I like being really interested in something for awhile- not like reading, but more visually. To come across things that are interesting [to see, in real life] just make my day. I don't understand why high schoolers really don't get field trips. Some of us are just as interested in things as elementary schoolers are. I got to spend the day with some one that I could just let it out to, finally. That's all I really needed- someone to talk to, face-to-face, about anything. I am SO thankful for her.

*Sigh.* I think that's it.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Monday, November 8, 2010

I have no time, yet I'm "wasting" my time on here, compared to what I should be doing, which is preparing for the ACT [whoo].

Oh man, I just finished the worst book I have ever read yesterday. It was just utterly disturbing, every single part of it. In fact, I recommend you not to read it. It's called In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote- a book about a pair of serial killers. I'm going to finish this dumb project, and never pick up that book ever again, just because it was THAT awful. If you ever hear this book is an upcoming work in your English class, shuddering would be an appropriate response.

The worst part about it is how your expectations play tricks on you, & eventually defy you. Every single naive part of me just died a little bit, and I'm quite disappointed with the human race right now. Once again, it's just a grotesque novel, if I do say so.

Ahaha. (: Anyways, while I wasn't wanting to punch the world [and myself] in the face today, I took a bit of time to reflect & daydream. Any time with me that isn't concerned with sad thoughts, or the future, or homework, it's about love. I keep having this recurring daydream, where I really want to preserve my friend's heart, which another one of my friends apparently shattered a while back, and a new one might soon break. It's not the matter that I think I "care too much" [although I probably do care a considerable amount more] about this person, it's just that it's weird to think about people, especially when it's extremely doubtful that any "relationship" will form. In fact, I don't really want one, just because with some certain people, I'd rather be friends with them for awhile than waste it all on some "relationship" in high school. I lost a really good friend that way, & I don't plan on doing it again.

Sorry, that's a recurring thought that I'm pretty sure I've addressed billions of times, but I only remember doing a million.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

"The internet is made of people. People matter. This includes you. Stop trying to sell everything about yourself to everyone. Don’t just hammer away and repeat and talk at people—talk TO people. It’s organic. Make stuff for the internet that matters to you, even if it seems stupid. Do it because it’s good and feels important. Put up more cat pictures. Make more songs. Show your doodles. Give things away and take things that are free. Look at what other people are doing, not to compete, imitate, or compare … but because you enjoy looking at the things other people make. Don’t shove yourself into that tiny, airless box called a brand—tiny, airless boxes are for trinkets and dead people."

Wow. I just noticed that one of my first dreams was actually inspired by Dumb & Dumber. It's when Jim Carey is dreaming about Mary Swanson, the girl that they are driving thousands of miles to go see. He goes through these "romantic" montages about the two together [only one is "sexual" ya pervs], but I'm only referring to the one where they are socializing with a bunch of other people in a cabin.

The earliest dream I can remember is about being with a large group of people, all in a cabin. I was just a young kid at the time, but I always felt older. I still do, feel older, in the area of some things. Everyone was wearing those ugly Christmas sweaters, and sitting around on couches in the main room, laughing & talking, like in Dumb & Dumber [except, you know, not "dumb-ly"]. The only difference I can think of was that there was also a guy with a guitar, and they didn't look like they were of "this time." The women [although I don't remember too many] had big hair, and the men had big goatees, & kind of looked like that artist guy who used to do paintings like it was a coloring book [Bob Ross yeah!].

I really dislike that all of my dreams are influenced lately by things that happened that day, usually [although it definitely provides a new twist on the events].

All except last night, I mean. I had a dream about my French penpal [I've only seen pictures of him], and ohmygoodness, he was so cute. Especially in this "real life" situation, because he was so cute. It's sad, that only in my dreams I can be "flirty" [God, how I dislike that word, but it's true].

I've been on a John Green [fantastic writer] spree lately, & Eleanor Roscuro, writer over at Musings of an Undiscovered Genius [which I recommend whole-heartedly], posted a quote by him. From there, she led me to find that he actually has a tumblr, so I can now look at his postings and quote him ALL THE TIME. Check it out, at! Don't forget to be awesome- that's their saying. (:

Urgh, I have so much more to blog about, but so little time. I hope I'll find some more time tomorrow, because I've really missed coming up with good things to type about.


Monday, November 1, 2010

143 DAYS! :D

Growing Cold, Growing Up

Sigh. My Dad and I shared our loneliness together yesterday evening, passing out candy to the little kids. I was a werewolf [which really wasn't that scary at all- all I had on was a hat and painted my nose black], but all of the little kids looked petrified. Sigh. Yet another blow to my self-esteem.

I'm sixteen, and this was my first year of not going trick-or-treating. I would have gone if someone was there to go with me, but they weren't. It seems like that is a passage of growing up, not going trick-or-treating [although some people just like candy, and will do it anyway, at any age].
God, I felt like a punk. Smelling like wood smoke [even still today], painting nails [and nose] black, jamming out to Muse in the cold, empty darkness.

It's November- that means it's slowly getting colder every day.

"So please don't blow away..."


Sunday, October 31, 2010

Saturday, October 30, 2010

What Made My Week

I'm sincerely in love with writing lists, and being quite detailed with everything, so this is a way to express that love of everything this week.

A club meeting.
Making a hilarious video about recycling that is to be shut in a tomb forever.
A tornado warning.
A bomb threat [this actually kind of sucked, but I got out of PreCalculus, and anything that gets me out of that class is fine with me].
Volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House [definitely could see volunteering a lot there in my future].
Entire several hours of just French speaking, and English subtitles.
Compliments from some VERY unlikely people.
Somebody being more outgoing than me and talking to me.
A few quite-cute guys [not that I talked to them or anything, just seeing them made my week].
A haunted house where I wasn't very scary [at least I didn't make anyone cry].
Finding three [or really four] Waldos in real-life.
BigCityDreams by NeverShoutNever. :]
Waking up at twelve in the afternoon.
Some freaking humongous cupcakes on the counter right now.
[Haven't tried one yet, but the anticipation building up inside of me is amazing.]
TWO story ideas [I'M WORKING ON 'EM, PEOPLE].
A Halloween party tonight.
Celebrating Halloween tomorrow.
[Really, having an excuse to wear my wolf hat for three days straight.]
Every blogger & follower in the world [even the ones I don't know... yet] :D

That was quite a long list, and I could add more, but I think I'll leave it at that. We had a Halloween contest at our school, and the winners were the different characters of Clue. Oh man, they were fantastic.

I'm kind of frightened- my best friend is bringing his girlfriend home today. Truthfully, I'd be more relieved if they didn't try to come and see me than if they did [because I'm quite an awkward person around people I don't know], but I'd also be quite upset if they didn't try, too [because he's my best friend and all and should at least try on those kinds of things]. Oh, and I'm not showered, so that would be something to do. I'm just a nervous person all-around today, but also happy.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Lions, Tigers, & Bears- OH MY!

This actually has nothing to do with this post, I'm just still obsessed with The Catcher in the Rye and all.

Well, this week has been interesting so far, and it's only Wednesday! Yesterday, there was a tornado drill [which was really just a storm with 65mileperhour gusts of wind], and today, there was a bomb threat, which kept us from lunch for an hour [and our class is already one of the last classes to eat, so that was not cool]. People are taking bets on what tomorrow will hold for us. A volcano? A black hole? An earthquake? Even just a normal day? [Friday sure as heck won't be, since it's Halloween-costume day] Really, it's all very exciting, because there aren't a lot of days where one day has something that is humongously different from the last.

I'm working on a [short] story/memoir, just for kicks and all. The whole idea is a good one [or in my opinion, worthy enough to write about], but the story is kind of bland in subject matter. Woo, wooden roses and a yard sale. I'm trying to spice it up, but how I struggle on wording things "perfectly" seems to be my downfall. It kills me. Really, it does. Overall, there's a lot of struggles right now [I hope you don't have too many though], but I'm learning from each of mine.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I whisper my thank-you's. Is that peculiar? I am painfully shy, but maybe it's that they're really meant to be whispered, like secrets between true friends.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Phony People

"That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking somebody'll write 'Fuck you' right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say 'Holden Caulfield' on it, and then what year I died, and then right under that it'll say 'Fuck you.' I'm positive, in fact."

I finally finished The Catcher in the Rye today. It was fantastic, but it didn't exactly have a "happy" ending. Then again, most books I've read lately haven't had one, either. Once again, a big shoutout to Kay for suggesting it to me, and I shall pass that responsibility on to you. :D

Today has been extremely enlightening, especially for a Monday. Mondays & I have never had a good history together. But I have been talking to my pen-pal quite a bit today. I'm not going to lie, he is seriously one of the cutest boys in the universe. It kills me, whenever he messes up his English [but not so much when I seriously can not understand what he is saying. :/] :D

We were having a discussion in English class about our generation, as the age of the Info-Glut. She pointed out that most people just read things [specifically referring to the Internet] to get a point of them, and that was all. A majority of people don't really read to just read, in this darn age. It's sad really, especially because I don't specifically write tailoring to those people. If all of you fantastic bloggers were to, then where would all these great ideas turn up at [a lot of them probably go unread/unthought normally, though, by a general public, despite "followers." That's why I'm thankful for all of my followers- I know they are fantastic people, and have true souls.]?

Oh, but right. Phony people. In the book, Holden refers to hating school because he's surrounded by all these phony people, that don't act true to themselves, or are really shallow in a sense. Today, I felt exactly like that. There's only really two people in our school that don't seem phony, and one is one of the sweetest boys in the school [not that I like him or anything, he just is], while the other is one of my best friends who unless she's hiding a heck of a lot from everyone, she's real, too.

But no, I'm severely disappointed with just one person, specifically. I never really noticed how much of a problem he has. I never thought it was a major problem, until today. Goodness. I just wanted to jump over the desk and put him in place. I swear, there's nothing that bugs me more than a person who thinks they know more than everyone else, and are willing to argue for it. Sure, I'm a smart kid. I get good grades. But, unlike some other people, I don't try to push that in other peoples' faces. I don't know everything in the world. It feels like right now, a lot of the stuff I know is truly the stuff that doesn't matter [a big chunk of it, not all of it]. Sure, there's a bunch of stuff I'd love to know by the end of my life, but I'm not going to brag about just because I know it before someone else does. That marks an immature soul, I think.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Just wanted to tell you that. ;D

"They can put me in prison but they can't stop my face from breakin' out." Adam Young [Owl City]. He seems like the type of person that would come up with his songs under the stars, in the light of ten-thousand fireflies [quite literally]. Or the type that you can talk to under the stars, and nothing's a secret. Everything means more or is better, under the stars. I hope he's really that way, at least. That would make me extremely sad, if he ever turned into a poser [I extremely doubt he will be, though].

I'm not sure where to start, with this past week. I've been busy: there we go. I've had so much to do, but I kept pushing it back until the end.

I'm really happy, if he is [my best friend, that is]. :] We talked for four hours on the phone yesterday. Mostly, we talked about his girlfriend, but it was so sweet. It's sweet how he's so in love [even if it isn't with someone I know]. It makes me smile madly. A lot of things make me smile madly, but this is one of those smiles you just can't help but talk about [which is why I'm blogging about it].

Is it weird, that I'm one of those people that don't get bugged by other peoples' relationships? It's usually always so sweet to hear, even all the corny things that make most people gag. I don't know- corny things are my favorite. I'm a sucker for corny things. The only part that bugs me about other peoples' relationships is that they make me wish I had one. [I did, at one point, but I don't count it anymore. After a while, they just don't count.]


Wednesday, October 20, 2010


"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it."
-Alice Walker

Okay, so as you may already know, today was PurpleDay. [The-day-you-wear-purple-for-awareness just didn't cut it as a name.] It was for a group of some LesGayBiTrans teenagers that have quite recently committed suicide. It's extremely sad, to know that ignorance has gone that far to where people can't stand to live any longer. Yet it's also really mind-blowing, to know that this movement had spreaded quite its ways across the world today, reaching places on the other side of the globe with the message of equality and understanding. Even if it still seems dark, I feel like we're fixing the world, one day at a time.

I, personally, feel like the right to choose who you love is a natural right, no matter who it may be. I'm straight, but I've been called bisexual before, just because I think all people are beautiful. And they are. I just wish everyone else felt that way. Things would be a lot easier that way.

I wish everyone could/would just wear purple everyday. Or I wish I would have worn more purple today.

I really suggest that you honor them through memory, and just read at their stories, or look at their Facebook pages. It's sad, but it gives me hope.

Macky <3<3
Things seem much different now than they did weeks ago, let alone days ago.

  This Screaming Inner [Artistic] Me: I guess there's just this part of me that's screaming at me to let them have their go at my life, doing whatever they want- creative, artistic, amateur, anything. They haven't been out too much, and it probably gets pretty stuffy in there, inside of my brain and heart and all.

   =Reading: Finally reading The Catcher in the Rye, Shoutout to Kay for it. :D The swearing is slightly distracting, but it reads like it's coming straight like thoughts. I forgot how much I missed the quotes/life lessons, and getting "high" off of the adventures the characters went on.

  +Writing: I haven't come up with one imaginative thing to write about yet [creatively], but I can feel it oozing slowly out of the deepest part of my brain.

  +Art: I have never been a very good, well, anything, artistically.  Seriously, I can't draw a tree, let alone a landscape; nor can I play a semi-big instrument, because my hands are too small. I don't know, I have just always wanted to use find those abilities, and practice makes perfect [or better], right?

Letthatsidelooseeveryonceandawhile :]

Monday, October 18, 2010



I'm tired of being sad, and embarrassed, and stressed. I want to be happy now, no matter who's watching.

Eventually, I want to find someone here to lay under the stars with me and just talk about the world, like we used to when you were here, before you left. We used to talk about anything and everything- nothing was a secret. Except what we would say really would be secrets, just sometimes we'd whisper them, and other times we'd scream them out for all to hear. It didn't matter, either way; the only things around to hear us were each other, and the stars. Just the memories we had make me smile, and our memories were the sweetest things. But when you say you're sad, it's hard to go on with a happy mindset, knowing that you aren't happier
there, and it feels like you left for no reason. But just remember, I hope for you every day, that you're feeling better. Even if I have to make my life just a little bit harder to go out of my way to make you happy, I'll do it.

I'm eager for the future. I'm eager to do things to help the community, to start my life, to find out my test scores from my big test. But no, I'm too busy living in now.

Just be hopeful, that's all I can say.

Smilehappylooksgoodonyou :D

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Oh, I forgot to mention that yesterday was the day of the Homecoming Dance. But no, I didn't go. As sentimental and sweet as those pre-dance pictures seem, it didn't feel like I missed very much at all, besides paying sixty-dollars for a dress that I will probably only wear once, and watching people disgustingly grind up on each other for four hours, give or take.
Yesterday, actually, I spent my day at an academic team competition, reading, and blogging [OF COURSE BLOGGING WAS IN THERE YOU SILLY PEOPLE].

Yet, yesterday, while I was home on that fateful night, I wanted nothing else but to put my fancy dress on and go outside in my backyard and dance in the moonlight under the stars. But, you know, I didn't- just imagining it was refreshing enough.

If you have not read Paper Towns, I strongly suggest it. God, it was profound, and relating to it was a breeze. Similes were enlightening, just, wow, a good book. Half of the book's pages are folded, just for me to find the quotes later.

"Here's a tip: you're cute when you're confident. And less when you're not."

I'm determined to change myself a bit, and try to put some faith in myself a little bit more. Gosh, I used to go on adventures all the time, even if they were just imaginary. I used to go through canyons and fight komodo dragons, and jump over creeks/land into them, and explore land untouched by shoes. I don't know what age this all changed, but I don't anymore- I've fallen victim to a normal boring routine. I've let that little voice that says "no" ruin my life.

I want that sense of adventure back, I'm determined to find it this year, somewhere, somehow. I'm determined to be more of me again, because being me is my favorite thing about me. So, I guess what I'm saying is that if you do want to change yourself, do it in a way that you want for yourself.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Brains & Beauty? :D [Plus Little Sleep...]

I'm gonna find this book. :]

"But it was more than that. You can't divorce Margo the person from Margo the body. You can't see one without seeing the other. You looked at Margo's eyes and saw both their blueness and their Margo-ness. In the end, you could not say that Margo Roth Spiegelman was fat, or that she was skinny, any more than you could say that the Eiffel Tower is or is not lonely. Margo's beauty was a kind of sealed vessel of perfection- uncracked and uncrackable."

I feel like this for all people. :] One drive down to an academic team competition last year, it was me in the car with several of my teammates [and one of theirs' entertaining mother]. It was decided we would do "shallow-games," where we would just do silly things and learn more about each other. Most of them games were innocent and cute- one being the Question Game, which just involved taking turns asking and answering questions like you would do when interviewing random people in French class to review something you just learned. Some were personal, while some were very general.

But one game was what I'd like to call the "Ranking Game." Everyone has probably heard of the ranking of 1-10 of attractiveness [10 the highest, 1 the lowest]. We were going to go through the entire academic team, ranking people. I, personally, refused to take an active role in this game, because I felt like I couldn't judge a person wholly by looks- their personality was what really made them beautiful or not.

There were typical rankings of people. The geekiest [and meanest] team members were low numbers, and the rest were ranked high, I guess. Every girl was ranked an eight or higher, mostly because it was all girls except for one in the car.

They ranked the people in the car lastly, and when it was my turn, I was downright afraid- petrified- embarrassed. I basically wanted to crawl into a hole. They gave me an eight, too. I was happy with it, but I feel they only picked it out of me being there [yet when they said the other girl in the car was a "ten," that was not my favorite blow to my self-esteem] But I will never forget what the mother told me though: she told me that I would be prettier if I was more outgoing. At first, I started to shrug it off. I'm shy as a person. She said "Like when you were playing frisbee outside- you  were outgoing, you were really pretty then. You just shined out there." When she said that, I almost started crying, in the darkness of the wee morning hours. Every time I think of her saying that, it makes my day. That, and every time we play frisbee, I play [and because they say I'm pretty good at it, especially for being tied for the shortest kid on the team]. :]

Anyways, the second part is real, but the first quote is from the book I'm reading now, called Paper Towns by John Green. I've been waiting months to get this book, and now I own it; what a pleasant surprise. :D It's really good so far, and has tons of cool new ideas ready for me to think about. So, I guess I'm going to be quoting it for awhile.

To tell you the truth, I'm an average American teenager [at least in statistics], who gets rocking grades at school for regurgitating information from textbooks but doesn't read for fun anymore. But all you have to do is curl up with a good story, some comfy clothes, all in a quiet, beautiful, place, and you're set for a little slice of heaven on Earth.

I haven't read for fun in a long while, so I'm deciding to catch up on that little dorky fifth-grader inside of me. Do you have any book recommendations pour moi [please keep in mind that I am American, so I may possibly not be able to find  the newest Slovakian best-seller]?

*I'm sorry, I don't feel like working my little anectdote any more right now. Maybe I'll improve it later, tomorrow, after I get some sleep. Waking up at five-thirty on Saturday isn't cool [I didn't write about anything that happened today, besides getting my book, because it's of little importance of my life, and it was kind of depressing].

Friday, October 15, 2010

Need a Solution to Boredom [Tag-Time]?

Whoa, I totally forgot about this [I'm really sorry]!

Thank you to Christopher [ one of my favorite bloggers on the scene- he writes at The Chin Scratcher ], for saving me from boredom I was starting to have, if not for this tag. In this tag, I have to answer eight of his questions, then make eight of my own, and finally tag whoever I want [which actually means to me that EVERYONE THAT FOLLOWS ME IS TAGGED.] Everyone is welcome to try it out, or they don't have to. You know- do whatever you want. Okay? Okay, cool. :]


1) Favorite John Hughes movie?
Okay, I knew him from the National Lampoon movies, but I had no idea he did the Home Alone series, too. I worshipped Home Alone as a kid- me and my brother and sister seriously devised a plan to use, if burglars broke into our house. Let me just say it included boxes full of toy cars, pillows, paint, and lightbulbs.

2) Most shameful celebrity crush?
Hahaha- I'm not actually ashamed of liking anyone, really. I could answer something lame, like Ralph Macchio [the REAL Karate Kid], or Kevin Bacon [from Footloose], even though both were not from my time, and pretty old by the time I saw them. I'm not ashamed of liking anybody- even the troll kid off of Halloweentown, or Ned from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.

3) Quick! If you were directing your first music video for a slow, tragic alternative-rock song, what would the basic plot and setting be?
A city of some sort, when it's rainy, under a bus stop [?]. The main singer would walk along and see his "love" everywhere on the TV screens [as being kidnapped/dead], and it'd just be a dreary little ditty.

4) What's your dream place to live?
As of right now: New Harmony, Indiana. Or somewhere up in New England.
By spring break of this year: probably France. :D

5) If you were stuck on a desert island with nothing but your friend and an Introduction to Calculus textbook, how long would you wait before you ate your friend?
I wouldn't eat them until they were the last thing eatable on the island. I'd try to fish, but I have a pretty unlucky past with fishing poles, so that might be kind of soon.

6) If you could meet anyone from history, from religious icon to child star from 80's sitcom, who would it be and why?
Adam Young [Owl City] or Jason Mraz. They just seem really down-to-earth, and sound like they'd have some really amazing conversations.

7) What invention do you wish you were credited with?
Electronic fireflies that "fly" around a room like the real deal, not that they exist yet. But they will. Oh trust me, they will.

8) Now I'll have to go with a classic one: if you could have any superpower except super-strength and X-ray vision, which would it be and why?
I'd choose invisibility. There'd be so much more I would do in life if I could turn invisible to do it. ;]

Oh, so now I have my eight questions. For anyone and everyone. You follow, you do it [but please don't unfollow me because you don't want to!]. :P

1. What is your favorite [oddly-named] shade of a color? [Don't you dare give me "purple"; Look up Crayola on Wikipedia, and pick out a shade- like my favorite is Alien Armpit Green] :D
2. What defines you?
3. Have you ever done the "Fruit Salad" dance? Or seen Out of the Box?
4. What's your current favorite song [so I can love it, too]?
5. How's life going for you right now [because yes, I do care]?
6. What's something unique about your childhood?
7. Do you smile a lot [You should :D]?
8. What's your favorite quote &/or picture?

5 Secrets "En Français"

1. Quand j'etais jeune, et il faisais pleut, je chantais et dansais dans la rue comme personne ne vu pas. :]

2. J'adore les yeux. Deux garçons- quatre yeux. Ils sont bleus comme la mer. Mais ils ne saivent pas que je les aime...

3. Mes mots favoris français est "grenouille" et "pamplemousse" :D

4. Le photo au sommet de la page? c'est à moi. ;]

5. Je pense que filles sont belle, mais j'aime seulement les garçons.

I'll stop there, because I just don't have too many more "secrets" I can say entirely in French [even though I had to look up some words]. :P

Anyways, I found these on Smosh, and started cracking up on all of them. Family costumes? Really?

Matching luggage, apparently.

Grass? I'd be the kid on the left. Goodness. 

This one was my favorite by far. Anyone remember Babar? ;D
Ihopethismadeyousmile :]