Monday, May 27, 2013

I am

I am happy.
I am free.
I am colorful.
I am gentle.
I am sentiments.
I am the cracks around my smile.
I am the skin between my toes.
I am my goofy ears.
I am the marks on my bum.
I am my skinned knee.
I am small M&Ms.
I am sweet tea on sunny days.
I am the piano that creeps out of my door.
I am the bird singing outside my window.
I am my dog and his loud snore.
I am my dad's sweaty hugs.
I am that piece of dust under the couch.
I am the vine creeping up the mailbox.
I am the stars in the sky.
I am His.
I am the veins I was given to bleed.

I just Am.

have heart

Happy Memorial Day, everybody! I am very blessed to say that no one in my family has been lost to combat. I do remember, however, a story my grandfather told me when I was young that really touched my heart when I remembered it yesterday.

It was during World War II, and my grandpa was touring around with the Navy in Japan and other neighboring regions. I did not ask if he saw battle, but I am sure he saw the tolls. He had some friends from back home who were on other boats, and at one point, they had news that my grandpa's ship, the SS Lucitania (or something like that) had been attacked. The friends did see my grandpa again (he was not on the boat at that time, or possibly it was a false news article), but I could not even imagine their sadness when seeing that news, assuming the death of their friend. I mean, my grandpa could have been dead, and I am sure for other fathers and brothers and sons and uncles they might truly have died. I think that's part of what this holiday is meant to commemorate. I could also imagine the joy in their hearts when they did see one another, though, & that is what I am thankful for today. In today, there is pain from war and loss, but the joy from people and those other veterans, and freedom.

On another note, happy "first" day of summer! Really, I have been out of school for almost a month now, and I will not lie, I have not done much. But I do have two fighting dogmas on my heart.

I am going to ask you all the same question: would you be happier being thankful and relaxing for the summer, or would you choose to get enjoyment from doing work for something greater than yourself?

Personally, I am siding with #2, but I just cannot find a way to work in that way for others. I guess this is a start. :)


Monday, May 20, 2013

i love you

three notes, a steady beat,
lost in a symphony of cacophony.
many crescendos and decrescendos,
timbres, rhythms, times, volume.

what you cannot see 
of this contained world is
they are all different instruments,
yet they play the same tune, 
just a different variation
of those three notes.

Thursday, May 2, 2013


Ummm, so this is kind of terrifying but freeing at the same time. I am entirely, totally, and inexplicably finished with my first year as a university student! It was definitely a roller coaster, a merry-go-round, and that ride where you spin and spin until your head is light and you begin to see stars.

The reality of goodbye hit me hardest when my family and best friend began to move all of my stuff out of my dorm room. Now that the room was becoming empty (my roommate had moved out days before), it began to look like no one had even moved in at all, and that painted me a kind of blue I could not hide.

Yet, honestly, I could not linger on this sadness for long. I have this really strange feeling that my experiences and memories are just going to grow and improve as my years at school pass by. It was a great year for the most part, but I just sense something greater over the horizon.

The weird part about me being home is the constant need to clean everything. I cleaned my entire room (next is the bathroom dating to pre-puberty years). I think I am just dealing (productively, but awfully) with boredom and all of my friends not being out of school just yet. My best friend is even going to another country (Ireland, anyone?) in a few days! I am so very excited for him, but I will miss him and having adventures with him for the next few weeks while he is gone.

I am not sure what is in the future for my summer or for this blog the next few months. I am sure I will keep you all updated, but just know this: I am in good company and am very content to be back home. :)