tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64517029702122743142024-03-13T22:13:08.691-04:00traveling onThe song "Rio" by Hey Marseilles.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.comBlogger308125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-21760476647149335472014-03-13T23:52:00.001-04:002015-04-03T09:59:58.816-04:00Dear You,<div><br></div><div>I've written you 567 letters etched on the inside of the prison walls of my head, all composed of unnecessary guilt and burden. I am working on letting you go. I am working on forgiving myself. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-35620446029624279962014-03-09T20:33:00.000-04:002014-03-09T20:33:01.239-04:00Wow, I have not posted in a very long time. I hope you all are doing well. For the next few months I will be posting mostly to mackenziejeangoes.blogspot.com, telling of my summer mission project adventures and experiences in preparation for my summer in Charleston, SC. I am so excited about this experience and most of my time for the next few months will be spent praying and fundraising for it. If you would like to follow my journey, pray for me, or give financially, please head over to that URL and follow me there. :)<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
MacKenzieAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-6702946973329989912014-01-09T16:48:00.002-05:002014-01-09T16:48:43.708-05:00Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animals(and a Happy New Year).<br />
<br />
I hope you all had happy holidays and a wonderful break and time with family and friends. Despite this frigid winter weather I am still going strong and can thankfully call myself changed. God has changed my heart towards a lot of things over the past several weeks, and I am certain this year and even semester are going to be absolutely amazing.<br />
<br />
I am taking a Creative Writing class this semester, so I have a feeling you guys will (hopefully) get a lot of possible snippets of stories/poems/drama works out of me. I would feel so honored if people read my posts, even just in the bathroom haha.<br />
<br />
… I think I might be going on a summer project this summer, working in Chicago or New Jersey or Charleston. I am not really sure, but it is something I really feel drawn toward doing this summer. There are a lot of hurdles, but from looking at my options things still look so bright.<br />
<br />
Here's to a new semester and new year!<br />
-MacKenzieAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-65759981111559495772013-12-19T11:57:00.002-05:002013-12-19T11:57:24.731-05:00a truthSometimes we are forced to face our demons. Sometimes our hearts are stuck in swirling eddies of hate and despair and darkness. And sometimes we feel vengeful, striking out against those things and persons which give us pain.<br />
<br />
I came home, in an already worn state, to reminders of the broken fragments of good relationships I once held with people. Guilt and agony wracked my thoughts at the painful words of people I once did and honestly still do care deeply about.<br />
<br />
I am so sorry that I hurt people trying to get what I thought was the right thing for everyone. I am most sorry because even when I did care before, it was at an immature and unjust level that I can only understand now with some wisdom and growth in my faith and capacity for love. I was so selfish, and am still so selfish, and I am very saddened by that. But God has a purpose for this. I have grown a lot, I am just at this juncture very unsure of what to do with the some wisdom I have gained. My heart is in darkness, and all I want is light.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-55032483786773868592013-12-10T20:55:00.001-05:002013-12-10T20:55:10.976-05:00love where love is deservedHello everyone. It is Finals Week here, and I am enjoying myself a nice Reading Day before my three finals this week. I just wanted to take this time to love on a few special people in my life who really deserve it and have been loving on me so graciously lately.<br />
<br />
On Thursday or so I came down with a severe virus that honestly could have crushed me if it wanted to. On Friday I was kind of sick, on Saturday I broke down, and on Sunday I spent honestly and earnestly praying to God that He would take my pain, just crying. I was a miserable shell of myself, and I should not have been, but the way I could neither breathe nor swallow nor eat but still vomit was horrific, and I do not wish it on anyone else, thus I quarantined myself off pretty well into tomorrow so that no one I love gets it.<br />
<br />
In this horrid last few days, a few people have spent their time really loving on me. First up to the plate was my boyfriend Travis, who did actually not see me at my total worst but I was sick and he still said he loved me, so I have that going for me. He also brought me pudding and helped me type a French essay. Sometimes the ways he does things are a little bit chaotic to me, but I like him and it makes things exciting. He is so sweet.<br />
<br />
Next up was my best friend Dirk, who although did not see me too much he still brought me a thermometer. It is funny, because last year I was there when he vomited during the Final Four matches, and this year he was there for me when I vomited, just by chance.<br />
<br />
On third is my Mom, who is like the greatest superhero of my life. I was really upset at first by her distance that she had because she could not come and see me because I am at school and the weather was bad. I was so frustrated with my helplessness towards going to the doctor and getting medicine and food and even not having my blanket. On Monday, the day after the worst day, she drove here and brought me to the doctor and also brought me homemade food and soup, sweet tea, my blanket, and some other goodies that honestly brought joyful tears to my eyes. I missed my Mom so much during those last few days, and I was just so grateful for her to come because I think she very much contributed to the reason I can walk and talk today.<br />
<br />
Finally, on home plate, is God. You have to understand that on Sunday I was petrified by my condition. After I had vomited on Sunday that meant that I had not eaten in two almost three days, I was feel dehydrated, I could barely swallow, and I was afraid that if I fell asleep on my face I could suffocate and die. Mostly I was petrified because every day it had gotten worse, and if there was a worse day than Sunday I did not think I had the strength to handle it. But alas, this was a virus- God made my body already able to fight this disease off without antibiotics (but I was not strong enough to go without Tylenol because I am a wimp, haha), and I can walk around and boast (tomorrow- I am still considered possibly contagious today haha) God's glory with so much renewed hope and enthusiasm. I am actually enthusiastic about doing these exams. I am enthusiastic about having a good weekend afterwards with my friends, then going home and enjoying the holidays with my family. God healed me and even now He continues to heal my heart of what I ultimately wish to be healed of.<br />
<br />
Those are my thanksgivings for you, I love you all, goodnight and good luck on your finals.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-21783028601139158632013-11-28T00:36:00.006-05:002013-11-28T00:36:59.734-05:00love, searching<div>
a cord of three,</div>
<div>
that is we.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
let me weave of this a tale for you-<div>
it may last as long as two lifetimes.<br /><div>
but much like an episode,</div>
</div>
<div>
a boy and girl crossed paths</div>
<div>
crossed stars,</div>
<div>
crossed borders and dreams,</div>
<div>
and met at a station under the cross </div>
<div>
but still, searching.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
the boy, with features so striking,</div>
<div>
thought they were his beautiful faults.</div>
<div>
oh, but the girl:</div>
<div>
she saw no features of herself,</div>
<div>
only a humility that came from shame.</div>
<div>
they wore their issues on their arms,</div>
<div>
their hearts scarred</div>
<div>
but still, searching.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
the boy saw her first,</div>
<div>
but the girl was looking too</div>
<div>
(in her heart).</div>
<div>
they kissed under a bow-</div>
<div>
a gift of God, love truly is.</div>
<div>
they played the parts of</div>
<div>
Adam and Eve, today,</div>
<div>
stumbling slowly</div>
<div>
but still, searching.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
the girl caught on quick:</div>
<div>
this was the only love story she wanted,</div>
<div>
wearing a big heart and long embrace.</div>
<div>
as long as they loved,</div>
<div>
they would be a butterfly circus </div>
<div>
of glory, amazing grace-</div>
<div>
but still, searching.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
a cord of three,</div>
<div>
that is we.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
*Sorry you guys, just playing around with poetry again.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-31666534004416817442013-11-27T20:55:00.000-05:002013-11-27T20:55:00.254-05:00I was waiting on the mail, but it never came.<br />
<br />
<br />
I am so sorry dear, but it never came.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-37532050088411867302013-11-10T14:23:00.003-05:002013-11-10T14:23:47.565-05:00a grand introductionI have so many things to write. Some amazing unexplainable things have been happening in my life and happening so fast, but I am going to try to explain them without a doubt.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am not still with that boyfriend I had through a large chunk of this blog's lifespan, but I am choosing not to feel guilt or remorse for any longer. I am content with my decision because I know that it is what God wanted for me and for my life and for that boy's life also, even if it does feel broken and sad and hollow when thought about for too long. We had a beautiful relationship and friendship, but it was unhealthy in a way I did not know how to fix, and I do not think it was meant to be fixed then, or possibly ever, that we would have to be reborn and fixed independently of one another with Christ first.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That being said, I feel like my falling apart and breaking of several ties brought me closer to God and finally to the right kind of love that for a long time I didn't feel as though I deserved, as though I could obtain, and as though I would ever have. It helped me understand the truth, and it helped enlighten me and move towards who I am and what I want to become in Christ. It excites me, really, thinking of my potential and seeing it lived out in some few but shining people in my life.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyways, also, in this short but amazing period of time, another guy has become pretty significant to my life (behind Jesus, of course). His name is Travis, and from what I understand God's been shoving us towards each other for a long time now. He honestly painted this masterpiece of a story of how he had fancied me for a long time and it was just recently in these past few weeks that he had gotten the courage and felt God's strength work in his heart to begin this friendship first, but now it is this beautiful relationship that feels good and pure and just like everything I had hoped a relationship would be (not without faults, but with an undeniable enthusiasm and base in Christ). I am so thankful to God for this journey so amazing in retrospect and so miraculous to have been nearly impossible at all other times but now. I will most likely write in some detail about this new love story and my even greater overarching love story, but these things will come in good time. Until then, I have many presentations and papers and tests that are to be done, but I shall be around here and there.<br />
<br />
P.S. I cut my hair short again and have (accidentally) lost a few pounds. Things are definitely always, always looking up.<br />
<br />
[MacKenzie]</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-18651284185454749212013-10-19T19:20:00.002-04:002013-10-19T19:20:38.405-04:00when it rains, it poursI have a very peculiar way of coping with things. See, today I am fasting and walking around campus, finding some small strange comfort in the few amount of people walking around too on a Saturday afternoon. I did something excruciating today- I ripped out some beautiful and ugly parts that were mangled in my heart (yet they still sit on my thoughts like birds on a wire, waiting, watching)- and I am untangling them on my own (or just with God). It's something I have not been in a really long time- on my own- but it is exactly what I need, I guess, I hope.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I may write more this week, I may not write at all. Currently I just feel a numbness that if I think about it too much at all it becomes painful and aching. I feel impulsive which scares me a lot, because if I know anything of my nature my impulses are nothing to trust. But I am thinking of cutting my hair. And </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I hope it rains this week. I hope it's cold, but not cold enough to dismay me from walking around campus, trying to see something in someone else that feels the same or knows. I hope I can find some peace and maybe even happiness in my friends, in sitting on that bench, in my taffy, and in the small amounts of smiles I find myself cracking, even today, on a particularly dark day.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
love,</div>
<div>
m</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-52412240243023433612013-10-16T16:56:00.002-04:002013-10-16T16:56:43.600-04:00this dream..I had a poetic, beautiful kind of dream last night. I don't expect anyone to read this, but I need to write it down because the images have been creeping into my head all day.<br />
<br />
There was kind of a flashback to my Fall Retreat, but several things were different. My parents and for some reason a former teacher of mine were there for a minute of my time. The cost of this retreat was $5000, and I felt so distressed knowing that I could not pay it, but my parents said that they would pay the price for me. A group of my friends from Cru were all going into a church to worship. I went in another door though- I could see once I got in that everyone was on the other side of the church, so I went down a slide from the ceiling to get to the other side. I felt like I broke some kind of rule going down that slide, like the people running the church would not want people sliding and rappelling from the ceiling, but I was happy to be with my friends and I did not care.<br />
<br />
I do not remember actually worshipping, but suddenly I was in the cabin and it was just as gross and bug-filled as the one at Fall Retreat. I walked out of the building and toured around and saw a bright, glowing light coming from around the corner. I peered in at the source from outside into a lounge full with people- my roommate, one of my friends, several other familiar faces- and they were simply lounging under this beautiful and giant chandelier shaped like the sun. I did not want to enter the room though- I just wished to gaze at the brightness of the chandelier. I gathered that they were bored.<br />
<br />
I walked a little more and found myself a bench much like the one I actually sat on two days ago. I was sitting there with a boy petting a dog who was orange-red colored. Our hands touched and it was the most magical moment I have experienced because it truly did feel as though it was real. Of course someone sat in between us following that, but it was still a touching little moment that I cannot stop thinking about.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-22918115312080244382013-10-12T00:48:00.001-04:002013-10-12T00:48:25.894-04:00tired mumblingsHi there. Sorry to everyone that thinks I went off the deep end yesterday- I somewhat have, but it is all in the nature of good things happening for good reasons in my heart.<br />
<br />
It was a terribly exhausting week, and I write this as my eyes are slowly fluttering open and closed. The car ride here, after being comically terrible, was peace. The sky did a very interesting thing before my eyes- as the sun was setting, it went from dark to light colors dancing towards the horizon, but after the sun fell, the darkness rested along the horizon and light sprung slightly up through the sky with a few stars peeking out at the top. Maybe it always does this, but I had been peeking around skyscrapers for so long I had forgotten.<br />
<br />
When we arrived at my grandparent's small house, the sky was peace. It was a starry night that reminded me of the nights I used to spend with my fifth-grade crush playing basketball outside in the middle of February.<br />
<br />
I have been feeling highly sentimental lately, swimming in old memories that have been transcending their years to reach me here now. It is bizarre and not uncomfortable, but rather the opposite. I like collecting these little moments and sewing them into a kind of quilt that I bear around myself to keep away the chill of emptiness and the occasional feeling of not knowing who I am. If anyone were genuinely interested in who I am, I would just let them have this quilt to look at and they would see a story alike to the Illustrated Man, to Paul, to the middle of a "choose-your-own-adventure" book. But just the quilt isn't enough, no- if I were genuinely interested in letting them see who I am, I would want to <u>show</u> them. I would want to show them all of the things, and where they come from, and why I chose them. I would show them the big hill while the sun is setting, and the town I feel so drawn to, and the little house I grew up in, and Corn Day with all of its corny traditions, and that freedom I feel when zip-lining, and I would show them Orion and the story of Thunder Cake and the big tire swing. And I just hope and pray that they would want to put these things on their quilts also.<br />
<br />
-mAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-62820346259420418612013-10-11T00:43:00.002-04:002013-10-11T00:43:17.369-04:00I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I need to get out of this town. Man, the only thing I can think of is to run, and it's all because that's all I've ever known.<br />
<br />
-mAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-83873600595580942632013-10-04T14:33:00.000-04:002013-10-04T14:33:04.044-04:00You guys, a lot of stuff has been going on in my heart. I am so, so, utterly happy and joyful and spirited. I have never felt God as strongly in my heart, and I love every second of it. I will try to tell you all all about it soon, but for right now I am headed home to the heart of the country that I know so well.<br />
<br />
Peace,<br />
MacKenzieAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-66143727373483483042013-09-15T17:03:00.003-04:002013-09-15T20:15:51.469-04:00This is probably going to end up as just a collection of my thoughts these past few weeks since school has started. I am taking my first college-level English course this semester- it tests me and tries me, it truly does. Walt Whitman's poem "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry" has really been on my heart lately- I have spent my days wandering around campus hoping to form some of those same connections, trying to look people in the eyes and just see. I wish I could tell them how much I care, how much I feel too and experience the same kinds of experiences. But few look back, or even see me- they just walk on (that is life, I suppose).<br />
<br />
I have also begun to notice how much I romanticize the men (am I old enough to say that?) I have ever fallen for, and even some of the beautiful people in my life that I sometimes confuse for being better than anyone else. I still check occasionally into the delusions of my "autumn" and "ocean" boys haha- they were important to the development of my self-esteem and romantic view of life at those points, but they are essentially removed from my life. I never actually got close enough to see if those kinds of lovely expectations are even possible (and I am almost positive that they are not). Sadly, I cannot say I have totally moved on from this stage, but I do not think I will ever stop being hopeful and mesmerized by nice-seeming people.<br />
<br />
I have had some long car rides this weekend, and a lot of time to reflect and think. I feel like there's something just on the horizon- an opportunity, a new person of importance, an idea, a really good ice cream- there is something there that is calling to me and I feel like it is going to permanently change my life. Needless to say, I am pretty pumped.<br />
<br />
P.S. thank you so much for making my blog at 5,000 views since it's little baby conception (although I am pretty sure a large number of those were from spam sites haha). My blog has definitely come a long way since sophomore me started it, and I hope to carry it with me wherever I go (which might be France for a little while, but I will talk about that later).<br />
<br />
Have a good week,<br />
MackAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-22746532686340398642013-09-08T23:32:00.004-04:002013-09-08T23:32:40.305-04:00hey guys: I have thoughts, but not enough time to properly have them and flesh them out. maybe tomorrow- hopefully this week sometime.<br />
<br />
love,<br />
mackenzieAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-30626860926727048842013-09-03T18:46:00.000-04:002013-11-03T23:18:11.344-05:00I have been heavily expanding on the question I have asked myself obsessively over months now: <span style="background-color: white; font-family: Vollkorn; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;">"What am I going to do for the rest of my life?" So, like I usually do, I have made a list.</span><br>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Vollkorn; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><br></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Vollkorn; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;">some things I would like to do for the rest of my life:</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">disciple some college kids / high school students (be someone's Paul, so to speak)</span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">volunteer at elementary schools / children's hospitals</span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">edit applications (mostly for high school / college students)</span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">be an interior decorator fanatic</span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">avidly love and rescue dogs on the side of the road</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">help at vacation bible school</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">write / blog (often)</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">photograph at an amateur level</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">be a wife (if God thinks that fits into the picture)</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">be a cool (or totally not) mom</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">internationally travel (but probably just on this side of the globe)</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">own a zoom-y motor scooter</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">colorfully, eclectically landscape</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">bake sweets</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">collect earrings / scarves</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">be totally in love with my geek</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">have mad skills at dancing in the kitchen</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">have beautiful hair</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">amateur artist / crafter</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;">live near a delicious ice cream shop. and café. and an IKEA.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn; line-height: 22px;"><br></span>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">*All of these things are on top of having a job. Some job that I think is going to involve French, Business, English, and God haha, but I am still working on figuring out what that is. :)</span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">Have a wonderful glorious day,</span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Vollkorn;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">Mac</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-17040956612414374652013-08-25T20:18:00.002-04:002013-08-25T20:18:33.465-04:00I do not really understand what is going on with me right now. Something is shifting in my heart, and all I feel I can do is hold faith in it. What I understand so far is that I did not want to go to that party tonight where that cute frat boy and drunken people would be, all of which probably wouldn't have cared if I made a fool of myself or not. No, all I wanted was to spend my night sitting in the student activities center and listening to that boy with no companions play the piano like an angel. The music seemed clear in what all feels like living in a shadow.<br />
<br />
I will let you guys know what happens.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-58250288925038486432013-08-25T20:15:00.002-04:002013-08-25T20:15:25.864-04:00reminisceI am listening to a song that one of my very good friends from a few years ago recorded. The first time I heard this song, I was sitting in an audience of 350 teenagers who had no damn idea what was going on in their lives. We were all at a crossroads with ourselves, and I very much was (and, sometimes, I think I always will be). When she started playing, the entire room went completely silent, and I remember everything in my body stopping in shock. Her music reminds me of a breath of fresh air in the wilderness- I hope it makes you feel the same way. I pray its clarity totally fills you, and I hope it helps you know that every person is at a crossroads.<br />
<br />
It is called Mother Mary, and is performed by Jeri Katherine Howell for her new album Collage. It is on Spotify, and iTunes, so please listen to it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-12832355035568903732013-08-04T19:02:00.000-04:002013-08-04T19:02:02.550-04:00ne me quittez pasI am so enamored with my life. I have spent the last few days relishing in the sunny moments that God has paved on my road of life. My feet lately have seen many adventures, and, even better, my heart is filled with an adventurous and peaceful spirit that has not and cannot be discouraged, broken, or completely stopped.<br />
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I am turning nineteen soon. That is a weird thing, but if life just continues in the easy kind of fashion it has the last few days, I will be entirely content with that.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-29679795474377505982013-07-30T11:01:00.001-04:002013-07-30T11:01:26.312-04:00sharingMy mind really is not in a place to explore, to explain. I am weary and forlorn from early mornings and late nights and a lack of an impressive vocabulary lately. So, I just have some little things I would like to share.<br />
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I am going to be nineteen soon (7 days). I imagine the only change would be feeling more secure in my eighteen-ness.<br />
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Ryan's mom told me through some tears the other day that he may just cherish our cuddling and watching TV more than any other activity because he used to do the same with his beloved grandmother before she died. We cuddle a lot more now.<br />
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I am starting to delve deeper into the popular question of "What am I going to do for the rest of my life?" Some things jumping out to me lately have been family ministry, discipleship, volunteer coordinator, application helper, creator of gifts, dog lover, part-time lover, and full-time friend. Nothing that would pay me well or get me a million-dollar home (however, I still have a lot of thinking to do on just how important that is anymore).<br />
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I hope everybody is enjoying their summer / breaks/ sun!<br />
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-MacKAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-11548450715400747462013-07-08T00:58:00.001-04:002013-07-08T00:58:41.901-04:00think about itHave you ever met someone who seemed so kind and gentle to you and to others, for absolutely no damn reason at all? These people exist, and you might even be that person to someone: I mean, they might not be that way to everyone, but if you think about it, I believe (and dearly hope) that everyone has at least one person like that in their life. Because even if they are only a minuscule part of it, they are some of the most beautiful people and provide some of the most precious, human experiences you can have in your life.<br />
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<br /></div>
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Reflecting on some of these kinds of people in my life (I have had a number I am very grateful for), I remembered a boy from my high school whose moment I captured in <a href="http://brightyoungnerdything.blogspot.com/2010/05/what-we-can-learn-from-strangers.html">this post</a>. You really do not know how much you can affect people with the smallest acts of kindness (or maybe I am just the only weirdo who pays attention to these things, but I <u>highly</u> doubt it is that).<br />
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There is more to this thought, but that is all for tonight.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-35521367670818121882013-06-27T15:18:00.003-04:002013-06-27T15:18:41.755-04:00sweaty tourist logsWhen I stay in my grandparent's town, I am really staying in a firefly kind of town. It is where nothing is brand new without feeling out of place, where the air isn't cloudy and your mind can breathe and run and enjoy itself. It is bicycles at night down the Main Street drag where the streetlights act like angels. You can look up after the sun goes down and see the stars without the whole world spinning, and when the sun comes up the doors to the shops are always swung open just a bit, like the shop owners' faces cracking a genial, welcoming grin. It is that lit-up Dairy Queen sign that looks somewhat different from year to year, but the retired seniors cannot tell (their eyes don't let them see the differences, anyways).<br />
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There is something about their small town that I cannot seem to escape- something in their eyes that tells me that they are not kept busy thinking life should be simpler, or that they need to achieve something greater than what they are in their souls. No; this small town is comfortable, it is lemonade, and it will forever try to stay that way.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-74641470759382418872013-06-09T13:08:00.001-04:002013-06-10T23:46:36.091-04:00vacation, all i've ever wanted<u>why I love(d) my week at the beach:</u><br />
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Makeup is optional- I already have a healthy sunburn/tan going on, and my skin has never looked better (okay well now after I am back, my face has started to break out).<br />
No one can judge anyone else for wet/gnarly beach hair.<br />
There is salt/sand everywhere. Having little on you is impossible, and having a lot is not too "gross," just natural.<br />
Ryan can actually smell things because of the saltwater! I love that. :)<br />
The houses here are absolutely gorgeous.<br />
The weather was almost always spectacular for enjoying the beach. The only day it was not superb was the day a tropical storm came through haha.<br />
Hello? Swimsuits, all the time!<br />
I love the smell of sunscreen (which is very serendipitous, as I had to apply it all the time).<br />
I can actually boogie-board.<br />
I felt like a badass (and a terrified meal) going into the ocean, with a warning of sharks, while on my period.<br />
It ain't even expensive!<br />
With lots of families, it is a happy place (if you can get past the children and the occasional screaming).<br />
Running is so much more fun on the beach than anywhere else.<br />
I love seeing my footprints in the sand.<br />
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<u>what I love(d)/learned concerning my week with my boyfriend's family/friends:</u><br />
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I learned that I could spend a week straight just fine with my boyfriend and his family (I think I could even go a while longer haha). ;)</div>
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Kids kind of stress me out. Especially when there are four of them. EIYA.</div>
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I love my boyfriend. Like I feel like a good number of people question our relationship (and sometimes I honestly do too) because it is not conventional, but there are just these little moments that hit me and I am just reduced to <i>damn, this is how it's supposed to be</i>.</div>
I learned that to correct Ryan's thundercloud phase all he needs is a good sweet tea and/or a tickling.<br />
His family is not as crazy as I had thought haha. Like I remember in the beginning of our relationship thinking <i>man, I will never fit in</i>, and suddenly I feel like I am actually a part of this family- all of this in a deeper, more fateful sense than I had thought before. It is amazing, and I love it.<br />
I need to be healthier. It is a lot more fun and I feel so much better.<br />
I found out that I/things in general have changed a LOT since last year. I was so much a high-school, dramatic, shy, insecure girl when I came to Myrtle Beach last April, and now I am a "lady" (I dislike the word woman) who can stand fairly strong in her security and loves people. I am so much happier now.<br />
I miss the mountains too! I know that that is a weird realization to have following a week at the beach, but driving back home through the mountains made me miss Gatlinburg and my family's trips there.<br />
I need to go zip-lining, and soon-ish. I did not have the chance to go this trip, so maybe I will for my birthday or something. :)<br />
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And, possibly my most important realization: there will be more adventures in store for me- this summer, this year, and beyond! True, I have some growing up to do, too, but I can honestly say that I feel everything is how it is supposed to be at this point in my life.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-13019600970338988382013-05-27T15:49:00.001-04:002013-05-27T15:49:25.510-04:00I amI am happy.<br />
I am free.<br />
I am colorful.<br />
I am gentle.<br />
I am sentiments.<br />
I am the cracks around my smile.<br />
I am the skin between my toes.<br />
I am my goofy ears.<br />
I am the marks on my bum.<br />
I am my skinned knee.<br />
I am small M&Ms.<br />
I am sweet tea on sunny days.<br />
I am the piano that creeps out of my door.<br />
I am the bird singing outside my window.<br />
I am my dog and his loud snore.<br />
I am my dad's sweaty hugs.<br />
I am that piece of dust under the couch.<br />
I am the vine creeping up the mailbox.<br />
I am the stars in the sky.<br />
I am His.<br />
I am the veins I was given to bleed.<br />
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I just Am.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6451702970212274314.post-61027905927315889532013-05-27T12:12:00.001-04:002013-05-27T12:12:44.017-04:00have heartHappy Memorial Day, everybody! I am very blessed to say that no one in my family has been lost to combat. I do remember, however, a story my grandfather told me when I was young that really touched my heart when I remembered it yesterday.<div><div><br></div><div>It was during World War II, and my grandpa was touring around with the Navy in Japan and other neighboring regions. I did not ask if he saw battle, but I am sure he saw the tolls. He had some friends from back home who were on other boats, and at one point, they had news that my grandpa's ship, the SS Lucitania (or something like that) had been attacked. The friends did see my grandpa again (he was not on the boat at that time, or possibly it was a false news article), but I could not even imagine their sadness when seeing that news, assuming the death of their friend. I mean, my grandpa could have been dead, and I am sure for other fathers and brothers and sons and uncles they might truly have died. I think that's part of what this holiday is meant to commemorate. I could also imagine the joy in their hearts when they did see one another, though, & that is what I am thankful for today. In today, there is pain from war and loss, but the joy from people and those other veterans, and freedom.</div><div><div><br></div><div>On another note, happy "first" day of summer! Really, I have been out of school for almost a month now, and I will not lie, I have not done much. But I do have two fighting dogmas on my heart.</div><div><div><br></div><div>I am going to ask you all the same question: would you be happier being thankful and relaxing for the summer, or would you choose to get enjoyment from doing work for something greater than yourself?</div><div><br></div><div>Personally, I am siding with #2, but I just cannot find a way to work in that way for others. I guess this is a start. :)</div></div></div><div><br></div><div>Love,</div><div>MacK</div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06681946758494845881noreply@blogger.com0