Thursday, December 30, 2010


Sea of People (The Party)*

[I was going to put a picture here, but all I found for parties were drunk girls and 1800's socials. I considered also including Native Americans in this post somehow someway, but I guess that will haveto wait until some other time. Enjoy]

The cold winter air, a steep hill, and a sniffy nose all prevented me from ascending the driveway that cold December evening, but not twenty seconds later I found myself facing the house on top of the hill, waving goodbye to my parents as they zoomed off. I was actually delighted that I hadn't asked my parents to drive me up- the view of several twentieth century-styled houses was a temptation I could not resist. Five minutes later, I found myself ringing the doorbell, cupcakes in hand. To my surprise, Ethan answered the door. He made some small, witty remark on how I was only getting in because I had brought food, but nonetheless he swung the door open and allowed me to scurry into the warmth of the piercingly-lit house. I was only ten minutes late from the time on the invitation, yet it seemed as though the party had not yet begun! Several people loitered in the living room and kitchen, but despite them, the house was, to my knowledge, empty. It was quite shocking, seeing as the party was put on for the many generations of the school's speech team. I first ran into my coach, Mr. McDaniel Senior (who everyone respectfully calls E-Mick, to alienate him from his son, D-Mick). We both exchanged hellos as he played the part of the gracious host and showed me where to hang my coat. Even though I was a silent part of the team, I still contributed enough to where I definitely was a factor to the success of the team.

When more of my teammates arrived, we all relocated to the basement, also known, that night, as the "ping-pong table" room. People broke up into their little groups, like we had at tournaments, in practices, and even sometimes in school. Even those teammates who were now in college still maintained to join their little cliques. Some things really never do change, I thought. I sat alone, just observing the ping-pong game and the groups as they all mingled separately. The party ensued like this, and I soon managed to join a smaller group of people, one of which I could call my quote-on-quote "best friend" on the speech team. Angela was sincerely a nice person, and she had a way with telling story that was beyond extraordinary. She just naturally weaved enjoyable stories out of thin air, like a witch would do magic. We had split further apart this year than the last two years we'd shared together. Earlier that year, she did something less-than-admirable at my expense, and that single thing made me feel extremely irritably for her for months. But that was months ago- at the party, I barely remembered why I was mad at her anymore, nor did I hold an empty grudge. No grudge, no hostile feelings- all I felt was a longing to fix a broken friendship.

After some well-spent socializing time had passed, the carnivorous teenagers began going upstairs in pursuit of food. I silently followed, hungry myself. I found myself in a sea of people, most of which I had never seen before in my life. My curiousity spiked when I saw all the older people not of my time- I feel sad, because our existences mean next to nothing to each other. I feel as though I missed out on an individual's total life, and can only comply with in and see those people and not even remember the next day those glimpses of their life I did witness.

The teenage teammates, by the time I had reached the table filled with food, had almost ravaged and abducted every last pizza (except for those saved by the adults- they had enough sense to remember what being a teenager was like). I hastily stuffed the last piece in my mouth, savoring the sweet tomato taste. Afterwards, we went into another room, where the freshmen girls and D-Mick and his friends were staying. I recognized all of his friends from his party two years ago (although I doubt they remember me) except for one. He was D-Mick's brother, who had been studying abroad in the freezing Northern region of the Netherlands. D-Mick had told several extraordinary stories about him, so it was impossible for me not to sneak glances at him. He was a reserved, quiet fellow, and had eyes like a madman. His eyes were a blue so deep, I could not even begin to consider what he was thinking, nor what kind of thoughts stirred in his mind. I was further intrigued, but the game we were playing suddenly ended. He retired to another room, and my Mom texted me, telling me she was parked at the end of the driveway. The party wasn't over, but I had no choice, so I hugged Angela goodbye, grabbed my coat, and slipped out the door without so much as a yell goodbye my way. I'd never felt more free as I did when I descended down the winding drive. The cold embraced me like an old friend.

*Note: First draft. :) It is a true story, but I changed some of the details up, just because I was considering submitting it to a contest, and if it were to ever get out, I would feel extremely weird putting peoples' real names and situations. I know I need to change my sentence structure because it sounds repetitive (it's naturally how I think- I tried to make it flow, at least), but whattaya think? :D

I'll leave you with this. CLICK.

love him [chase coy]. love them [the stars in general haha]. adore it [the shirt]. ^^

I'll be gone for a couple of days (and before I got to upload/finish/type my memoir- poopy!), so if you love me, you'll wait, right? :]

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Saturday, December 25, 2010

I have a lot of things on my mind right now, but, before I go onto anything else...


[even though Christmas only lasts for like an hour and a half more where I live] :)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Festivus, everyone!

Sunday, December 19, 2010


A while back, I read a book about a girl who made plans. All she did with her times was make plans. She made plans on falling in love with a boy, with a town, with a house, with a job, and with her own life. But, what made her different from all of the other dreamers is that eventually, after gaining the courage and wanting them all so bad, she broke those plans free from the notebook she wrote them all in and made them all come true.


Saturday, December 18, 2010

a pleasing post [by me]

things I find pleasing [especially combined]:
lightning bugs, or lanterns, or strung christmas lights.
long plaid shirts of any color.
night. fall, spring, summer, fall- it does not matter.
stars, to go along with that.
the sunrise or sunset. the change is calm.
a HUGE tent, or a cabin.
a close group of friends, all together.
someone with gorgeous eyes.
the strum of an acoustic guitar.
a soft hum, like a lullaby.
dancing to the music.
big coniferous trees, and how they whistle in the wind.
a fire.
smores, or hot cocoa.
a long hug.
an old-fashioned radio. besides that, no technology.
secrets being shared.
birds. especially owls, and birds with pretty songs to sing.
art of some sort. poetry, or sketches.
fleurs. like moon lilies- they glow brilliantly.
talking of the near/far future, and the far past.

Those are the kind of things I want to think about all the time. When I finally fall into bed and start to fall asleep; when the sun comes up from its slumber; when I am with the people I really care about. I want to gather up some friends and do this one night, with no preparation. Just hey, grab this this and this. That is the essence of it- to enjoy it on just any night.

OR, it  might just be my seventeenth birthday... :)

I wanted to finish this post by saying that I really am trying to comment more on the blogs I follow. I read most of them, I just don't reply much. But, believe me, I do wholeheartedly admire you all.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Merry Friday


I'm gonna start dreaming up my dream house, and getting ready to live in it [which for me gathering random things I'd want to take with me to decorate]. A greenhouse + library is REQUIRED for my dream house, though. Ever since I read this one love story about a girl falling in love with a vampire [with the same name as my penpal, Florian], I've been obsessed with the idea of it. ♥

[If I can't afford a big house with that, though, I am going to live in either a small cottage like these in Seattle [but really anywhere] or in a cool decked-out apartment with a loft and all that OR a cabin in the woods- I'm not very picky what/where, just as long as I can work with it it'll be fine]. I'll update on mine if I ever figure it all out.

What does your dream house look like?

Macky :)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I can't tell if he likes me or if I just make funny faces when I eat.

This is actually something I wrote yesterday, but felt it wasn't enough to "blog" about until today. When actually, like I had thought, the answer I am pretty sure is the latter of the two. I am just going on a hunch, of course, but from seeing him with a girl hung under his shoulder, I'm gonna stick with my gut on this one. Some of you know that is just how it works sometimes [or for me, as of now, all the time].

But I am incredibly proud of myself for not letting this one situation in life waste me away, as most things of the past have done.

Single swagger here. [I feel weird just typing that, because that is totally not me at all, but this song is kind of catchy.]

You ever notice those odd, almost ironic situations in life? Those moments where the irony is so subtle, but it feels like it is all written in a book somewhere? I was on the bus this morning, watching out of the window as the sun began to just rise and barely hit the snow, when we passed the meat-packing factory in our town [or at least that's what I think it is]. There was the silhouette of a man looking out of a window there, regarding the highway and the outside world. It felt odd, to know that someone can be looking out of a place where everyone is so curious as to what is on the inside [the whole meat-packing process]. Personally, I am just slightly interested as to what our "meat" is made of, really, but would prefer to just eat my meat in peace [if you do know please do not tell me].

Another moment was when I went up into my coach's room to take a test [an academic team tryout test- don't judge] during his plan period. The room was eerily quiet, compared to how boisterous it is during academic team practice. But it was serene and calm, like the placid water of a lake. I could look out the window [it was about 10:30, when the sun is still just rising], and the light glimmered off of the snow like gold.

I don't know- I'm just confused as why I can pick out all of these elements of literature in real life, but I am not even novice at picking them out in actual literature. But at the same time, I really am thankful for these little moments that work like real thoughts, original ideas that actually aren't written in a book, but are written in your mind.

Everyone in my school is hoping for a snow day tomorrow, so you might see more of me very soon,
Macky :D

Monday, December 13, 2010

What's a Tumblr?

I mean I have one [I just made it today because I was bored and having writer's block- I kind of like to think of tumblr as my writer's block writing space, and Blogger as my maybe-has-value writing space], but I am so confused as to how to use it. I think I may have the hang of it, though, but what is up with reblogging and liking things?
Here it is.

*Note: I will follow you back, whenever I find out how to. :)

Spreading Some Christmas Cheer [hint/hint/playlist]

Ahhhh I am so happy to be finished with my stressful week. It sincerely feels like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Today is also the first snow day of the year, and the day Dirk comes home, so I'm pumped. :D

We used to have this day every year in elementary school, where we'd each travel in groups and learn about the different holidays of the world. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, plus Christmas in the different countries we had always never thought over. We made crafts/ornaments for each holiday, and we did not really have to do anything else with them, besides maybe keep them somewhere in them where we can look at them every once in awhile. Sure, we learn about "French Christmas" and "Spanish Christmas" in our foreign language classes today, but I wish we still had that tradition in high school.

I am sorry to say I really do not remember those traditions, so please do not plan to stop reading just because you don't celebrate it [if you do celebrate something different, PLEASE WRITE ABOUT IT! :)].

Anyways, I was looking at Court's page, and saw this post and watched the video, and goodness it made my day. I'm no Office fanatic, but that is adorable. Especially when Jim explains Plans A, B and C. Man, I want a guy like that, and I will settle for no less.

But, randomly, once the video was over, out of nowhere, I heard Christmas music playing from a playlist on her page. It really confused me at first, because I thought at that point I had just become crazy about Christmas.

Once I realized I had not gone completely insane, ping- a Christmas miracle [idea] was born!

So, in the name of the holiday season, I want to spread some cheer for you through a special homemade Christmas playlist [baked with love!]. My Dad is convinced he sounds exactly like Bing Crosby, or Nat King Cole, I don't really remember, but he sings all of the classics. So, I tried to avoid those unless I really liked them or I found another version. Enjoy [the music, because almost all of the videos stink]!

Here we go...

1. Wonderful Christmastime- Paul McCartney
I loveee this song [oldest-looking video ever created, though]. If you have ever seen the cartoon movie Rudolph, I used to sing that song repeatedly, even in the middle of July. I didn't know it was by Paul McCartney until I looked it up just today.

2. Little St. Nick- Beach Boys
Court had this one on her list, too, but I think it is one of the better Christmas songs, mostly because it combines sunny happiness with snowy happiness. It takes a genius [or several] to combine the two.

3. Sleigh Ride- Andy Williams
I am currently jamming out to this song. I want to go on a sleighride with someone I care about, eventually. That's one of those cheesy love holiday rituals I think would be adorable, but necessary.

4. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch [No clue]
If you are kind of a pessimist and down about Christmas [I do know some], here you go. Sorry, I couldn't find one good video.

5. Roslyn- Bon Iver
I could post Bon Iver songs forever, for every playlist, forever. They're the most perfect lullabies to lull you to sleep [actually, it's better if you don't know the lyrics- I have had this song for months, and still don't know the words]. A cold, starry night; a warm, toasty bed; and Bon Iver- I was up three hours later one night, in the middle of slumber and awareness, in heaven on Earth.

6. Peppermint Winter- Owl City
I just got this song a week or two ago. Owl City is delightful, really, but definitely this one is.

7. Snow Miser/Heat Miser
I didn't grow up in a family that traditionally watched those old Christmas movies made in like the 1960's, but this is the one thing I remember.

In order to fully celebrate this playlist, though, you need to watch Home Alone 1 & 2, and drink hot cocoa next to the fireplace under a warm blanket.

Mack :]

Sunday, December 12, 2010

It didn't fit like a dream [just a bit too big], but trust me, it was a dream. ♥ I think anyone can feel beautiful, in a dress like that- a dress that has beauty indescribable by words.

Speaking of dreams, I have had some bizarre ones lately. Last night, in a dream, a wasp [I am terrified of them] was perched on my ring finger. Scared to death, I tried to wave it away, but all it ended up was poking me, and when I waited for the pain and didn't get it, I woke up.

Most of my dreams either include impossibly thought-up places, like buildings with slides and rope-stairs and "elevators" you fall down. One I had was inspired by Quebec, with fantastic buildings and a slide to the center of town square. All these dreams about places is why I kind of think about possibly becoming an architect someday- it's so delightful, to me at least. :)

Another majority of my other dreams include running and moving. I slept on my stomach one night and had a dream where I was running on my knees. Like even in my dreams, I wasn't running correctly, compared to everyone else. It was super-awkward. Others, I run away from people with other people, going on adventures that I cannot complete in real life.

Mack :)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

My family's Christmas tree!
[Well, the bottom.]

Friday, December 10, 2010

I was almost positive that today was going to be the day where everything would come together, and all of the worries and fears I had would fall away to make room for better, easier things; nay, my world came crashing down on me in more ways than I had ever imagined. At least there is no big test tomorrow.

I'm reliving the same problems I had two years ago, so much the same that it's uncanny. Is today an episode on a sitcom broadcasting on the other side of the world? Tell me world, how does this episode end? History always repeats itself- we just have live through it or study it to know what to do when it happens again. I will make sure the ends will not match.

For the first time, I cried reading a book, mostly because I expected it to read like the 5th-grade reading level it seemed, like the author's other novels, but it was in fact at the high-school level. Smiles to Go, by Jerry Spinelli. Also wrote Stargirl. And Maniac McGee. The same author I read from in primary school, I read again as an eleventh grader in high school. It was more heartfelt than any other novel I had ever read. Even though it's heart-wrenching, I whole-heartedly recommend it. Very profound- made me think about things, but things I'm too tired to write out. I'll post an explanation/quote here tomorrow sometime, hopefully.

Visited by Paranoia when She is Exhausted,

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Cheap infactuation is a tarpit [no, that doesn't read armpit, although it stinks like one]. You fall deeper and deeper, and while you risk your life to get free, you fall faster. But I made it out alive of one, as impossible as it seemed (especially when everytime I saw those hopeful [lying] eyes I got lost in, I just fell down deeper). I struggled to the top, and stood up on steady ground, for the first time in what feels like (and what really was) years. And now that I can finally begin to breathe and marvel at my accomplishment, I'm already falling back into another tarpit. A stupid shallow punk tarpit that isn't even worth my time, to tell you the truth. I refuse to get sucked back, though, especially after falling once, and all it did was make me the fool. I learned my lesson the hard way. I will not be made the fool again, nor will I make another innocent soul the fool. It just can't happen- not again...

Anyone who would be so fantastic as to inspire me to do my personal anectdote essay, please feel free to leave a comment below.

I'm currently going through hell, if you're wondering. I have a lot of deadlines- many being Friday. And the ACT (a HUGE test I needed to study for, but didn't have enough time with everything else) Saturday (which I now do not plan to do, and if my mother forces me to, I will fail miserably, so it's a lose-lose situation either way). And my still unbought dress, which has to be bought before this weekend, otherwise I am going to destroy things. I keep praying that we won't have school Friday. Or I will die before then (one can only dream). I also keep on saying/thinking "next week" repeatedly, but this is the first time in a long time where I have KNOWN it will really be better. So, I'm still being positive, in a sort of freaking-out-brain-explosion way.

I have grown to dislike contractions the last couple of days.

Everyone this week has told me that they "hate people (in general, I assume)." Obviously, they've just been around the wrong type of people. I like to pride myself in thinking I'm a good person, a real human being, but lately I've been more like a maniacal schoolwork-monkey machine.

Anyway, sorry for the randomness, just trying to convey some thoughts that maybe will inspire you, somehow. Or me. Or do nothing for you, but I feel LOADS better from writing this- just to get it all out. I hope you all are doing okay.

Safe travels,
Mack :]

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Look On the Bright Side of Things. (:

I wish I came up with this... sorry to disappoint you [but also enlighten you through this quote at the same time... whoa- too late for conflicting thoughts].

Friday, December 3, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Shy Songbird

Once upon a time, there was a lilac-colored bird that couldn't fly. She could walk, or ride a bicycle, but never fly. It was the way she was born, and that was that.

For this reason, she had very few friends, besides her folks. The fish whom she visited when he didn't have to hide from the enforcers, and the balloon she had found at a parade long ago, named Murray, were the only others that truly understood the young, shy, misunderstood bird.

One day, she went out for a serene bicycle ride, and planned on having a splendid little picnic with the fish and Murray. She only brought a jar of jam, but it was that same jam from the blackberry plant she had grown in the backyard that had caused the fish to surface and their friendship to kindle.

Going out onto the path, she ran into no trouble or creatures- only delights. Acres of wildflowers scattered through the path, and from the wooden bridge she could see her own reflection in the water.

Upon crossing the bridge, she sat along the water's edge, waiting for the fish to come. Murray became quickly impatient, having other things to do with his time, so he floated away. But she still waited. After hours, it became dark, and she was still waiting. Nothing irregular stirred in the water, except for the momentary fish passing through.

So upset with her friend's absence, she began to brush herself off from the dirt on her feet after hours of sitting on the cold rocky ground. Out of nowhere, a gust of wind picked her up off of her feet and flung her over the water. Afraid, she spread out her wings, and, for the first time, began to fly. She soon met some new friends, and flew where they did. The fish had become a speck in her mind, as sadness floats away on the wings of time. She was now happy.

[I don't really know why I wrote that, so don't ask me where it came from. It was all just supposed to be lovely and sweet, even though it's kind of sucky. But it's meant to be sweet, kind of like a bedtime story, at least to me. I also used to have "bird-hair" as a kid, so that's where the bird comes from [and they can fly, so that kinda makes more sense instead of, say, a deer flying, although I love fawns, too]. Don't judge me [harshly]- I'm stressed, and kind of needed this...]

Mack :]