I realized today, as I've gone through life, I really don't solve my problems. I sit here and freak out about them, until they just seem to evaporate. And right when I'm sure they're gone, they come back. And it all hurts worse than ever.
I could sincerely sit, with this song [or others like it] on replay, for hours upon hours. And the band name is Pomplamoose, so it makes my life just that much better.
My last week or two has had the increasing theme of adventure, and French, and the two combined; but alas, I have been sick, and I have not been able to say much [literally]. So, now that I'm feeling better, here it is , I guess. :)
Secret #12365472: I know that people in France don't just fill up their "stereotype" and eat crossaints, smoke, and wander around the streets while listening to this song all day [I don't remember where that seems familiar, but it was kind of brilliant], but I wish they did- or I wish I did [minus the smoking- I'd just stare at the sky]...
Fact #1236765456497: I know that I'm cheesy and a dreamer, but French has been the one thing, the one subject, that I have loved since I was a small child, even though in the beginning I couldn't speak five words of it. I used to not know the words, but sing to the tune of Habenera [a French opera piece, by Bizet]. The only phrase I really knew was excusez-moi, and anything French caught my eye [which sadly at that time was only references in cartoons and French-loaf bread].
France/French, for whatever reason, just gives me a spirit of adventure. I always ask myself why such a love for one thing has come about [figuring it out means some deep investigation on my part// into the things long forgotten but still leave their marks], but that's one mystery I'd only like to make bigger without disrupting.
That's why I am more excited than I have ever been for anything, to be finally going to France, in about 120 days. Four months from now, I'll be seeing and experiencing something that isn't just mine to experience, or any other person who has stayed their entire life on the North American continent [Quebec is not the same, trust me], but millions of other people in one country across the ocean. I don't care how adventure was defined by those people long gone who sat in cold dark classrooms and wrote all the definitions down [dictionarinites?], it's something you feel in your heart, and France makes me feel it more than anything else in the world. :)
I guess I should explain where this crazy dream of an idea came from, as of recent. Have you ever seen the movie Up, about the old man and his adventure with his house? I really think you should- although the beginning is sad, the rest of it is fantastic. Very adorable- especially the music. Well, we watched it en francais, while my French teacher was gone. I could understand less of it than I could other movies [Tim Burton's Corpse Bride I could decipher quite well], but it just had a shine in French that it didn't have in English. The house does fly, but it seemed as though it flew higher, the balloons were brighter [yeah, he floats his house into the sky with balloons- how cool is that?]. His adventure is of life and love, though, which most of us [or at least me] are too young to fully understand.
Maybe it's in the fact that the adventure in this country [The United States] seems long run-out. Almost everywhere has a McDonalds [haha- I'm not kidding], and even in the most remote of areas you still probably have cell phone service or Wifi. It's sad, really- like we're all dressed up with nowhere to go.
Oh, but we had adventure, at one point- more than just about anyone else. Our unsettled frontier called out to people, to pioneer and settle, to make order out of chaos, metaphorically. But now that order has turned back to chaos in another form, in the form of a loss of adventure. The only things that seem to have adventure left in them are the things long gone, like the ruins of cities/buildings, or those places preserved in time.
Maybe the real adventure is just in experiencing something new, something unfamiliar. I'm not sure- I'll tell you in 120+11 days, when I get back [OR while I'm there, but that's a longshot].
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving- what are you thankful for?
This is so surreal outofthisworld CRAAAZY to look at.
I don't belong in this time period. Even though I'm not sure where, or most importantly when, everywhere else [in the past] feels/seems better than here.
France takes up every single piece of my mind right now- it keeps me unfocused, but happy, at least. I can feel my life beginning to change, even though it's one-hundred+ days away, and it'll only last eleven days of my life.
I [finally, right?] saw Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows [Part 1] today. To be honest, I didn't expect very much from it [I had predicted the enterprise to go downhill after my favorite movie, the Goblet of Fire, came out- and I didn't fancy the last two very much], but it was sincerely fantastic. I want to go see it again, before it comes out on DVD/blueray/the other newest electronic playing device and whatnot.
Yeah, that's about all the time I have for tonight. I did have some whiny posts I came up with yesterday, but I really didn't think they'd be worth anyone else's time. It's like I've become too lazy to develop my ideas, except in my mind [or maybe I'm just being selfish and keeping them there, as secrets].
Check this out, please, just cause I think it's cool, and a good song.
Hey there, readers! Sorry I kinda have fallen off the face of the Earth for most of this week without any consultation besides the cheap laughs and shallow things I left in my absence. I've been kind of sincerely depressed and unmotivated this week, so this is my post to make up for it.
For the past couple of days I have been speaking differently, & stumbling over my words. Maybe because I'm stuffed up like a turkey on Thanksgiving, but I'm not sure yet.
I read "Will Grayson, Will Grayson" the other day. It was slightly depressing at parts, and didn't exactly "improve" my week. But overall it's good, I guess- just different.
"I look at Jane for a long time and a slow smile creeps over her face. Her whole face changes when she smiles- this eyebrow-lifting, perfect-teeth-showing, eye-crinkling smile I've either never seen or never noticed. She becomes pretty so suddenly that it's almost like a magic trick- but it's not like I want her or anything."
[I like quotes like this- the quotes that explain human nature/how we work really interest me.]
I am quite upset that the song above [called Sunshine by Stephen Jerzak], bears a resemblance to the song "Hey There Sunshine" I came up with that I wanted him to sing. :/ I do like this one, too, though. :)
Hey there sunshine Won't you be mine? Out of the dark you pull me into the light And then when I'm feeling down Ya make the whole world seem bright...
That's all I got [that I liked], but still. It's an uncanny coincidence.
On another note, I found my old journals from Creative Writing class last year! Yippee! I would scan them and put them on here in their original form, but they are quite enigmatic [even to me], so I guess I'll just type some of them out soon, as their own posts. I was quite impressed, myself, so be looking forward to those. :)
Today, I cleaned my room, and cleared out all the junk in it. My Mom was right- it does feel better having a clean room [even though making it that way is time-consuming]. It's kind of like taking a bath, just feeling clean and organized- I don't know how to describe that feeling.
I actually had an amazing day yesterday, so much that it feels like too long ago. We went through the "Underground" part of Cincinnati [I live 30 minutes away and I still can't spell it] in its worst district. It was scary, but I really wanted to explore. I like being really interested in something for awhile- not like reading, but more visually. To come across things that are interesting [to see, in real life] just make my day. I don't understand why high schoolers really don't get field trips. Some of us are just as interested in things as elementary schoolers are. I got to spend the day with some one that I could just let it out to, finally. That's all I really needed- someone to talk to, face-to-face, about anything. I am SO thankful for her.
I have no time, yet I'm "wasting" my time on here, compared to what I should be doing, which is preparing for the ACT [whoo].
Oh man, I just finished the worst book I have ever read yesterday. It was just utterly disturbing, every single part of it. In fact, I recommend you not to read it. It's called In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote- a book about a pair of serial killers. I'm going to finish this dumb project, and never pick up that book ever again, just because it was THAT awful. If you ever hear this book is an upcoming work in your English class, shuddering would be an appropriate response.
The worst part about it is how your expectations play tricks on you, & eventually defy you. Every single naive part of me just died a little bit, and I'm quite disappointed with the human race right now. Once again, it's just a grotesque novel, if I do say so.
Ahaha. (: Anyways, while I wasn't wanting to punch the world [and myself] in the face today, I took a bit of time to reflect & daydream. Any time with me that isn't concerned with sad thoughts, or the future, or homework, it's about love. I keep having this recurring daydream, where I really want to preserve my friend's heart, which another one of my friends apparently shattered a while back, and a new one might soon break. It's not the matter that I think I "care too much" [although I probably do care a considerable amount more] about this person, it's just that it's weird to think about people, especially when it's extremely doubtful that any "relationship" will form. In fact, I don't really want one, just because with some certain people, I'd rather be friends with them for awhile than waste it all on some "relationship" in high school. I lost a really good friend that way, & I don't plan on doing it again.
Sorry, that's a recurring thought that I'm pretty sure I've addressed billions of times, but I only remember doing a million.
"The internet is made of people. People matter. This includes you. Stop trying to sell everything about yourself to everyone. Don’t just hammer away and repeat and talk at people—talk TO people. It’s organic. Make stuff for the internet that matters to you, even if it seems stupid. Do it because it’s good and feels important. Put up more cat pictures. Make more songs. Show your doodles. Give things away and take things that are free. Look at what other people are doing, not to compete, imitate, or compare … but because you enjoy looking at the things other people make. Don’t shove yourself into that tiny, airless box called a brand—tiny, airless boxes are for trinkets and dead people."
Wow. I just noticed that one of my first dreams was actually inspired by Dumb & Dumber. It's when Jim Carey is dreaming about Mary Swanson, the girl that they are driving thousands of miles to go see. He goes through these "romantic" montages about the two together [only one is "sexual" ya pervs], but I'm only referring to the one where they are socializing with a bunch of other people in a cabin.
The earliest dream I can remember is about being with a large group of people, all in a cabin. I was just a young kid at the time, but I always felt older. I still do, feel older, in the area of some things. Everyone was wearing those ugly Christmas sweaters, and sitting around on couches in the main room, laughing & talking, like in Dumb & Dumber [except, you know, not "dumb-ly"]. The only difference I can think of was that there was also a guy with a guitar, and they didn't look like they were of "this time." The women [although I don't remember too many] had big hair, and the men had big goatees, & kind of looked like that artist guy who used to do paintings like it was a coloring book [Bob Ross yeah!].
I really dislike that all of my dreams are influenced lately by things that happened that day, usually [although it definitely provides a new twist on the events].
All except last night, I mean. I had a dream about my French penpal [I've only seen pictures of him], and ohmygoodness, he was so cute. Especially in this "real life" situation, because he was so cute. It's sad, that only in my dreams I can be "flirty" [God, how I dislike that word, but it's true].
I've been on a John Green [fantastic writer] spree lately, & Eleanor Roscuro, writer over at Musings of an Undiscovered Genius [which I recommend whole-heartedly], posted a quote by him. From there, she led me to find that he actually has a tumblr, so I can now look at his postings and quote him ALL THE TIME. Check it out, at effyeahnerdfighters.com! Don't forget to be awesome- that's their saying. (:
Urgh, I have so much more to blog about, but so little time. I hope I'll find some more time tomorrow, because I've really missed coming up with good things to type about.
Sigh. My Dad and I shared our loneliness together yesterday evening, passing out candy to the little kids. I was a werewolf [which really wasn't that scary at all- all I had on was a hat and painted my nose black], but all of the little kids looked petrified. Sigh. Yet another blow to my self-esteem.
I'm sixteen, and this was my first year of not going trick-or-treating. I would have gone if someone was there to go with me, but they weren't. It seems like that is a passage of growing up, not going trick-or-treating [although some people just like candy, and will do it anyway, at any age].
God, I felt like a punk. Smelling like wood smoke [even still today], painting nails [and nose] black, jamming out to Muse in the cold, empty darkness.
It's November- that means it's slowly getting colder every day.