You have NOO idea how much this means to me right now. And how much I wish that a bear lived in my area. Just keeding. :P
I know, off-topic, but it's sad that I typed in 'Paris' under Yahoo! images, expecting to get pictures of the beautiful city I'll be visiting next year :], but instead the first three photos are of Paris Hilton's recent mugshot. WOW.
Currently, I have a cold- it's been spreading through the school like the plague. No, I don't have festering wounds or likewise, but it's a plague of the mind. Something's invaded me that wasn't there before.
I've come to believe that the cruellest parts of humanity have infiltrated into me. The bitterness, the paranoia, & utter jealousy: they've reared their ugly heads, as the devil worked his hands over through my body and my mind. It isn't 'true beauty' I fell in love with earlier on, it was humanity- the essence of being human is beautiful itself. But the ugly sides of humanity are the things I dislike the most in life.
I apologize, for my "overdramatic" ranting. I write this feeling as though I was quite literally stabbed in the back. The only thing that makes me madder than anything is when people talk about me negatively while I'm still in the room, especially when I can hear it. It makes me want to punch them all in the face, quite seriously. The worst part of it all is I would call these people my friends- my colleagues- and they all are exactly who I don't want in myself. Gossip is my least favorite subject of all things, especially involving the degrading of other people. They all lost a bit of my respect, in talking badly about other people. Whether they truly were talking about me or not doesn't matter- they were still speaking lowly of someone else on our team. A team is meant to be supportive of each other, not bitter.
High school's a battle, kids, and you're really lucky if you get out unscathed.
On some other notes, the coolest feeling ever is caused by so:
1. Taking your dog outside for a walk in your backyard at sundown.
2. Standing in a pose that makes you feel like a superhero.
3. Listening to "What I've Done" by Linkin Park. Or The Dangerous Summer, but I recommend LP, from personal experience.
I did that earlier, and it felt like I had just sprung out of a B+ action movie. Powerful stuff right above.
Ugh, I dislike when I get these way intuitive ideas during the day, and go Hey! This would be perfect to post!- and then forget them later.
That is absolutely mind-blowing. Seriously, if you think about that- nothing is out of our reach.
I saw something on our state testing program [what do you know, they actually tought me something]- that we as humans pick our limitations. We are the only things holding us back.
Reflect back. If I really actually tried when I was younger, I could've been a pro at volleyball. An awesome dancer, or ice skater. An artist, a singer. Heck, I could have learned to play an instrument. The only reason why I didn't is because I didn't think I could.
That's the one thing that's great about time: there's always a little bit of it. So, if you're still young [which to me is middle school, but really any age], try for it. Anything. Everything. Just go for it. If you have even the smallest desire, act on it. Ohmygoodness, PLEASE. You might probably will regret not doing it later.
I'm backkkkk. :] I'll just be coming back in shorter sprints, since school started.
I've gone a long way, since my feet first started moving across the floor. Yet when my spirit moved for the first time this year, it melted my heart and connected my heart to my brain by a thread. A powerful thread, yet that's all that it's hanging by.
The only thing I have really done this summer is delve deeper into who I am, and as to find out why I do things the way I do. I'm not sure where this all come from- it just kind of happened. I've never really considered the "why's" and "how's"- just the "what's" and "where's." But now, I am, and it's fascinating.
So, first off, here's a list of a few [ten] things I've discovered:
1. I actually loved going to the extremely peaceful New Harmony, Indiana & Illinois more than the "always-exciting" Gatlinburg. I liked the feelings of roots, and even four and a half hours away at home, I felt them under my feet, calling me back.
2. I laugh at everything, and I never knew why. Anything positively disgusting, I giggle at. I think I use it as a psychological protective kind of thing, to keep my mind pure and overall happy. :]
3. I really want to fight low self-esteem. Not just with mine, but other peoples'. I've been in a life-long fight with mine, and just now I'm winning the battle. I really don't want to lose it ever again, and I'd hate to see anyone else lose, too.
4. I normally am an open-minded person. Up to this point, even though I may dislike something someone says, I still treat them the same either way. But there are some things I can not adapt to: like meanness and disrespect.
5. Goonies never say die.
6. I wanna be a part of history, to where the kids tens of hundreds of years from now will say "Hey, [I] was a part of this" as they flip through their history books.
7. I love people. I love watching them smile and walk by, as they have thoughts and emotions and passions and memories. The art of human nature is just a lovely thing that truly deserves to be appreciated.
8. I was never really aware of how closed my body language was. I've always been sheltered, but I'm trying to change that one step at a time. A little less awkward, a little more open.
9. I still dream. I still have basically impossible dreams about the future, successes, and love, but they are all I have.
10. Writing and music are my escapes, but I've also learned to just be happy.
Next is the ten greatest quotes I found anywhere and everywhere this summer:
1. Be happy, not hungry. [Moi!]
2. People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. [Elisabeth Kubler-Ross]
3. There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say 'watch me'. [WeHeartIt]
4. Be yourself- everyone else is taken. [Not sure.]
5. Make one person happy each day. Even if it's yourself. [Anonymous]
6. Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people. [WeHeartIt]
7. And from that moment forward I picked up everything I could find and I hoisted it over my head and I ate nothing but protein shakes, falcon eggs and ROCKS! [Dolores Umbridge]
8. Just the entire givesmehope.com website. Sum it up, stick it here.
9. Yeah, this one and number ten can SUCK IT.
FAVORITE SNAPSHOT [That's all it takes.]:
Ten secrets/ideas:
1. I'm not sure if I believe in "God", necessarily; However, I do believe that the universe is on the side of justice and equality.
2. I've had a low self-esteem for as far as I can remember, but I'm slowly getting better, and learning to love myself and my qualities.
3. I am truly a wallflower. I could scheme everything up, but never follow through with it. I'm awkward with anyone but my friends, and can't scream to save my life. A pacifist, a dreamer, a romantic.
4. I can't pick out why people don't like me. Some people just look at me like my face is covered with fish eggs or something. If I could have anything in the world, it'd be equality- finally feeling equal, ALWAYS.
5. If anyone I knew ever found this, and it got out, I'd be in WAY over my head. Not that I really say anything bad about people, it's just that this is my one place to myself. No one knows me here, no one judges me here [or puts too much about it], and it doesn't matter any longer where the information goes, to tell you the truth, because no matter where it is, it's out there.
6. I've gotten several new followers- warm welcomes to you! :]
7. The acoustic versions of just about every song [not every acoustic version, but they have the potential to be] are better than the "originals".
8. "I am so romantic, sometimes I think I should marry myself. Nah, just kidding. But I am a very romantic person- I have this infactuation with people in general [some certain people WAY more than others, but that's beyond the point]. I'm the hope[ful/less] romantic that comes up with/loves those corny little things couples do for each other. That's kind of what I live for at this point- hope and love.
9. I have a passion for things that the general public may consider "weird." I think childhood movies, weird words, and indie music, are awesome- end of story. I enjoy ice cream, insightful cartoons, and long walks in the playground.
10. I really, really, really like lists. I need to end it here, before things become out-of-hand.
Finally, the twelve [I couldn't pick just ten, sorry] top songs of my summer.
1. Kids in Love- Mayday Parade
2. Count on Me- Bruno Mars
3. Home- Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
4. Star Crossed Lovers- Take Cover
5. Roslyn- Bon Iver & St. Vincent
6. Billionaire- Travie McCoy
7. Eclipse [All Yours]- Ariana Gillis
8. Fallen [Acoustic]- Death in the Park
9. Smile Bright- Letters & Lights
10. Set Free- Katie Gray
11. Goodnight Moon- Go Radio
12. 1901- Phoenix
Now, I settle as the fall brings a fair breeze, rustling the leaves that quickly change to hues of orange, yellow, and red.
I am currently metaphorically yet-it-feels-oh-so-literally drowning. That immense feeling of overwhelm is washing over me again and again and again, in waves like the tide hits the shore. Only this shore is a freaking dummy, and just started school, and is already in over her head [with oil, and water, from the oil spill].
Ugh. Maybe it's just this week, but I've already cried every night and just feel awful. People have mean looks about them these days, and I just can't handle everything as it is coming right now. I thought I had finally reached that point of enlightenment over the summer where I could deal with everything happily, but things of that nature are much easier said than done.
So, to my dismay, I have to give up blogging until I can screw my head back on [and clean out all the oil, which as we know may take quite awhile]. I apologize- I'll try to make my leave as minimal as I possibly can. I admire you all [readers, followers, creepers]- thank you for everything, and please just bear with me until I get back.
I really wanna see that movie with the owls as the main characters, even though it looks as "fantastic" as The Polar Express. Which is not, in my opinion. It's a deep rue that has a backstory I don't feel like telling. I have this fascination for owls lately, like fancies for owl jewelry and owl dresses and owl purses.
Isn't it funny that the song played on the commercial is by Owl City? :P
ANYWAYS.
I have an epic blog post I'm constructing about the things of summer: what I've done/learned, the soundtrack of my summer, my favorite things about it, favorite new quotes, et cetera. A sneak preview's in this post [the lesson, at least- I'm just applying it to today]! :O
One lesson I've learned: I'm a lot more perceptive of people now with body language and the similarities of other people in myself.
So, there's this kid one year younger than I at my school, who sat next to me and my friend today at lunch. No words, no smiles, just sitting awkwardly shifting in his seat at the end of the table.
It's really ironic, how two people can be so alike, yet so different at the same time. Let us review:
1. Both me and this kid are awkward, and if my friend wasn't there I would be doing the same awkward shifting sitting next to random people, feeling uncomfortable. In fact, I do do it- every single morning, while waiting for the bell to signal us to class. I sit in the hallway, waiting for my friend who never comes, and I just give up and go up to class eventually when I can.
2. He had his arms held around his stomach, so one could assume that he's very sheltered [like myself also, except in guy form; I've been trying to stop that lately].
Me and that very friend had seen him before, but never dared to strike a conversation with him [or, in my friend's case, to hug him].
It's so odd, because I had daydreamed over the summer about meeting somebody. A guy who was sensitive and sweet. Perceptive and contemplative. Has hope, and likes music, art, and blogging. Basically, I was hoping for another Wallflower, like myself, and I think I just may have found one. :] Possibly not- he could be just some other guy, except with cool hair. Maybe [hopefully] that's not the case. But no, I'm completely not confident enough to just say "Hi! What's your name?" No, I sat at the table while he looked at me across the table to talk to him, and I couldn't face my fears. I hope he sits next to us tomorrow again- my friend will obviously probably try to engage in a conversation, but I'd like to try it for myself; to be brave for once in my life.
It is weird to ponder this much about a total stranger? I'm not sure, but I've done it anyways.
*Warning: Self-esteem is my favorite subject. If you are a teenage growing-up girl [or boy], the following words may have a bigger impact on you than imagined. I'm just stating my personal opinion, so please don't write rude comments on it.
I am absolutely, positively disgusted by how many blogs I just found that were about teenage girls and their "dieting." Being skinny and being healthy are two very different things. The part that truly disgusted me was the fact that they had so many followers, all wanting the same thing.
I am a teenage girl- I sometimes realize experience the extreme pressure to "be skinny," and it's shattering against esteems. But ohmygoodness, people are a lot more beautiful if they are healthy. If they eat healthily, and get adequate exercise [although too much of these can be a bad thing], they should be darn "good enough" [what do they do it for, anyways? Prettiness? I never thought that the skeletons around at Halloween were "pretty"...].
Don't comment on this saying that "it's a disease", or "it's a disorder". It has a cure, combined with love and support.
Now, I can't say this without a disclaimer. As of right now, I am a healthy human being. I have never been anorexic. Although short in stature, I am healthy in weight, and proud of my body. I'm not yet comfortable with myself just yet, but that's because of a low self-esteem from my appearance [my view of all human beings having beauty, as humans and creations with thoughts and passions and hearts has seemed to take a toll on my self-confidence when I look in the mirror]. And even then, through love and support, I'm slowly gaining the confidence to be happy with myself. I've accepted that I'll never be perfect, and I'm cool with that.
Teenage boys may want boobs and stomachs, but eventually none of that will matter if there isn't a face or a healthy soul to back it up. What girls should be more proud of are their faces and their souls, not their physical features. Boost that up, make those beautiful.
I write this after going a whole day not caring about my hair, or how awful it may have looked in the rain, or how my right eyebrow needs to be plucked a little bit more. I'm also now craving a whole bag of Doritos.
Behappynothungry,
Macky :]
“No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.”
I've known deep down that I love you. Not like a "I wanna kiss you" kind of way, but "I'm about to punch the girl, the one that says she is your best friend, in the face because she'd give you her cold while I'd give you my kidney" kind of way.
Today just has this natural exuberance [that's still going on, thank goodness :D] that nobody has shaken off. It's to the point of tears, it's so lovely. I couldn't stop laughing at many points through the entire day, even a bit in utter silence [that was a bit embarrassing, but I'm not obsessing with it, so I consider that a psychological step towards my well-being, even though the weird laughing may not have been].
I felt closer to people today than I had felt before. I didn't feel embarrassed with myself at all, about anything. I regret nothing today [except the fact that I couldn't go with a couple of friends to an ice cream place after school, because my brother had an appointment to see a sports injury doctor today and I didn't have a ride home].
I saw HIM today. Yeah, that special him that I was completely twitterpattedinfactuatedhead over heels in love with. I didn't even feel the want to look at him, even though it took the better part of myself to compress my yearn. If you are a teenage girl, you probably know the "yearning" feeling.
Now I have a new [once again, impossible] crush. I'm truly hoping that it's harmless. If it isn't, I'll just drop him just like our bus driver drops off the [annoying] kids. :P
I can say that my early high school years were not necessarily good, but things have turned for the better. So, all you younger-years [which seems like a handful of you?]: if you feel like you're having a hard time, and it's not getting much better, and you just want to drop out and forget everything, just remember that it does get better [maybe not easier, but better] as the time goes on.
Should I truly be sad that he's gone? I mean, I find utter joy in the fact that despite how he says he will "miss everything," I am completely confident that college will be a fantastic experience for him. Goodbyes to me are only sad if they are leaving for a really long time. Even though I'm not there in his Theatre Appreciation Class or whatever [that's the only class I remember him telling me, which he said he wouldn't like], I find happiness in that he will be happy there. That's how much I care about him. He's still here, in spirit, anyways.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Ughh. I apologize [to myself and anyone who has to experience me whilst being upset] for how the things that upset me so much last so little of a time.
He knocked on my door, and asked me outside to say goodbye. With another one of our friends. I wasn't sure if I could make it- I was bawling my eyes out inside, but I made it anyway. I really appreciate him trying.
Um, OWW.
All I can say think feel is oww right now.
You've seen them for days on end- just spare me a night, please. Yes, I realize I'm right down the street. Yes, I know that I missed a couple of really important things of yours [even though you know I would have given anything to be there]. But they can drive across the state to see you, and I can't even go on the highway yet.
Stop "penciling me in"- I don't appreciate it. It leaves me feeling like a bag of dog poop, compared to how much I let you mean to me. Make a real effort to see me, because I'm getting tired of feeling like this. Truth is, I don't really want to see you if you keep making me feel like this.
You're gone TOMORROW. Like gone, left, kaput, until whenever you decide to pack up your things and head back. They can see you before you leave, at whatever time in the middle of the afternoon/morning. I can see you at three in the afternoon at the earliest, and by then you'll be gone.
--------------------------------
Man, I need to stop crying. I just need a good night's sleep, and it'll be better somehow tomorrow.
Thank you for reading. It truly means a lot to me.
I'm sorry I've been so down lately. I know it isn't relating, but it stinks how everyone is convinced that being happy isn't "cool" anymore. I was happy until this incidence above occured. I am hopeful for this year to be a goodgreat one, though [despite how hard it may be].
Hopefullysoontobesmiling,
Macky :]
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Painting my toes bright sunshiny yellow & jamming out to Chase Coy apparently brings a smile to my day. Try it, dudes. :]
I'm just kinda in the "f*$^ it" mood, which is odd, because I'm not exactly sure what "f*$^" means.
F*$^ America's ideal of the "perfect girl/woman-person". F*$^ all the people that made me feel extremely insecure about myself today. F*$^ everyone that tells me I should actthinktalkdressbe a certain way.
I'm going to be myself, and that's way more "cool"awesomebeautiful than all those fake people combined, because one-of-a-kinds are always more valuable.
Ahh. Now I'm bored. Terrified was a bit of an overreaction [I'm a teenager: everything we say is an exaggeration]. More like my first day of school is over, and now I am completely and utterly bored.
Today is my last day of freedom, essentially: the last "easy" day. Now all I can think of is what's ahead: the two AP tests, my college class, the PSAT, my hair [it doesn't matter the situation, it's basically always on my mind], the ACT, state testing....
*Brain explodes*
Running on little food and sleep isn't my favorite, either.
I'm happy though, because at least I'm facing them all with some of my closest friends [except for my best friend- this morning was bittersweet].
I didn't see him today. As of right now, maybe it's better that way. As of right now, I don't care.
This year is going to be really busy, but hopefully I can find time within it to halfway enjoy myself.
And see Vampires Suck, because that movie seems hilarious.
Reallyhopingthisyearisthebestyet,
Macky ;]
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I have this thing for Casper the Friendly Ghost that I just can't let go. Maybe it's the fact that although I haven't lost anyone close in my life yet [I've been blessed that way], I still feel hope that they will always be with me in spirit [maybe not in a paranormal way, though].
Tomorrow is my first day of junior year [high school American-style, of course]. Currently, I'm part terrified, part meh/okay/whatever. First year without my best friend since middle school. It used to be easy because we'd go straight to class in younger years, but now I get there early and have to wait for twenty-ish minutes, normally with Dirk & Company. Now who? I guess that will just be a mystery until tomorrow.
I really want to thank everybody for the blogging love. You all rock, and I desperately need to make a "my favorite blogs" section [which is all of them]. ♥ Sadly, I can't make it right now, with all I still have to do before tomorrow. :[
This is actually one of my pictures. I don't know how to do anything "cool" with it, nor have supplies to do anything cool with it, so it can just stay this way.
All I can think of is the word "home." Maybe it's just me being away, for so long, that this word gives me more comfort than "the place I normally live" [in which the two are entirely seperate].
Home, to me, is where the sun seems to rise at the time in the morning it should, and give way to the moon upon the approach of the stars in the clear sky.
Home, to me, is the feeling in my heart where everything is at peace with the world, or bliss that runs far like the smell of fresh flowers.
Home, to me, was pushing off the leafy ground and falling up into the bird egg-colored sky, soaring through the air high above all the happy people.
Home, to me, is the feel of sweet Malone's taffy melting in my mouth, or DiMaggio's secret-cheese pizza.
Home, to me, is the early mornings I sometimes spend with my Grandma out on the front porch, watching the sun rise as we drank orange juice and coffee.
Home, to me, is whenever I'm one of the numerous people that care about me.
Home, to me, is the collection of all the old songs on my iPod that bring me back to days spent under oak trees and on playgrounds.
Home, to me, was the traditional Valentine-giving we all had as youths.
Home, to me, is not the doorway, but the escape, from all the panic and escape of life away from home.
I truly honestly [hopefully] will not be on Blogger today or tomorrow or even several more days after that. My summer work is in crucial need of being done, and if I don't do it soon, I fear it will never be.
So, leave me something interesting to chew on when I come back, please? Questions? Thoughts? New followers? ;D ANYTHING- you all are fantastic. ♥
I was late up last night doing summer work [it seemed productive to do while I couldn't sleep, after reading this post by Kay], and my mind couldn't help but stray away from archetypes & symbols.
I saw on Yahoo! a couple of days ago a story about a guy letting his girlfriend get hit with a foul ball during a baseball game [if you haven't heard of it, you only help my point, thank you]. Now, within this very week, they were on one of those talk shows. The JetBlue guy has been hunted down by paparazzi. The guy Kanye West followed on Twitter has so many followers now [and he didn't truly want them!].
It's ridiculous, because being famous used to mean something fantastic: that you had talent, or was an inspiration to somebody.
The people that don't deserve to become famous do, because of stupid things, & the people who do deserve to be famous, for their fantastic deeds or amazing talents, don't actually become famous.
I mean, somebody could become famous for 'tweeting' [I don't have a Twitter, in reality] that Domino's tomato-free pizza sauce tastes like just a cheap ketchup, and somebody else orders an investigation on it and finds out that it really is cheap ketchup [with real tomatoes], and that tweeter just saved the lives of all the people on a semi-secluded island off the coast of Alaska who are allergic to tomatoes, and they want to make a memorial of him in front of town hall, and BAM! They're famous, and being hunted down by news reporters.
Sorry, for some reason that was truly funny last night.
Making mistakes seem to be a major theme in my life right now.
Yesterday, I was super depressed because I'd lost not only my hair, but my self-esteem, and self-respect. I was so obsessed with having pretty hair that I was willing to chop a ton of it off. Yesterday, just letting it go naturally, it definitely felt like a huge mistake [I was bowl-head].
Oh, I definitely felt better about that today. In fact, I was happier about today, because although I don't necessarily feel "pretty," I fixed it, and I at least feel cute. Not like that in a pretty gorgeous long-hair kind of way, but more in a short, small Japanese-girl-with-a-high-voice kind of way. That's essentially what I am right now: just call me Tokyo. :]
But no, today was different: the girl who got a 36 in English on the ACT [a perfect score :D] failed her test for her driving permit. Typical, typical me, to freak out and fail it. On the signs test [nobody cares what the colors on the signs mean!]. Oh well, I can try tomorrow. And the next day. And several more days after that, until I do it six times and have to wait six months. :/
On top of that failure, I almost broke the computer for good, looking up a new template for this [I wanted to go all monster-themed, but that doesn't seem it'll pan out in the near future]. So, you probably won't be seeing too much change for awhile. Or pictures, because my Dad insists that they are "the breeding grounds of devil viruses" or something. So, from me to you: Don't look up templates. At all.
So yes, today wasn't a good day. I made mistakes, and I guess I am to blame, but I didn't do it on purpose. Yelling at me is not only not going to help, but it's also going to make me feel awful. That's why they are called mistakes.
Oh, and if this site gives me any viruses, I'm gonna be super pissed.
[Sorry, this is a summer assignment, and, strangely, I like typing on here better than on Microsoft Word. It feels too secluded. ;] I'll try to make it a bit interesting, though.]
[Title]
"Who am I?" I've tried to answer that question my entire life.
I am still the relentlessly bullied second grader that found safety not only in the very few friends I had, but also in every book I picked up off the dusty library shelves. I wasn't like all the other kids- I had a lisp, and wasn't allowed outside at recess if I had even a sniffle. I grasped reading and its comprehension better than any other kid in my grade (I knew this because I had won the AR points contest for our grade). I was also an amazing speller- I prided myself with the fact that I could encyclopedia as quick as I could say the word itself. I was the bookworm, and the bookworm was me.
I am still the nervous fourth grader that sweated bullets when it was announced that we had to do portfolios. Every other student turned in a barely-filled manila folder, with an easy grin as that could have been taken as "piece of cake." I finished every piece longer than anyone elses', and didn't even finish my prized twenty-page piece on the adventures of two gerbils and a cat. I was the frustrated writer, and the frustrated writer was me.
I am still the shy eighth grader that had a knack for memorizing titles of books and their authors. This knowledge earned me nineteenth in the state for Governor's Cup in the Language Arts Written Assessment. It was amazing, to be at the top of the top of something. I was the champion, and the champion was me.
I am still that awkward freshmen that never talked in English class, except to my friend that sat in front of me. I never raised my hand, and never offered my opinion unless I was called upon. Yet, that very same year, I wrote a compelling memoir that my teacher said was "the best he had ever read." Even though I wasn't gifted and talented in English, the gifted was me.
I am still the naive sophomore that didn't think I'd have to break my back to get through Advanced English with an A, but I did anyways, when also at this time I was slowly turning famous for my writing online. I'd always thought I was an amazing writer. Everyone- every teacher, every friend I'd ever had- had told me so. This teacher was the toughest I'd had, and she almost made me dislike English, but when I realized her intentions weren't malicious, but actually helpful for the future, I appreciated her even more, and even began to enjoy her class. I was the hard-worker, and the worker was me.
While I was struggling with that A (which I earned), I had started a blog on the internet. I wouldn't call myself "famous", or even well-liked, but overall people seem to favor my writing (instead of condemning it). I have sixteen faithful followers, and I write almost everyday. I am the blogger, and the blogger is me.
*[I love you guys!] :D
I still enjoy reading, but don't do it as often. I don't consider it a hobby, but more like a treat. I am an amateur reader- I can't riddle out symbols, or archetypes, with much ease.
I'm good with details, but not with summarizing. I'm great with grammar, yet not with vocabulary (...yet). I struggle with the "Works Cited" formats.
I'm just now beginning to figure out who I am, but it's a ongoing study. I am not just being, I am becoming; my genes, my experiences, my readings, my writings, and my blog posts all make up who I am (as a literate individual). There's no other way to put it; I am Mackenzie: reader, writer, and blogger.
Okay, so that was it [without editing and et cetera]. 4 [of the easiest] parts down, 4 more to go. Whoo..
I got my haircut. Honestly? I STRONGLY DISLIKE it right now. Yeah, it looked okay yesterday [the day I got it], but when I fixed it the way I thought it'd look good, I just had a bowl cut, instead of a cute bob. Fun stuff. I probably won't put a picture up, though, because I'm too disappointed [worst part is if I pass the driver's test tomorrow, I have to take a picture for my TEMPS].
:O
"Love is a canvas furnished by nature, and embroidered by the imagination." -Buford from Phineas & Ferb. "People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross "Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves." - Virginia Satir
I still can't hear very well, and truthfully, it kind of hurts. I don't have a burning passion right now to listen to music- actually, I'm really tired, which is good for me I guess, it being 12:39 pm and all.
I have a depressing confession to make: 1 week until school starts. What a bummer- the end to summer. Even though you won't hear from me the next couple of days [hopefully, because I have quite a bit of summer work to still do], I'll still try to keep in touch with the blogosphere while I'm trying to survive the school-osphere.
Today, however, was my first concert, with my best friend, presenting the Jonas Brothers [even though literally half of it was Camp Rock 2, which I could care less about].
I liked actually being able to see them [even if it was just the large details, instead of every bead of sweat or et cetera I could have seen up closer].
It made me feel younger, going back to the music that moved me back starting really two or three summers ago. I sung. I danced. I screamed, until my voice turned hoarse.
I re-fell in love with their music, and Nick. is. a. dollface. sweetiepie.
Don't try to call me a obsessed fan, because I'm not, I just have big dreams, and won't accept 'deal' with anything less. :]
WHATDIDYOUSAY??,
Macky :]
Sorry I can't hear the song to test it or not, but I almost started crying during this song. Heck, I SUNG during this song. Hello Beautiful- Jonas Brothers.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I'm drowning. I feel overwhelmed with memories, covered head to toe with a pressure to do something about it. I'm not sure what- fighting seems useless with the past, as the current pulls me towards the future.
Ughhh, I love writing at night [morning?], but every noise I hear makes me feel like I'm gonna get busted.
ERGG, I have a rash the size of a flower on my arm, and it's extremely itchy.
What this post is about is pretty self-explanatory. I made it at about 11:30ish last night, but got scared into going to bed by the creaks of the stairs upstairs [which I presumed was my parents, but really I don't know].
Help I'm Alive- Metric
This song makes me feel like I'm setting myself up for an action scene, or running. "Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train..." Count on Me- Bruno Mars
Everytime I hear this song, I grin like an idiot. :] He's an angel. A "new" bit more soulful Jason Mraz, basically. "If you're tossing and you're turning and you just can't fall asleep, I'll sing a song- beside you..." Just The Way You Are- Bruno Mars
One of my friends showed me this song. I don't know if she could tell I have a low self-esteem or not, but this is one of the nicest thing somebody's done for me in a really long time. Thank you, L. :] "When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, 'cause you're amazing just the way you are; and when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile- 'cause girl you're amazing just the way you are..." We Love Like Vampires- Sparks the Rescue
Obsessed with the music video. "Time has no hold on me... but she's got- she's got control over me..." Star Crossed Lovers [Acoustic]- Take Cover
It goes without saying. I'm a sucker for acoustic love songs. "I miss the sound of your voice, not just the way, I play it back in my head..." Roslyn- Bon Iver and St. Vincent
I could fall asleep to this song. Everything's so soft, just like a lullaby. [Every murmur, and every soft stroke of the guitar... Still awake?] If I Had You- Adam Lambert
That beat is addicting. "If I had you- life would be a party- it'd be ecstasy..." Home- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Why DON'T I like this song? [The whistling, and "Home is whenever I'm with you..."] Ponce de Leon- Splitsville
It's a happy song. "Everyone I know- is counting up the losses, while I'm still climbing mountains- tossing coins into fountains..."
Haven't taken a shower, and my hair is suffering for it.
I never knew that picking one single book for summer reading would change my life as much as it did. Martin Luther King Jr. [his writings.] is my favorite hero of all time. Just reading his speeches is fascinating.
Some songs never get old; never grow less emotional, or amazing. Tickets & Passports [only the most amazing-feeling song in the universe] is one of the very same, even after being on repeat for 3 hours.
If I could describe my dream job, it'd involve civil rights, PostSecrets, and helping people feel better about themselves.
"And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town..." ♥
Apparently, little kids love me. I met two little boys today, and they both had a crush on me. One tyke, age three even proposed to me. Huh. Weirdest thing is, I don't have siblings that are really that young anymore. Destiny? Sure, why not.
OH, how I wish it worked that way with guys my own age.
Anyways, I wanted to write more about my "Yes." My yes was approval to go on a trip.
See, the thing is, my Mom signed me up for a trip [TO FRANCE!] in April. Chyeah. Long time ago. We go next spring break, for eleven days, and I've figured out I don't get airsick, so I'm pretty excited. :] They made the deadline that long so people could start raising the money for it.
We didn't tell my Dad, because apparently it's a very 'complicated' situation, to ask him for permission to stuff. She had me scared that if we didn't tell him the right way, at the right time, then he would automatically say no, with no chance of convincing. You can imagine my fear, facing my father's disapproval as I had to hide my candy-selling away from him, & that hefty $2,500 bill for me to pay [without a normal job, I should add].
So, basically, this was that yes. After four months, it had finally reached the right 'time'.
Plus, that $2,500 bill is rapidly shrinking, because there hasn't been that many fundraising events. I consider myself very lucky, because even if I don't can't come up with the money myself , my family can afford to pay the rest [that's where my Christmas is going, so Merry Christmas to me]. I'm pretty sure not everyone that's going can afford it without fundraising, though, so they were probably really counting on it.
I really hope I see my penpal there, because that would be one of the coolest things in the universe [...even though he didn't wish me happy birthday, or "bonne anniversaire"]. :]
Tonight, you can find me dreaming of the Eiffel Tower, falling in love, and well, this song. It's French, so don't get all freaky about it. It's SO sweet, though [Basically a 'he loves me, but I love you more' song].
1. I wish I get taller.
2. I wish that I get more hugs.
3. I wish I can look back next year [on this year] and be happy with all that's happened.
4. I wish for the prosperity of my family, friends [and followers!], and my dog.
5. I wish for a Holiday Parade concert I can actually go to.
6. I wish for becoming a PSAT semi-finalist.
7. I wish that I grow out of my "awkward" phase [which may just be my life...].
8. I wish I had a fancy camera.
9. I wish for at least one really good friend at all times.
10. I wish to find out if he likes me or not.
11. I wish to find courage and hope everyday.
12. I wish that Barack Obama survives his term, and that he actually makes all the changes he promised.
13. I wish that I'll see the world change for the better; for the more peaceful.
14. I wish that this year a lot of people realize looks don't matter, and learn to see past the shell and love.
15. I wish that I don't see myself corrupted by the now-negative society around me.
16. I wish I could get just ONE kiss, but also I wish I can live without it.
Macky :]
All Those Nights- Chase Coy. Sorry if the video stinks [I didn't listen to it, but the song's importante] This is the only song that comes to mind right now. Enjoy!
16 years. Wow. What a huge sounding number, if you think about it towards the future, yet so small when thought of in the past.
All I got for my birthday was tickets to a concert [ the Jonas Brothers. Don't make fun of me, I'm not some crazy-obsessed chick, I just happen to like their music a bit, and have a "thing" for Nick ;D ], a calendar, and a "YES".
Actually, to tell you the truth, I liked the "YES" the most. :)
I had big plans for today, but I think that's enough.
This is my "birth song", I deemed it [the sixteenth song on my iPod shuffled after midnight on my birthday]. Plus, it's a really good song.
I've never met a boy like that. He was walking by, like most boys. Tall, like most boys. Wearing normal boy clothes, like, well, most boys, I guess [that was awkward- sorry]. Making me feel completely and utterly invisible, like most boys.
This one was different, though. He walked by, noticed me looking at him, then stopped to look me full in the face, with a kind of weird look on his face. A total of three seconds passed, and he walked, still looking at me, away towards the car section of the store.
I didn't mind it, though. I was so shocked, I couldn't breathe. I didn't know him, but it didn't matter.
I've never felt so intimidated in my entire life.
Yet, I've never loved it more.
Thanks for noticing, Macky
[Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Well, it feels like awhile, at least. I've been busy with life.]
