Morning Thoughts

Today is "Rawr-Like-A-Dinosaur" day. Self-proclaimed, of course.

I've already done it. Woke up my little brother and sister, actually. Now it's your turn. [:

"I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah & the Queen..."

Adore this song.

Now, if you'll excuse me, me and Link are going to go kick some Goron [fill in the blank].

Memory

[Sorry, I'm not sure if this is philosophical or just plain stupid.]


I think sometimes we all just wish we could all start over. To tell you the truth, there's one way you can. It's messy though: amnesia ain't a pretty thing.


I mention this because I read a book exactly about that the other day. Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac, Gabrielle Zevin. Check it out, if you like. I definitely recommend it.


My favorite quote from it:


" 'It happens, baby.' Dad nodded and patted me on the hand, and then he read my mind. 'You forget all of it anyway. First you forget everything you learned- the dates of the Hay-Herran Treaty and the Pythagorean theorum. You especially forget everything you didn't really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your teachers, and eventually you'll forget those, too. You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit and your best friend's home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times. For me, it was something by Simon & Garfunkel. Who knows what it will be for you? And eventually, but slowly, oh so slowly, you forget your humiliations- even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. Who went to a good college. Who threw the best parties. Who could get you pot. You forget all of them. Even the ones you said you loved, and even the ones you actually did. They're the last to go. And then once you've forgotten enough, you love someone else.' "


While I read this passage, I thought about all of what it said. How can I forget my favorite song, or Dirk's phone number? How can I forget blankity-blank that I had a huge crush on, or that embarrassing event in English class freshmen year?


I've always heard [and I hope you have, too] that it won't matter who had the most popular clothes, or what girl had the biggest boobs [unless you have one of these things- I guess you'd remember later on possibly, out of shallow pride.]- it shouldn't come as a shock.


Yet, when you actually apply it to your life, it yields suprising results, agreed? I'm pretty sure when I'm old and sitting on my front porch I won't remember all that. And even if I do, it won't really matter.



That's the only part I look forward to when I'm old. I'm scared to death of dying [pun intended]; scared to death of growing up and only knowing the number to 911, my boss, my family, and my tax collector; scared to death of losing everything I know; and scared to death of medicine, shots, etc.




But I'm happy to know that the bad will fade, and eventually there'll be a point where that all doesn't matter anymore, and I realize it didn't really matter then. It's always been about happiness. It'll be the air under my wings, figuratively. That's when people can truly live in the moment- when they're old.

"Inappropriate" Short-Shorts.

Sorry I haven't been writing lately. Nothing very "inspirational" has been through my mind the last couple of days.



I went to the mall with my friends [both named Lauren- that was confusing] and one of theirs' mum [yeah, I'm American, but I like the word "mum" more] & sister a couple of days ago. Let's just say waking up at 7 o'clock after sleeping for 6 interrupted hours for that wasn't my cup of tea.



Now, let me tell you something funny about my day. I only bought 2 things: a shirt & a rad necklace. Why this is so "funny"? Well, it all happened when Lauren's mom was with us, in American Eagle [which I kind of like, but their pants are too long for me]. And Hollister [My first time there; All I can say is that it smelt good, and some of their music was good]. And Aeropostale [cheap stuff, but cookie-cutter]. But specifically, in American Eagle, she picked up a pair of shorts. Ironically, the same pair I had wanted to buy. I have been WAITING to buy them for weeks, since I saw it first go online awhile ago. And what does she say?



"What kind of girl would want to walk around in these??" She asked us rhetorically, picking up the smallest pair in the pile [the size I would wear] and waving them around like somebody would tease someone else to buy an embarrassing a pair of underwear. "Walking around with their buttcheeks out?"



Actually, me [not the buttcheeks part, but those short-ish shorts], thanks. This was the mom, though, that I noticed never let her daughter wear shorts above her knee. And didn't let us be by ourselves the entire time. So, I just kept my mouth shut about still liking them.


The other Lauren [not her daughter] told her jokingly I liked them, but I tried to cover it up, saying I saw them only on the website. Her response: "Of course."


Hmph.

But, all I could think about was if Lauren's mom thought THAT about short shorts, did Lauren think the same way, too? I hope to goodness not, for her sake. I don't think so- I don't think someone THAT good as she is would be friends with me if she thought I was a slut.



So, yeah. I love my Mom. She's fantastic, especially for not making me that ridiculously "appropriate."

She Moves in Her Own Way- The Kooks.

LOST BRAIN

Ermm... when exactly did my brain fall out?

If you see it, it's kind of big and important-looking. It's a brain, it's kind of hard to miss... Just please don't step on it, or squeeze it.

There will be a hefty reward, I promise. Probably in M&M cookies.

Thanks,
Mickey

Found these beautiful, hilarious things on a little website called Tumblr, and they made me smile. Hope they do the same for you. :]

I'm the Dirtiest Girl in the World [Thanks to my Mom]

Last night was the first night I fell asleep before midnight. It was a splendid sleep, too, except for after it when I woke up my throat was on fire [from falling asleep under the comforter].

I was 99.9% sure I was going to a play today. Turns out my Mom got the dates missed up, and really I'm going to see DreamGirls [the production!] tomorrow with her, my sister, and my grandmother.

But NOo, she just wanted to make sure I didn't have plans [or cancel them, like I had to] so I could wake up early and pick up trash along the Ohio River. It was alright, I guess- not the worst hour of my life. Possibly the itchiest and muddiest one, though. It was kind of like a Where's Waldo? search, except for trash in mud. [:

I actually got stuck in the mud, when I was overconfident in thinking I wouldn't sink in. WRONG. I got stuck 2 feet from the water's edge, and my sister had to [carefully] come to my rescue.

Let's just say I now know why cows get stuck in the mud, and tons of people have to help them out.

I also lost my bracelet Dirk [my best friend] gave me! :'[ At least I have another one, from the same place- just orange, instead of blue.

Along with my ruined shoes, muddy hands, and sandy knees, I also had a filthy mind, for some reason.

So, it goes to say [jokingly] that I was a very trashy/dirty girl today.

Mood: Strong

"It takes a strong heart to cry, but it takes a stronger heart to say
why."

Hope can do so much for a person :)

So, if you read my last post, you may be thinking to yourself: What happened? Did it all work out?

As you can tell by the fact I'm not completely shattered, yes, everything's fine and [hopefully] dandy.

I guess I'll tell you the whole story, if you want it.

Yesterday basically was the scariest day [not involving a death/accident, I guess] of my 15 [almost 16!] years on this planet.

I knew it was the last day he'd have here. I basically sat by my phone the entire day, hoping for a text- an invitation for one last adventure. Every silent hour as it passed hurt a little bit more.

At 5, and still nothing, I felt extremely resentful and bitter. Fine- if you don't care, I don't either. I left then for my brother's baseball game.

That bravado didn't last that long.

About 9 PM came around, and it honestly felt like I was going through "heartbreak hell" [please excuse my language- it's appropriate for what I'm talking about, if you've ever felt it] again, just like I did over my first boyfriend when he broke up with me. This was deeper though- like it cut all of the threads connecting my heart's tissue apart, and the pieces sagged deeper and deeper away from each other. It physically hurt.

After too many tears, it was 11:30, and I still got nothing. I was tired of waiting, wanting to be SOO angry at him. I texted him- the anxiety was boiling over as to why.

"Did you even Want to say goodbye to me?"

5 minutes later, my phone buzzed.

"Yea :("

I was going to stop it at that- if that's really all he could say after that, he didn't really care. However, he stayed up texting me until 12:30 AM, explaining he was just too busy [and he felt bad if he tried to leave his (I think this girl's insanely in love with him- I feel bad for her) "stalker"'s grad party]. He told me he was bringing the keychain I got for him up in Canada. I've been wearing a bracelet he gave me [from when he went to Boy Scout camp as a kid] for 3 days straight. We said goodnight, and that was all...

That night. :) He told me he was leaving at 8 that morning, so I woke up at 7, just to see him before he left. Waking up at 7, over the summer, after only getting 6 hours of sleep, wasn't exactly my cup of tea, but it was definitely worth it, even if I did awkwardly wait for him for a long while I took my dog out for a walk.

Even if we didn't hug [We never did that kind of thing- we've only hugged once in our entire friendship, and I don't think that's gonna change, especially now.], or he didn't "confess his undying love for me," I feel like I've proven I care about him. Enough to where he won't forget me here, at least.

The last things he told me?

Goodbye. Be positive. Go running every once in awhile, on the trail for me.

I watched their Tahoe drive by, and for some odd reason, it didn't hurt. I waited, and waited, and waited for it to hurt, but the pain never returned.

Hmm, I thought: I guess I'm stronger than I thought.

The rest of the day has gone by pretty busily.

As long as I keep myself busy, everything will seem alright with the world.

"I know that I should be brave
Even pretty can be seen by the blind
I know that I cannot wait
Until the day we finally learn how to find each other
Redefining open minds
And if you ask me the feeling that I'm feeling is overjoyed
And it's golden, it goes to show then
The ending of this song should be left alone
And so on cause the way it unfolds
Is yet to be told."

Prettiest Friend- Jason Mraz.

[Note I hope you all like the new blog template! I made the heading myself on Paint. (:]

Forget-Me-Not

It seems like everybody else has been writing about missing somebody [or something] these last couple of days. Truthfully, it freaking stings.

It's the day before the last day of my friendship with my best friend. He'll leave, and then come back for a bit, but I can already tell by how his face lights up when he talks about his future that it won't be the same. And then he'll leave again, for much much longer.

We've spent so many days together I can't even begin to count. Every day before school, in the hallways, he was there. Every day, in the summers of the past, he was there. We walked through the wilderness, and went on adventures.

But now those summers have run out, and he's about to leave. I'm trying to hold on to every memory now, but the time is slipping through my fingers, falling and settling on the bottom side of the hourglass.

He is one of my very few close friends, and probably one of the most important people in my life. He's been the only one I can see in the summer- the only one I've ever been able to tell all my secrets to, and trust him to keep [most of] them.

The thing I'm most afraid of is that it'll hurt more later than it already is now, even though he's not even gone. I'm afraid it'll hurt more than all the crushes I've had in my life combined, when I don't get a call or a text when he starts his "more mature" college life without me. It hurt when he said that he didn't want to keep in track with all of his old friends, afraid he'd feel "obligated to come back" and actually care about them.

I refuse to let go of him, though, until he forces me out his life, or forgets about me.

Yet, I'm hoping his leaving will help me. Even if he does forget me, my other friends, although they aren't as close, hopefully can help fill this hole in my heart. I can hopefully learn to live for myself for once, and not rely on others.

So, all I can say is farewell, and not to forget me.

[I certainly won't forget about him...]

Blogger Award Say What? :D

So, there I was, just cruising along the internet, being bored out of my mind & checking out my reading list, when I see this interesting picture shown above staring me in the face [literally]. Curious, I clicked on the link to Ariella's page, and actually found out I. got. nominated. for. this. award [last but not least]. :D

It makes me really extremely happy and thankful, not only because this is my first award, but also because I kind of still consider myself a rookie on here [both in writing and in knowing how to do things on Blogger]. Naturally, I had no idea what to do about it. So, I waited for someone else to do a post about it. Finally, I've got it figured out.

Now on to the requirements!

First, I [the people nominated] have to post the weirdest picture I [the people nominated] have ever seen or taken. Well, I know the perfect one for sure. ;D



This is a picture I techincally did not take [I took one of the same exact thing, but mine was blurry, so I used one of my friends' to further explain why it is the weirdest picture I'd ever taken. That's what you get when you have a cheap camera.] When my French Club took a trip to Quebec, we saw these little buds [not exactly whistling while they work, huh?] in a little taxidermy museum. They are "preparing for hibernation", according to the plaque, I believe. It was the most hilarious, bizarre thing we had ever seen.

Oh, and I [the people nominated] also have to answer these questions:

Have you ever used Photoshop?

No, I can not say I have. I'm not really a photographer- I have a cheap old-ish camera my parents gave me because my Dad got a fancy new one for work. I wish I had a fancy camera, and some software, but for right now I'm just a girl with a camera, a dream, and an eye for beauty. :]

Have you ever wanted to kill your camera because you couldn't get the perfect picture?
YES. Once again, it's cheap, and my timing's off sometimes. That, and how it doesn't record sound, but it records video.

Have you ever taken a picture from the top of a very steep hill or a cliff?
Yep. I could blog all day and night about this one steep hill/cliff I am in love with. It isn't that high, but it's got the perfect view over my subdivision, and it's absolutely gorgeous. I'll save that for another post, though. :]

Oh, and now I have to nominate 8 lucky people to receive this award.I choose...

Kay from Cerulean Skies [because both her blogs deserve one :D]

Carly from Clones of American Girls

Breann from Ripping Wings Off Butterflies

Kathryn from *your biggest mistake

Shalia from Stop hate.Spread love☮

Tenley from Never Stellar

Dawson from little box of secrets♥

And, last but not least, Krista Lee from i'm wasting my time.

I wish I could just nominate everyone who reads my posts. You all are just great, and I enjoy every blog I follow really. THANK YOU! :D

[I also really like Ariella's blog, but am I allowed to nominate you for your own award? :)]

It Was A Dark & Stormy Night

I never understood why people don't like that line. It was probably the most original thing ever at the time. That and "once upon a time" are just the classics. And we treat our beginnings like they're any better? Pssh, it's just like that with preteens and their poppy, unoriginal musicians that they think are the best singers in the entire universe. Like I like the Jonas Brothers, but I understand they are definitely not the best singers in the world, let alone the first boy band ever created. Somebody was there acting like Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus [and the Jonas Brothers] before they even came into play.

Speaking of musicians, you know what's worse than Justin Beiber? [Not that I personally don't like him- the hype over him is the worst part. I mean, seriously, people I know find a hobby in hating on him, but really they're just hyping him more..] A busload of teenage girls singing his songs for an hour straight. And not on tune, at all, when they thought they were such great singers. Trust me, it's worse.

That's the one part of the story I don't like to write- the beginning. Part of it is because I stink at beginnings. All I ever do is some trivial action, like the main character waking up, or getting a phone call. Or, in one specific case, taking a walk from a hill with an amazing view. :] [How do you guys write beginnings to your stories?]

But anyways, yeah, I also write this because it was a dark and stormy night here last night. The tornado sirens were going off at 10:30, and the rain poured down so hard that I couldn't see much farther than my window. It was the type of rain that would completely drench you in 5 seconds, and probably each raindrop would sting on your skin.

I felt kind of bad, because while my brother and sister were freaking out a bit, I sat there in the basement with them, typing this, grinning like an idiot. I adore the way storms cause so much hype, and the way they make my adrenaline pump through my veins like the crazy little hyper kid I used to be. I extremely wanted to go out and just feel it, even for just a minute. But with the lightning going off it was "dangerous" [sigh.. parents..].

I could only tell you now that staying up until 1:30 in the morning, watching the lightning light up the sky, was a bad idea, though.

My Own Pitiful Ramblings [Take Two]

Wow. I haven't written anything on here for four days [I'm not going to lie, I didn't really care up until I found out it was 4 days. I thought it was two]. All the days seem the same, especially when their nights pour rain.

To tell you the truth, "anger" [truly it's aggravation & impatience] has been building up inside of me for the last couple of days. Why? It's been a week, and I'm still sick. Where the heck are Ozzy & Drix when you need them?

I don't see how my best friend can even put up with me. Not returning texts [well actually that's just in general], not hanging out for a whole freaking week, when he's about to leave for the summer. If I was him, I would have unfriended me a long time ago [but then again, that'd leave me with very close to no one]. I don't deserve a friend as great as he is, and soon enough he's going to be leaving.

Why don't things work out the way they do in my storybooks? Where'd all those beautiful endings go, that are really just beginnings? I'm sitting, waiting in constant conflict, waiting for the climax to build up. That's when the story will explode and take on life itself.

"I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall"

[I can't help but feel everything in my heart churn, hearing these lyrics- this song- that acoustic guitar.]

Crepes

I haven't giggled [yes, giggled] this hard, or been this happy this long, for a really long time. Actually, since last summer.

Sunday, my best friend randomly came up with the crazy idea to pronounce the word "crepe" like "crap", just with a fancy French accent. Over and over again. To give you a taste of what he said:

"Hello, sir, I'll take a 'crap' today, please."

[Even though he meant for it to be partially offensive to me, because I love French, I could help but laugh hysterically like an immature 6 year-old would. :D]

I can't remember a great [funny-wise] long period of time between now and last summer.

Last summer is when I got my first "real" boyfriend [real is in quotation marks, because it might as well been a long-distance relationship :/]. He always knew how to make me laugh, and I'd just go crazy laughing and talking with him on the phone. It'd make me feel young, and immature, and honestly, I liked it.

I don't want to date him anymore, and he has a girlfriend and seems perfectly happy with his life, but is it so bad to want him back in my life? I mean, he tried to still be friends with me after he broke up with me, but the "heartbreak" [pssh.] was so new, I couldn't handle it. He always said we could try on a friendship again later, but later came, and we still went back to ignoring each other.

I just miss laughing at ridiculously immature things [with somebody else], I guess [instead of laughing all by myself over movies I watched when I was 5, all while eating chocolate pudding].

Well, here, it's nearing nighttime. Sweet dreams, readers. :]

This Isn't Worth Reading- A Waste of Your Valuable Time

Sorry, but nothing interesting is coming to my mind- I'm not feeling myself today.

[Yet how can I be yourself if I'm trying to figure out who I am?]

I've cussed more today than I ever have in my life [not at anyone, but just by myself, in frustration at my terrible condition; I don't cuss in front of people- in fact, most people think I've never cussed in my life. But how silly is that? Everyone thinks bad thoughts every once in awhile- it's just whether they show it or not that really counts.]

[Once again, sorry, I'm mentally exhausted. I'll try to get better, and write something worth reading tomorrow.]

:[

It's extremely sad, when you are SO sick, you can't listen to even a whole song. Especially when...

A. This so-called "sick" person [me] can't go [happily] a day without music. Or, more specifically, using her iPod.
B. iTunes put out the Vans Warped Tour playlist today [Last year's was AMAZING- I was so looking forward to this year's; Then it goes and (basically) stinks this year].

Erggg..

51 Reasons Why I Think I Rock

[Moi.]

I have this thing with lists... once I start with one, I can't stop at just one. :)

Okay, so I was surfing Google, when I came across a cool idea to blog about. I've been really down on myself lately, and it seems kind of like everybody else is, too, so I'm making it my duty [and everyone elses'] to make a list of 51 things [yeah, not 50. 50's too plain a number.] I [you] like about yourself. I won't tag people, but I want ALL of my faithful followers to at least attempt this, and publish their list. :]

1. I get very good grades at school.

2. I'm a mostly peaceful person.

3. But I'll take a stand for what I believe in.

4. I'm done with trying to "fit in" with other people. I either fit in as I am, or I won't at all.

5. I see with my heart, and not my eyes. I feel like a better person for it.

6. I'm a good friend to the people I truly care about.

7. I don't enjoy gossip. I think it's ignorant, a sin, and a waste of words.

8. I'll laugh at just about anything slightly funny.

9. I'm a fast sprinter.

10. I have the cutest bellybutton ever.

11. I make good [depression] brownies.

12. I have a "different" taste in music [compared to my friends, family, etc.].

13. I'm good at learning languages.

14. I'm a bit on the geeky side.

15. I'm a great speller.

16. I'm a "deep" kind of person.

17. I have AWESOME hair [Sorry. That's probably my favorite subject.].

18. I like writing.

19. I'm proud of my test-taking skills.

20. I want to help people when I grow up.

21. Apparently, people think I'm much younger than what I really am. Now if I could keep that up for the rest of my life... that'd be great. :]

22. High school's just a show, and I specifically don't try to be the star.

23. I'm easily inspired.

24. I set the bar high for myself, just because I want to treasure whatever it is more when I [hopefully] achieve it someday.

25. I'm really detailed with just about everything.

26. I have a strange obsession with sock monkeys.

27. I'm working hard everyday to realize my self-worth, and how great I really am.

28. I enjoy time alone just as much as I do with other people.

29. I don't wear a lot of makeup.

30. I like to use correct grammar. And spelling. ALL the time.

31. I'm a really bad liar [well, my parents say that's a good thing...].

32. I'm innocent [ if you know what I mean ;) ], and proud of it.

33. I can't take a nap [I do take pride in that, for some reason.].

34. I'm partially psychic.

35. I'm a dreamy kind of person.

36. As a baby, I had bleach-blonde baby bird hair that would stick straight up.

37. I'm left-handed.

39. I have pretty spectacular vision.

40. I go to a holiday called "Corn Day" every year. 'Cause I'm cool like that.

41. I like planning things out before I do them.

42. I refrain as much as I can from doing dangerous things.

43. I am healthy [most of the time].

44. I know song lyrics [although I don't feel free enough to sing them in front of people].

45. I have a good sense of style.

46. I like sayings.

47. I treasure my music more than my cell phone.

48. I'm a wiz at hide-and-go-seek.

49. I like animals.

50. I'm really stingy with money. Which allows me to save money, I guess.

51. I'm creative enough to come up with this many things I like about myself! :]

Reminiscing [Or However You Spell It]

Feeling sick stinks.

BUT... it gives you a chance to catch up on being lazy.

And, what I'm doing with this time is watching my favorite movies from my childhood.

I've spent the last couple of days watching SpongeBob for hours on end. Earlier today, I watched some Jimmy Neutron episodes, and an episode of My Gym Partner's a Monkey [MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY]. Right now, I'm currently watching Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves.

And later I'm going to watch some Rugrats episodes, Monsters Inc., The Brave Little Toaster, and a Scooby-Doo movie [I'm not sure which one- it doesn't say on the VHS].

Yeah- I can't even believe what there is now. I feel bad for this new generation of children- they must feel so deprived of everything. At least they'll get Toy Story 3, too.

The kids are about to throw a crazy party, and the parents are going dare-devil driving on HotWheels. I'm out. Have a good [sick] day. :]

A Lonely Summer and a Long List

[A picture of our 'gang' several summers back. We dressed up like the parts of a hamburger for my sister's birthday. I'm the freaky one in the green shirt with my hair in my face, looking short and stupid. My best friend's right next to me- he's the tomato. :D]


Just saying, because of my guilty conscience, this isn't my own idea: personally, I found it first on Kay's blog Cerulean Skies, and then on Shalia's blog Stop hate.Spread love☮ [both of which I adore].


With my best friend (who is also my only friend who lives nearby) leaving for the summer, and then for college, this summer will be the loneliest yet. BUT, I don't plan on making it the most boring.


There are already some things I have to do, like:

[] Finish my summer work (before the last week of summer)
[] Do some things to earn some money (mostly for France, but some for me)
[] Practice doing the PSAT/ACT (thanks, Mom)
[] Volunteer doing different things (thank again, Mom, for signing me up to do things with strangers.)

BUT, there are some things I have set on my mind to do this summer, like:

[] Go to a concert (Not just ANY concert- a concert with one of my FAVORITE bands in it, hopefully, if any of them come around. Probably Warped, if my parents'll let me.)
[] Play outside with my dog in the rain (Even though it might be difficult- he hates it.)
[] Go on a run/jog every once in awhile (I live right next to a park, after all- it's not out of my way.)
[] Go up on my hill all by myself :] (I'll explain that when I do it.)
[X] Spend a whole day reminiscing (Preferably by watching old Disney movies.) It's one way to stay happy while being sick.
[] Make a new friend (OR, help a friendship blossom.)
[] Send my best friend a card/candy
[] Go on the Mystery Mine Rollercoaster again (Even though I was scared to death riding it the 1st time.)
[] Learn how to swim
[] Leave special messages in books (I actually have accidently done that before. But these will be on purpose.)
[] Try a new food/type of food I'd normally never attempt
[] Get a new hairstyle I actually can do (And like.)
[] Write a story I actually like (I'm not very good at them)
[] Go camping in my backyard
[] Dance down a busy street (as long as there's music)
[] Take more pictures than I ever have before
[] Appreciate something my Grandma picks out for me to wear/have (I'm not so sure I can 'like' something, though.)
[] Go on an adventure (Imaginary or not.)
[] Have a full-blown epiphany
[] Bake something (with or without setting anything on fire)
[] Draw up my future plans for my future house/cottage :]
[] Fully realize my self-worth; I am beautiful, and I don't need a guy to be in my life.
[] Update this blog as often as possible (In general and about these experiences)


I'm going to stop it at that- otherwise, I'll have too many things to do in one summer!

My Head's Too Stopped Up to Soar

I'm sick.

Sick of feeling life as it lies lazily in my bed, with no motivation to do anything.

Sick of hearing people just say meaningless words, when it'd be more useful for them just to stop talking and breathe.

Sick of seeing the tears aimlessly wandering in peoples' eyes.

Sick of tasting nothing but my fingernails [I know- It's an awful habit].

I just have a fever, and a scratchy throat, but I can feel these symptoms coming on, too.

Can a person drown their sorrows downing pretzels?



I'm attempting to...

Whoo! I'm up an hour past my bedtime!

That's truly about as rebellious as I get these days...

Smiling & Secrets Are My Favorite. :]

A Secret: Even though it's been a year or two since the Jonas Brothers were even popular, I still like him. But I didn't like him because he was famous. Or because he had money. I liked him because of how much he was going through, and what he was doing despite of everything holding him back. And he has a [metaphorical] accent- "sweet-ish." :]

"Smile, happy looks good on you." :D [Stephen Jerzak]

Another Secret: I wish I knew how to make everyone I care about smile.

My Final Secret [On Here]: I wrote this part of a song a while back, even though I don't really write songs. It's kind of embarrassing, but I've had this song in my heart for awhile. Like I sing it in the shower... in my head at school... yeah. Mix the tunes to Stephen Jerzakses songs "King", and "Cute," and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

Hey there sunshine,
Won't you be mine?
Out of the dark
You always show me the light
And then when I'm feeling down
You make the whole world seem bright.
(Cha-cha-cha)

Hey there baby
Just oh, maybe
We're both feelin' something
There's some energy here
So when we are together
Can I call you my dear?

And now we're both
Falling down
In love like the sunset
Watch it fall
Live it up
Because it can only last so long..
So longggggg
(Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-POP)

That's all I got. Hope you like it [I for sure do]. :]

I just stopped watching Toy Story 2 a little while ago, and it was actually nice to take a little bit of time and reminisce [yeah- got it right on the first try!] back to when I was a little kid. I sat, in front of my TV, cheering on for Buzz Lightyear to save Woody, and Woody to see the error of his ways.

I've come up with the idea that the "Toy Stories" are basically the most awesome quests ever created by Disney [tied with Mulan, of course].

I've noticed lately that my life has been running in a pattern.

Doing the things I want versus the things society forces pressures me into doing.

And, most of the time, it's on the more depressing side for me.

It's kind of sad, how life works out sometimes.

I couldn't ask for it to be any different though.

I skipped seeing these guys live [Holiday Parade- aka the best band in the entire freaking world.]



For this:



Not my favorite choice of my mother, but probably the best one for me.

And like missing my best friend's graduation party for my state track meet [which I wouldn't have minded if I knew we had a chance to win. And if could have left earlier than 11:00 PM to still go to his party at all].

It'll all work out in the end, though. There should be a second chance at everything good in this world.

They Don't Die.

[ Isn't that pun-ny? :) ]

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under..
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Old professors never die, they just lose their class.
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
Old teachers never die, they just lose their class.
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.

[Every line is taken from this website]

Mickey Say What?

I started writing a story last summer, and now I'm just getting around to looking at it again. I actually really miss working on it, so I started up on it again, and may just put a piece of it up to get your guys' opinions. :)

It's a pretty cliched story- a girl goes on a trip, falls in love with a boy, there's complications, and so on.

So, sound good, anybody??

5 Confessions

1. I wish I could take a bunch of balloons, and just fly away for awhile. I'd be soaring above the sky, taking pictures from up above. You can catch everything from up above, you know? :)



2. I've had the hugest head-over-heels crush ever on 2 kids- both of which I've basically never held a conversation with. In the high school scene it seems as though boys see with their eyes, not their heart.



3. I absolutely adore pocket neighborhoods. And the rainy climates of the north sides of both coasts. Really, just cottages in general, but these are beautiful.



4. I don't like birthdays. I feel kind of bad for not telling people "Happy Birthday," but mostly because it's just another day usually for me. I have a history of bad birthdays, and always disliking them. So, I don't feel sad when nobody tells me happy birthday. It's just my way of life.



5. My life revolves around what I see. Anything I see is reality, even in my dreams. It's accepted with open arms naively.

Dreaming of the Past, and the Future

This was single-handedly the most beautiful experience I've had thusfar in my life, even though there were dogs' butts in my face the entire time.




For some reason I really liked this when we drove by it. :)

I want to go on another adventure like this one.

[ And I will, just it'll be at least 50-60 degrees warmer. Plus, it'll be in France. Oh mon dieu, oui. :) ]

Ohhhhhh- Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea??

Good Morning, Readers. :)

I have a lot I need to do [yet I have quite awhile to do it], but I think today will be one of those days with a lot of "should haves, but did nots"s.

Instead of doing any of the productive things that are sitting around me, I'm sitting here on the computer, looking at things I can't selectively afford [I'm saving every penny I have for France], watching SpongeBob SquarePants.

Kind of like what Plankton's doing. Always failing at doing things, and being kind of lazy about it. In this episode, he's gotten SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward to remodel the Chum Bucket. And to think, as a kid, I always felt bad for him.

Now, I realize he's just lazy, and really small-minded.

He was unsuccessful, again, in stealing the Krabby Patty Secret Formula. Another episode will be coming on, and I guess it's taught me hopefully what it's teaching the youth watching it- if you want something to be done right, you gotta do it yourself. Oh, and good always triumphs over evil. That's all, I guess, for awhile from me.

It's All Good

Yeah... I just happened to have overreacted. And I also freak out over the littlest things.

It wasn't that bad- one of my friends suprisingly was there, at least.

All that matters is that I'm helping people through it. :)

[And it'll show up on my college application, etc.]

Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, SHOOT!

This will not go over greatly, I can tell.

Okay, so my Mom, being the caring, wanting-success-in-me parent she is, decided to sign me up for an ice-cream party for 4-h in my town for tonight. And decided to tell me today.

And, sure enough, I don't want to go. Not really because it "cramps my style" [it doesn't matter], but because I know a whole 1 person going. No offense to her, but she's kind of annoying. All the rest of the people signed up for the event [on Facebook, at least] were from our area's private high school.

So, wish me luck. The ice cream better be good, that's all I'm saying.

See?

Rawr.

You can't tell too much from the picture, but I'm all smiles today. :]

I wish I could, but for right now my chances have worn out...

What Sleep [and Currently Lack Thereof] Can Do For You

"Today, my sister told my mom about a good book she was reading. She was saying that it was about a girl who got around and lies to her parents all the time. She then decided to show the book to my mother. It was my diary. FML" 5-16-10 I'm sorry, but that serves her right for doing that.

I got up to take some Advil, and what do you know?- some thing on the sink was leaking water all over the counters. It was actually kind of entertaining- I'm not sure why.

I just finished watching America's Funniest Home Videos, and, for some reason, a majority of it wasn't funny at all. It just feels like all of my joy was sucked out of my body today, and I'm futily searching for it to come back.

But, there's this saying my Mom always tells me, and it's always worked up to this point. "Everything will be better by tomorrow morning." And, truthfully, every morning after being stressed out humongously I'll wake up and actually feel a better, even if it's just in the beginning of the morning. It's kind of nice- the mood that sleep can put you in.

The saddest part is that the happiest part of my day sometimes is when I'm unconscious, and my mind's drifting off into my subconscious thoughts. Just asleep- dreaming happily.

Right now, all I can think about is the field of daffodils from Wordsworth's "I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud." That's kind of how I feel right now- like I feel alone and depressed, but when I close my eyes I think of one recurring thing, and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.

Anyways, that's my "late-night" musings for tonight.

Make a wish! Where I live, it's 11:11.

[All I wished for is <3.]

11:12. Darn. Sorry.

Another "Last" Day

I don't see what all the hullabaloo [I almost spelled it right the first time] was about. Whoo. It's the last day of school. Of my "blessed" [not really.] sophomore year.

All it's doing is setting me up for another boring summer [most of it being without my best friend], and then a [probably] partially miserable school year, being again without my best friend.

I need to learn to make friends with people. Even more with the people that I call my "closest friends." For some reason, it's hard for me. Maybe, so deep down that I can't even comprehend why it exists, it's that honestly I can't connect with people because the average high school student is too extremely shallow-minded for me. They judge people solely by their appearances.

How is that fair, to try to be friends with people like that when they will only bring me/others down and make me/others feel worse about myself/themselves?

And, just saying, I put this proudly on here because I actually don't judge people solely by their looks. It's not fair to them, and I'm 100 percent aware of what kind of person and personality you can miss out on when you do that [I think that might be also why I don't have too many friends- just because I may not be "beautiful" enough, or wear those major clothes brands all the time].

Yet, it really makes me happy to know that I can write away on this, and not feel "ugly" or low in self-esteem. It's beautiful, to know that people can peer inside of my mind through this and judge me how people should. I wish people at my school saw this [even though it might be a bit bad sometimes, depending on what I'm talking about]- maybe they'd think differently. More positively.

I know there are better people out there. Some I've already met, and they honestly are the greatest people in my life. But my quest is to find more, and to keep these amazing people in my life as long as they can be.

Sorry, I'm just feeling a bit down today. I guess that's what you get when you listen to too many love songs, and you don't have somebody to share them with.

That's the one thing I think I can and can't wait for. Love. The one part of life I would love to fall into, but also I don't want it to come that soon, to where I get sucked into it and stay in that part of my life forever, starting at 15. That'd be not awesome.

Too many kids at my school are being sucked into relationships that just completely overshadow everything else in their lives. I don't think it's healthy, to be that attached to somebody at such a young age.

But, then again, what would I know about love? Only its painful sting, not its long-lasting bliss.

I'll fall into a better mood, soon enough. I hope you all have a great summer, though. :]

We're All the Same- Artist vs. Poet