"We have to ask ourselves: what would UltraLord do?" :]

Sheen. If any of you have ever seen Jimmy Neutron, apparently, they are making a new show, starring Sheen. The awesome weird dude [besides Carl. Carl was awesome, too- and he inspired my love for weird animals that don't get as much attention as they deserve. Like baby goats. They rock.] As much as I was in love with Jimmy [who has a seemingly-odd resemblance to a guy I know- hrm...], bringing back that part of my life makes me smile wildly.
*On a seperate note, I got that thing out of my throat, for the most part. In case you cared or not haha. :]

I left my iPod at home today [on accident, of course]. In the beginning, I thought my day was doomed to suck- terribly. But, to tell you the truth, I'd like more days like today. Any day that you laugh until it hurts to breathe is a good day. Any day that makes you feel like you belong, and that you feel perfect with yourself, no matter what, is a good day. Even my OH GOD moment today was pretty conquerable, as awkward as it felt. So, I guess the point of it all is that going a little bit out of your comfort zone isn't the end of the world. The Earth won't crack in two and swallow you whole. Just try it, and have hope always.

YetIstillcamehometomyiPodwithbliss,
Macky :]

Gosh Darn It- It's Only Thursday!

I made that face half of the day today. Nah, in reality, Woody's.

HappysadHappysad.

That's basically been my week- an odd sense from overall good, to overall bad, to overall good. Over and over and over again. Right now, I'm just stuck in the middle.

I used to think that things had to have a proper order- that there was a proper way of life. Things had to go a certain way, or they wouldn't go at all. If I've learned anything lately, that's certainly not the case in life, especially in the very little I've lived of it. Out of the thousands of years that people have been around, some things just go certain ways, and we'll never know why. Especially in my sixteen years out of life, I seriously haven't lived enough.

I don't know, I just find that whole idea interesting. Humanity and all is kind of awesome.

Ugh, it's like every time I think of something to put on here, it disappears deep somewhere in the catacombs of my brain. That's why any posts of recent time will be/are so weirdly put-together- I apologize for all that may confuse you.

I do have a sad announcement to make, though. I won't be posting for about a week, give or take [mostly because the only computer in my reach will be about a mile away]. I will be in what I like to call my home-town, just because I could describe to you every street of it, every shop and every cranny. I'll also be going to New Harmony, Indiana [hopefully].

We went there last time, and it was just the most beautiful place I'd seen. It was raining softly, and the entire surroundings were serene. That, and Set Free by Katie Gray just set everything to perfection for me. PERFECTION.

This time, I'm hoping to explore it.

Oh, and I have some weird thing stuck in the back of my throat. Cool, huh?

Coolerisitbackwardswrite,
Macky :]

Sunlit Drives & Lullabies

Darn that bent pole, and my stupid phone that has no photographical value whatsoever, but hey, I like it. I actually took this picture, too, so it's special. :]

In a reminscing kind of mood [here comes the wave of emotion...]

We all kind of have our own "security blankets," in a way. Even as we get older, they grow with us. Like I swear that is a hat on top of my head. I just got it yesterday, and have worn it since- it has ears like a werewolf/bunny creature. :D

My parents always tell me a story of my past, when I was just a child in diapers and "bird" hair, that I would wear my Mickey Mouse hat [the ones with the ears] ALL. THE. TIME. Even after it broke, I still would wear it. And, for some reason, that story [and the memories I don't remember] always makes me smile.

Even today, it's ironic, how I grew up hearing lullabies every night from my Mom [she'd sing Chim-Chimeney, or however you spell it, from Mary Poppins], yet every night I fall asleep to my earphones blaring sweet love songs into my ears.

Thepastisbeautiful,
Macky :]

I think you should definitely download this. Onto your iPod. And listen to it. Every morning. Of every day. Because you are amazing. And I'm pretty sure you like your stuff. And you can do anything good, better, than anyone.

Macky :D

Storms & Creeper Vans

Take care of yourself. Someone, somewhere, cares about you.

Well, that certainly almost turned for the worst.

I love the feeling of being outside in between storms on a late summer night. You can wear just about anything and be comfortable in the cool, windy air. The clouds over you make everything seem darker, and even in the dark, you shine bright. It's a powerful moment, leaving you feeling a little more powerful. I, personally, was dancing in the face of as one with nature. Eventually, with no warning, I became more aware of my surroundings. Everything suddenly seemed darker and more menacing.

What changed it all for me? A creeper van, casually cruising up and down through my subdivision.

Creeper vans are the single most scary things to me. I am absolutely utterly terrified of them, so, so much. Really, it's the fear of someone else having complete control of my life, including what I do, and whether I live or die.

This isn't my first time encountering them, either. Last year, there was a scare going through our area about a driver of some truck trying to pick up kids. Anytime that kind of truck came around AT ALL, people would call it in and freak out. It didn't scare me- the idea was still a myth.

Yet, sometime last year, I was close to being picked up myself. It was a Friday night, much like tonight, I believe. I was walking my dog, when a white beat-up [creeper] van was driving by. I felt a slight fear of it, but didn't think too much of it. This was long after that incident occured. I saw the men as they drove by- two older men [not "gentle"men at all], with dirtied "country" clothing, and scraggly beards. Eventually, they stopped about three houses up the street, and just sat there for awhile. They started to turn around, and I was so terrified I couldn't move. Eventually, Dirk came outside, to my surprise, and the van sped off soon after that. He saved my life that night.

Ever since then, I can't get rid of that sheer terror. My dog didn't even get to poop tonight- I had to pull him inside. When you can't feel safe right outside of your own home at 8:00 p.m., it's a sad, sad place.

After I came in, I sat out and waited and waited, trying to see if they . Me with my lack of patience, didn't waste that much time. "Please don't take anyone away," I whispered into the empty garage [behind the locked side door], and went inside.

I really hope you feel safe tonight.

Atleastmydogcanpoopinmybrother'sroom,
Macky.

*p.s. CALL ME ISHMAEL! :D
[If you can tell me who said that line somewhere, on something, you will get a fantastic (not really, but it might be pretty awesome- I haven't decided it yet) surprise!]

"Take a chance- Columbus did."

This quote makes me smile everytime I think of it. I've already devoted one post to taking chances, but I just thought I'd bring it up again, when one of my professors said the above quote a couple of days ago. Everytime I hear her say anything profound, I scribble it down in my notebook, just because I think it's beautiful, and want to save it to share. Just about everyone in our class hates her, but, personally, I find her enlightening. She basically bashes everyone else for their denominations of religion [I don't have a denomination], their town [I didn't grow up here], and their political views [sometimes it comes up].

Then again, I've never really decided that I hated a teacher before [I almost did once, but I found out why she did the things she did, and I respected her more for it, so it was fantastic].

-------------------------------------------------------

Today was, umm, interesting, I guess. There aren't too many "boring" days, if you have a certain group of friends, or a problem ticking your time away, or you're on a quest through life. Personally, I did/do all three on a regular basis, so it's a pretty sick rollercoaster ride [in my point of view, at least].

The most interesting part of my day was watching a fly [the other day it was playing with trash]. Crazy, huh?

It's kind of funny, how people like to take advantage of Life, yet how they complain when It kicks them when they're down. It's also funny, how It can be really hard one moment, and just when they expect things to get worse, it's like everything hard had dissaperated from the world.

I feel extremely lucky today, but worn-out. I put my hard work into one thing, while everyone else put it into another, and guess who came out on top? Moi. :] Poor people..

I feel extremely happy today, but my face is becoming more tired by the passing second. Like the kind of happy where sunshine and rainbows are shooting out my butt while I'm stuffing my face with sweets, but all I can think of is finding more sweets and shooting out more sunshine [UNTIL I throw them all the sweets up, and the sunshine gives me a sunburn :P].

Anyways, things seem extremely adorable and drowsy and simile/metaphor-packed today. It's kind of weird, how it seems that being happy isn't the 'cool' thing to do anymore. I never really was the 'coolest kid,' so I guess it'll be fine. I'll [possibly] be posting more tonight, but they probably won't have any real weight: just a shallow sense of happiness that even though this week has been heck, it's all over now.

I want to hear breathe see smell feel read touch EXPERIENCE beautiful things.

Sohopefulforlittlereason,
Macky :]

P.S. Est-ce que tu m'aimes? ;D

Putting Off Procrastination For Later

Ohh man, this song. I have this strong vision, where I'm singing this song in the courtyard of my grandma's town. "Christmas" lights are tangled in the trees surrounding the small area, mingling with the fireflies, and it'd just be a group of kids, fists in the air. The crowd carries the energy through the autumn air, and the noise makes the older shopkeepers closing up down the street grumble and think their bitter thoughts about the youth of today. Me, I'd be in the middle of a flock of strangers, screaming my heart out like it would be last time I would ever be heard. For some reason, I find no fear in it at all.

Secret: When I walk through the halls of school, I can't breathe. I just forget how to breathe as I pass people, as they glance over at me. I feel like a deer in the headlights, navigating the hallways without a pack. It's frightening, but, at the same time, enlightening. It's the memories I still cling to that keep me on that lone path, and it makes me feel different. Alone. Myself.

I have a weird love of eyes, I've never known why. I've always picked out one guy to have the most beautiful eyes, but he has a contender now [even though all he will ever be is a face in the hallway, I'm sure]. It makes me extremely happy, to know that there's always better out there somewhere. :]

Ugh, I don't remember what else I wanted to blog about today. I'm supposed to do a whole project tonight for Fahrenheit 451 [I'm setting up a whole big list of quotes I want to share eventually, but it just grows longer just about every day], yet here I am, typing away.

Lately things have been stressing me out to oblivion, yet I'm just kind of pushing them off so I can panic more later.

Canyougetsenioritisasajunior?,
Macky :]

Wow. Just Wow.

"I burst into tears but whether that was partly because I was bleeding like a harpooned whale with cramps that could kill a rhino, I'll never know.." [Video Store Girl- Chrisi] (Inkpop)


Umm, maybe it's just because I'm on my period [yay! not. -__-], but I'm extremely angry, and desire to punch things. Or people, specifically.. in the face.
She lied, I'm pretty sure. She just wanted to play a cruel game of Matchmaker, and see how it'd go in the perfect little world of hers. And I lost.

But, yes, I'm extremely outraged at that lie, and something else, on here- a misinterpretation. I know I shouldn't be angry at them, but really at myself, but that's hard to explain to myself in my stubborn-ness. I have more to write, but now's not the time to say it. Talking about it, and continuing my last post, is futile, because arranging ALL of what I want to say is so hard in my emotional state.

Therefore, I'm giving it all up and taking a little break for a while [maybe tomorrow, maybe not- depends on if it's better than today], or at least until I get my head screwed back on.

I apologize to a majority of you, being innocent and adorable as you are. I could not have better followers, truly. :] Just don't bash on people until you give them a chance to say something back. And, trust me, do expect something back.

IfitisfoodforthoughtIamSTARVING,
Macky :/

Hearts on the Line

I got back from Nashville last night. My feet are seriously blackened with dirt, and my legs ache. I'm also currently suffering from an overdose of anxiety that hasn't worn off from last night. That's why I'm currently blogging, instead of reading up about the thirteen original colonies, or the Salem Witch Trials. I can't concentrate- I have to get this out, no matter how long it takes to type or say.

A whole new world's been opened up to me. I expected so many things of people- I thought I knew who they were, and what their intentions were. Why they did what they did, and so on. I was more wrong than I ever could have imagined. We all keep the battles we fight to ourselves, I guess.

There was a lot of drama over the trip I'd just like to appreciate forgetting sometime soon.

I'm an awesome ultimate frisbee player, apparently. At least at catching, and running. My blistered and blackened feet speak for themselves. I can't wait until we go back to Vanderbilt University sometime this year & play there. :]

There was also a lot of crying, yet it seemed everyone had a different reason.

I gained a new friendship, and rekindled one, this time around.

Finally, I came back feeling refreshed, but at the same time completely conflicted. There are three hearts on the line: his, his, and mine.

You already know him, and how I feel about him. If he were to leave my life for good, I'd fall apart. It's an undescribable love that's completely has taken over my life as the time since our last meeting grows. Yet I'm 99.9 percent sure that we will never, ever, amount to anything more than friends [because sometimes, that's all people are meant to be; I'm not the type of girl he wants out life; Maybe that will change, maybe it won't- we'll just have to see]. All I know is that this confusion has gone on for months, and has completely taken over everthing.

New complication: him. Him & him, I've now noticed, are somewhat similar. They are both like my best friends, just in different ways. We're connected in different ways. They like different things, but overall they feel the same to me. Yet, they both treat me differently. One treats me like a best friend, the other, I don't even know. It's hard to describe- more respectful, I guess.

At Cracker Barrel, there was an older gentlemen relaxing in a seat next to us, holes in his shoes, shirt, and pants. I hadn't noticed- I was too caught up in a joke everyone in our group was laughing about. The man soon left, and got into his literally rusted-car, with a disabled sign hanging in the window and a dog in the front seat. He walked over before he drove off, gave the man some money, and talked for awhile.

All I've ever wanted was a kind, warm soul, that cared about humanity, and that was one if I ever did see one.

It was beautiful kind admirable& intimate. Another girl asked him to marry her. It was seriously the most touching thing I'd seen someone do for someone else in a long time. Even just reminiscing on it now fills my heart with hope.

Later on the way home, we sat and listened to music for five hours [love songs, really, which made it even weirder- you'll see why next], while me and one of my friends had a conversation via texting.

She said that he'd said [or she thought] that he was 'in love' with me. You know how many times I've heard that phrase? Once, and it wasn't even meant literally. I couldn't believe her. He was texting another girl at the same time- how could that be true?

I'm really afraid of it all. Ever since my 'first' boyfriend, I've shrugged love off. But now that it's coming up, it's frightening to think of being hurt again. I'm afraid of feeling too much, just because other people told me to.

I'm afraid of falling into relationships just because other people make it happen. I want someone to like me, and even though I'll never be able to, to ask me to do something [what do people do, even, nowadays?], just because they like me. [She even tried to halfway get us to go to the dance together.]

I'm afraid of losing them both as friends, because if the rest of my high school career goes kind of like this, I need them both to get through just greatly.

I don't know what I'm going to do. So, while I keep myself up tonight, and can't concentrate while I'm getting love visions of both of them, I hope you all are happy with life.

Ahhthewoesofteenage'love',
Macky.

i feel like AOGEINDFOIGNUINAGODEDANG.

saythatfourtimesfast.

Smile, happy looks good on you. (:

There's nothing I miss more than walking in the park with my best friend, as the leaves fell out of the tall oak trees onto the broken rubble path. It would be early in the evening, as the sun was still in place along the horizon, but made the leaves even more golden than they seemed before. What we talked about means so little now [although I'm pretty sure it was anything & everything], yet the experience was our connection. And our connection was the purest that had ever existed [at least to me].

Sorry, I am in a lazy, reminiscing mood.

A beautiful day, a beautiful new shade of perspective. I felt, well, like a real person today. Happy with my achievements [in the fact that I ROCKED at academic team. I know- how cool am I?]. Happy in my place. Overall, just happy.

I have some new theories on the 'beauty' of beauty and 2012. It's severely complicated, so hopefully I'll get my ideas all sorted out [I'm a semi-organizational person with my thoughts in my head, so I must get a better feel of these ideas [or at least another blog post] until I implement it here]. I really want to share it, but sadly I won't be finding time for a little while [with my studying for SEVERAL things, and my competition this weekend in Tennessee].

In this 'new' way of beauty, though, you definitely are a beautiful human being. Please remember that.

Justthoughtyouwouldliketoknow,
Macky :]

PS.

Naive

Bwhahaha! He looks FOR REAL like him.

Can I admit something to you all, even if you may not find yourself in 'admiration' of me, at all? I actually have no clue where I was or what I was doing on the eleventh of September that fateful year, when I heard news of the plane crash. In fact, everytime I hear that question, I make up a lie, and say I do, just because people make such a big deal of it.

I lived in Illinois at the time, in a small rural town with maybe one thousand inhabitants [or less]. I was in second grade at that time, & was not afraid of anything. Not even the bullies that teased me scared me. I never wept [except the one time I thought I'd been hit in the nose, and had an orange nosebleed], and nothing was impossible for me. I was naive- everything revolved around me and my life, and nothing else.

So, it's [not actually] safe to say that I cannot recall it. At all. Yet, as I've grown older [and become oh-so-less fragile and naive], I've grown to realize the importance of today. We take this day to reflect, remember, and realize the lives that were lost and affected by that tragic day. To say the least, even though I can't remember the day, I still take the time to reflect on it all. Please, even if you are Chinese, English, Irish, Dutch, Turkish, ANYTHING- take today to remember the lives that were lost in a disaster of your country today.

In happier news, I washed a clown's car today. It was a MiniCooper. I expected four to pop out, but instead two appeared. Irony? I think so.

I also found out that another girl picked out the same dress as me for homecoming. :[ When I first saw, all I could think of was NONONONONONOO!! Yes, I'm an overreactive teenager. No, I don't have a date, so really whether I go or not doesn't matter. I'm not sure if I can even go or not, having a competition two-point-five hours away that same day. But still, a [wallflower] girl can dream. :] So, along with normal comments, do you think that the other girl would be mad if I wore the same dress as her [even though she "announced" she was getting it first, but I'd already decided I wanted that one before that]?

Oh, and listen to this song: 32 Ways to Make You Smile by A Backseat Goodbye. It makes me want to dance with a guy like we were an old couple, relishing in the love-enriched moment.

Lotsoflove,
Macky :]

One Step Further

This has very little relation to the post, I just thought it was adorkable.

" 'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you- all I know is that I should..."

Secret #2230534: Truthfully, I've never missed anyone, in the history of my entire life, more than I miss you.

Okay, so my week has been just plain-old down-in-the-dumps. I apologize for not owing up to my normal  blogging consistency. Today has been the one day that was a diamond in the rough, so to speak, though. :]

The 'potential wallflower' I discussed earlier on was not, in fact, a wallflower. Or maybe he is, just not one just like myself. It's alright- it's just fine. There are six billion people out there- I'm sure to find one somewhere, someday in my [hopefully-long] life.

It's odd, how perspectives change as we all step into the different parts of life. Like how you can see someone seem to grow and change from the past, into a new them. It kind of just hits you, how much things have changed. I got hit with it all yesterday, looking straight into faces. Not eyes, but faces. You can see so much, just from looking someone straight in the face [maybe that's why I always hide mine?].

I look back, and am just shocked out how much I've grown in just two years- heck, this summer. Look where I've gotten in life- maybe not that far, in other peoples' opinions, but I'm more me than I've ever been. I keep trying to be more happy with who I am, also, but lately with my "depression" [or maybe it's just my PMS coming on haha :P], it's not been going so well.

I'm really tired of people taking me for things I'm not, when really they don't know who I am at all. Few people do truly know me, but I'm honestly okay with that. I like taking pride in the fact that the people who really care about me know [even though some of the people I care about don't really know me, at all]. Take a walk in my shoes for a day, and maybe you will understand.

I have something really important to say: I saw two people walking down the hall after school today, hand in hand. I looked away, but not for the reasons you thought. If you two ever see this, please know I didn't look away because I felt 'awkward,' or anything of the sort. I thought you two were beautiful together; Your love and commitment- even against the sometimes-harsh world- was just too strong for me to handle right now, with me facing my own battles of "love" of sorts. The same as when the main talk in one of my classes was a crush [which I didn't chance to hear anything much about at all], and I just wanted to leave that class and all the people in it as soon as the bell rang. I just couldn't take your courage to reveal your emotions, when in reality that's my biggest weakness.

So, because of this, I posted this blog on my Facebook profile. I know, this is lame to say, but that's kind of a step for me, I guess [?]. It's a step towards self-appreciation.. love.. et cetera. :]

I've also grown greedy lately, yet it feels like I NEED everything. I dislike being the whiny teenager sometimes, but sometimes our lives call for it, I guess.

^Myfuturebag[hopefully].^

^This is subject to change, and I'm not even sure if I can go to Homecoming, but I REALLY want to wear this.♥^

Add new [warm] clothes [because our high school is as cold and unwelcoming as a Renaissance-age dungeon], a camera [even though I can't possibly afford an awesome one with my financial debt for FRANCE! :D], iTunes [because my body is currently music-deficient and dying from it], cookies [because who DOESN'T love cookies?], and other random things I want, and that's the objects of my greed.

Yet one thing I'm not greedy about is this blog. 22 followers! :D Shout out to all of y'all- you rock. I'm very thankful for all of you.

Ihavelistenedtothissongtwentytimessincewritingthis,
Macky :]

Wallfloweronthecornerofthestreet[+Buttouch]

Sorry for the 'post spam' these last couple of days, but I'm playing a bit of catch-up with my posts.

Yesterday was a funny day, to say the least. You probably have seen those people that are out on the corners of the street, right? No, not prostitutes. I'm talking about the people with the signs, that wave them around maniacally, usually advertising something. They dance and jump and scream, trying to get people to go somewhere, or do something.

Yes. I was one of those people. Twice.

It's an odd job for a lone person. See, we are all doing car washes to save money up for FRANCE 20-11. :D There were about twenty kids there, so we all took turns between holding the signs and washing the cars. I went down with another girl, who is much more outgoing than I. She was jumping and dancing around, screaming "CAR WASH!" like a person would scream "I love you." Me: just standing there with a sign.

Yesterday was a different story. Onl four kids going on the trip bothered to show up, and they split us in two and two. I was picked to be a "sign-holder" with one other person, and they had us stand on the two opposite sides. I was alone. With a sign. On the edge of a busy intersection. For three hours. Facing the world alone with a sole request.

It was boring interesting inspiring depressing unique. For one thing, when you sit there asking for one thing and being denied everything for three hours, its a downright depressing time.

Secondly, it's hilarious. The best part of my day was when I got passed up by a nun. Like a full-on nun, with the hat and everything. She smiled, at least. I love nuns. :]

Thirdly, it's, um, embarrassing. Awkward. Out-of-place. People stare, honk, look away, smile, wave, everything. Me, being the shy little kid I am, could not handle being looked at from hundreds of people that day, with my shorts on, and it being freezing. That's what cheap imitation Ray-Bans are for- for hiding behind. :] That, and I saw HIM [the now-creepy one]. So, to say the least, I feel different because of it [philosophically, of course], but I wouldn't have chosen it for myself.

Oh, and today, I got bit up the butt by my dog. Pretty sure I can't have children.

Noquestionsplease,
Macky :]

Feeling Small [A Morning Post]

  

In the face of the universe, you are small. The open vastness of endless space is hard to picture, in comparison to my five feet, one-point-five inches height.

Don't estrange it: embrace it.

You are only as small as you make yourself to be.

You are only as small as the world will make you seem.

 I have a slight, tired smile that's trying to expand across my face, but there's no room or energy to force it in these early hours of the day.  A plaid top + boxer shorts [with penguins on them] + striped kneehigh socks= my typical morning outfit. Think of it what you will, it's comfortable.

I'm not usually a morning person, but anytime around 9.. 10.. 11.. o'clock my brain turns on, and I feel awesome. I used to consider myself a night person, but with need for more sleep, and being nocturnal not being an option, I'm beginning to love the sunrise/mid-morning hours the most.

I'm currently procrastinating on my PILES of homework, and looking up a new hair style. I miss my medium-ish hair. So many things to do, so little time.

This post has seriously taken me three days and, of today- three hours, to post. How, I'm not sure. But it has.

ILoveYourExistence,

Macky:]

I seriously can not stop giggling at this, so I felt like sharing it with you.

Love,

Macky :]

*I WROTE THIS YESTERDAY, SO OBVIOUSLY IT'S A BIT "OUTDATED" IN TERMS OF SEVERAL THINGS, BUT MY EMOTIONS OVERALL ARE THE SAME.

Today reminds me of those summer nights we all miss so much right now [well, the ones who have to go to bed early for school, at least]. The wind is blowing a bit, the sun is shining bright, and soon it will be crashing to the Earth, as it spews out rays of brilliant colors across the sky.

We [me and a specific 'you'] used to spend these nights sitting under the canopy, you lying on the couch and me lounging in the chair. Or out on one of our driveways, laying and looking up at the stars. We'd talk about anything and everything- the universe seemed an open book, at peace. Those were the truly the days.

I'm in one of those moods where I really wish I could snap to songs, but, sadly, I don't know how to snap. :P

It's like this: I really wanna talk to [another, different, specific] you, but my shyness is just as stifling as yours. That's sadly how it always goes for me, but it's a part of my life that I just can't change just yet. It's ironic, how similar we are, yet our similarities makes us separate.

I've been feeling specifically lonely [why do lonely and lovely look alike?] this week. With my plethera of homework and PSAT practice-testing, I haven't been updating [or reading (or commenting)] as much lately. Erg. I apologize, I guess.
That, and my morning routine is a lonely path. When I walk alone through the halls, everyone stares at me like I don't belong. The truth is, I honestly do belong- I just can't push myself into the crowd and become one with the groups of people. The part of me that belonged in this school is a thing of the past, and I miss it so. My silent loneliness bears the memory so well, yet I feel stronger, because I still continue to exist, even if invisible, after the greatest times.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Off-topic remark: My backpack is killing me. Seriously. I need to work out the twigs I call arms, because they seriously hurt from carrying so much. So much that my friends make fun of me by saying different things about it. Oh, you could carry a dead body in there. That weighs as much as you do! AND SO ON.

Dirk ['my best fran'] comes back tonight. Not that I'll see him tonight, because we're both tired as those cute little animals sleeping in those pictures, but still: he's bah-ack. :]

*To tell you the truth, I did see him. That's why this wasn't published yesterday, because I was outside 'til early in the morning. We sat under our canopy and talked about our lives, just like the old days.

Imissedhimsomuch,
Macky :]

P.S. Listen to THIS. This awesome blogger who goes by Kay [personally one of my favorite top-notch awesome bloggers on here] picked it out for me, and it's an absolutely fantastic song. :]