Friday, September 10, 2010

One Step Further

This has very little relation to the post, I just thought it was adorkable.

" 'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you- all I know is that I should..."

Secret #2230534: Truthfully, I've never missed anyone, in the history of my entire life, more than I miss you.

Okay, so my week has been just plain-old down-in-the-dumps. I apologize for not owing up to my normal  blogging consistency. Today has been the one day that was a diamond in the rough, so to speak, though. :]

The 'potential wallflower' I discussed earlier on was not, in fact, a wallflower. Or maybe he is, just not one just like myself. It's alright- it's just fine. There are six billion people out there- I'm sure to find one somewhere, someday in my [hopefully-long] life.

It's odd, how perspectives change as we all step into the different parts of life. Like how you can see someone seem to grow and change from the past, into a new them. It kind of just hits you, how much things have changed. I got hit with it all yesterday, looking straight into faces. Not eyes, but faces. You can see so much, just from looking someone straight in the face [maybe that's why I always hide mine?].

I look back, and am just shocked out how much I've grown in just two years- heck, this summer. Look where I've gotten in life- maybe not that far, in other peoples' opinions, but I'm more me than I've ever been. I keep trying to be more happy with who I am, also, but lately with my "depression" [or maybe it's just my PMS coming on haha :P], it's not been going so well.

I'm really tired of people taking me for things I'm not, when really they don't know who I am at all. Few people do truly know me, but I'm honestly okay with that. I like taking pride in the fact that the people who really care about me know [even though some of the people I care about don't really know me, at all]. Take a walk in my shoes for a day, and maybe you will understand.

I have something really important to say: I saw two people walking down the hall after school today, hand in hand. I looked away, but not for the reasons you thought. If you two ever see this, please know I didn't look away because I felt 'awkward,' or anything of the sort. I thought you two were beautiful together; Your love and commitment- even against the sometimes-harsh world- was just too strong for me to handle right now, with me facing my own battles of "love" of sorts. The same as when the main talk in one of my classes was a crush [which I didn't chance to hear anything much about at all], and I just wanted to leave that class and all the people in it as soon as the bell rang. I just couldn't take your courage to reveal your emotions, when in reality that's my biggest weakness.

So, because of this, I posted this blog on my Facebook profile. I know, this is lame to say, but that's kind of a step for me, I guess [?]. It's a step towards self-appreciation.. love.. et cetera. :]

I've also grown greedy lately, yet it feels like I NEED everything. I dislike being the whiny teenager sometimes, but sometimes our lives call for it, I guess.

^This is subject to change, and I'm not even sure if I can go to Homecoming, but I REALLY want to wear this.♥^
Add new [warm] clothes [because our high school is as cold and unwelcoming as a Renaissance-age dungeon], a camera [even though I can't possibly afford an awesome one with my financial debt for FRANCE! :D], iTunes [because my body is currently music-deficient and dying from it], cookies [because who DOESN'T love cookies?], and other random things I want, and that's the objects of my greed.

Yet one thing I'm not greedy about is this blog. 22 followers! :D Shout out to all of y'all- you rock. I'm very thankful for all of you.

Macky :]

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