One thing I've learned today: don't, ever, ever, EVER have a conversation with your (sometimes also moody) best male friend when you are on IT (If you're a girl, you know what I'm talking about). It doesn't turn out well.

Strange Magic

When I was little, I used to believe in magic. It was undoubtably real, even if I couldn't reach out and hold it- like true love, or the monsters that crept in the deepest crevices of my room at night.

As most of us grew older [unless you got a letter to Hogwarts, or seen magic that you can't buy in a kit for ten bucks at WalMart], that belief flickered out like a light as we continued our journey through life with more darkness [or "less brightness"- whatever you prefer].

Yet, thanks to my inner twelve year-old, I still look out for magic. You can tell when something's truly magical- something surfs through your entire body, making you tingle all over.

I myself have felt magic- I know it was.

Two years ago, I was singing a song: Jessie's Girl. It's classic. Check it out. Anyways, I was singing it one morning while I was drying my hair. My problem was that I was singing it wrong. The real lyrics are 'I wish that I had Jesse's girl'; I was singing 'I wish that I was Jesse's girl'. As soon as I had sung that line, I felt a ping. A ping that ran through my body like no other.

Is that weird to say? I connect sounds to how they feel to me. Like they vibrate through my body. It's weird. Sorry for saying anything that might make you think I'm even quirkier than what I am.

Anyways, I felt like I had done something wrong automatically. I thought to myself: no no no no no. See, there's this kid named Jesse that was in my sixth period class. Nothing wrong with him- he was a good kid and all- I just didn't like him like that. Literally like the next week, he asked me to our school's winter formal. 

How does that happen, in a million, bazillion years?

Right you are: magic.

There's another "magical" experience I had, but I can't think of it now. That's kind of my excuse for everything- I want it to be magical. That's why I haven't had a first kiss- waiting for it to be magical. Waiting for that hopeful 'ping'.

So, it goes to show that magic, and love, and all those untouchable, real things.

This song sounds magical. And either anything with a piano & a teenage boy, or a guitar and a young girl/boy.

Summer reading is a pain in the butt. Because, well, it's supposed to be done now. In the summer. When we're supposed to be on break.

Besides that, I'm in a really loving mood. Like I-adore-anything-and-everything-that-I-come-in-contact-with kind of mood. I really missed my best friend, I guess. :D I gave him that monkey, shown above. It's seriously a-dorkable.

Anyways, just felt like writing something, even if it is sort of a "selfish" post.

Honestly? ;]

This is Abraham Lincoln. My favorite president.

Courtesy of Kay, is the Honesty Award!


Naturally, I'd include Kay in here. And she tagged Carly, another one of my favorite bloggers on the scene. I'll "officially" tag, though, all these other great bloggers that make me smile:


~ Jillian from Paper Tigers [I just like the way you write. Tone-wise, it's really awesome.]
~ Dawson from little box of secrets♥ [Everything you write is way cute.]
~ Eleanor from Musings of an Undiscovered Genius [Your writing is also very awesome.]
~ Kayla from kayla hadlington [I followed you because I see your Lookbooks all the time, and your clothes are awesome. Your hair's lovely, too.]
~ Hippie Grandma [Sorry, I don't know your name?] from various last thoughts of the last living unicorn [Your writing is delightful.]

I just have to answer some questions. Honestly. You know, it makes sense, for the 'Honesty Award' and all.


Share one thing that nobody knows about you.
No one? On the face of the earth? I've always thought there was something physically wrong with me. I just don't see it, and it makes me painfully shy. I've noticed that more guys look at me twice nowadays, though. It's kind of nice, to think I might have a chance. :]


What is your biggest regret in life?
I wish I would have been more outgoing, but being "un-outgoing" also saved me from getting into trouble with my mouth. It's not fair to regret things in your life, because regrets are always too late.


What would you do with a thousand dollars?
Save it. It could buy me something someday worth way more than a thousand dollars: security.
Haha. Just kidding. I'd save some of it- right now, I'd put it towards FRANCE. :D


If you could go back in time, would you still pick the person you are with right now?
If you mean my imaginary boyfriend, no. ;]


What do you like or dislike about my (the taggers) blog page?
You can't "dislike" anything on Kay's page. It just isn't right haha. I like how she combines basically everything artistically lovely- pictures, writing, AND music- to make a one-of-a-kind interesting all-the-time blog. :D


Good luck, fantastic bloggers. Keep being honest, and doing what you do best. :]

laser tagging. CHECK.

I keep on hearing/thinking your name. No matter what I'm doing, or dreaming, or thinking about, your name keeps popping up in my head. It's pretty freaking annoying.

It's really odd- like my conscience is screaming at me your name. Over and over again. I'm not sure why- I'm trying to stay a little bit out of your life for awhile, so you can ease back into this "home" life better. Obviously, everything on the inside of me doesn't think the same, and is having a pretty hard time with it.

I'll see you soon, though. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but definitely, definitely, soon. :]

Dear *******

I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how I feel. We've only talked twice, but for some reason, I've liked you. I liked you, and then I wouldn't, and then I'd like you again, and then I wouldn't again. Back & forth, back & forth, for like two years. If you haven't noticed it, you are insanely oblivious.

Why it always come back to you?

One: You honestly have the most beautiful eyes [Is that okay to say about a boy? I'm not really sure- it's just true].

Two: You liked me when I was invisible to just about every other guy in the world, when I wasn't even comfortable in my own skin. When I look back and feel like I was at my worst.

It was awkward, but exciting. I'd look forward to all the petty ways [that were kind of weird sometimes] that made it seem like you really liked me. But, sadly enough, my shyness stifled me from doing anything about it. I couldn't even talk to you. The first time I tried didn't really work out.

You saw me hanging out with Dirk. He's my best friend, not my boyfriend. And then, you stopped trying. All those little things stopped, and I was crushed when I heard a[nother] rumor that you liked ****, the typical "dumb blonde" cheerleader. Hmmph.

Once again, my confidence broke. And that's when [and why, a bit] I went out with my first "real" boyfriend. Yeah, thanks so much [NOT].

Now, I'm way comfortable with myself. I'm more happy with who I am, and what I do, and see myself more positively. I'm still shy, but slowly working away from that. Dirk's gone now, and now I have to make "closer" friends. I still kind of like you, but understand you don't feel the same. That's alright, I guess. I'm the stupid girl who always has hope for everything still, and until something happens, hope's there for everything.

This is my favorite song. I found it when I started liking you. Here.

From,
That One Geeky Girl.

[MacKenzie]

Emily Dickinson & A Deep Love of Bacon

[Funny.. I couldn't find one "funny" picture of Emily Dickinson. So, here's a picture I found on cardboardlove.com & a part of one of her poems.]

"I Came to buy a smile today
But just a single smile
The smallest one upon your face
Will suit me just as well
The one that no one else would miss
It shone so very small..."

Lately, I've been living life like Emily Dickinson. You know the one- locked up in my house, basically only focused on writing and learning and et cetera. Two differences, though. One, I'm not depressed [well, every once in awhile, but not manicly depressed]. Or suicidal. I just temporarily haven't had a life. Two, I'm pretty sure she didn't eat junk food like it was going out of style. Thank goodness for my teenage/inherited metabolism. :]

Oh goodness, it's getting worse. The smell of bacon is entirely intoxicating right now- it's swallowed me whole. I would never be able to be a vegetarian, just because of how much I love bacon. Our dog is named Bacon, for Pete's sake.

So, secret #239,484: I don't necessarily like green vegetables, but I will put up with my Mum's homemade green beans just for the whole slices of bacon.

People are a bit PSYCHO these days.

Right now: You are SO much.
Too hard to ignore.
Too painful to talk to.

In three days' time:
You'll be home.
Be bored
Be sad.
Then I'll be sad.

By next week:
Back to normal?
Back to talking more than once a month?
I hope you hope so.

When school starts:
Will it all matter?
Will we "keep in touch" like we have this time?


God, please let things go back to the way they used to be.

Lovely Bones

Perfume
rose bloom
coats the tips of your fingers,
Drenched where your spirit thrives.
Your hands
Not like
your hefty heart
So dainty, shape and size.
The arms
Your scars
Like shining stars
They make you weak, not strong.
Shoulders
So wet
From people, upset,
Like that's where they belong.
Your face,
Oh, your face,
It doesn't matter.
Don't worry now,
The mirror won't shatter.
A lovely soul,
And lovely bones,
Them that way's best,
That's all that matters.

[ Tell me what you think, please. :D ]

Listen to THIS. Gorgeous, pure voice. People like this make me wish I could sing.

Polka-ing.

Ahhh. I feel so refreshed- like my mind went to a day spa or something.

I've traveled deeper into life through the medium of music these last couple of days, wading in all the experiences I'd missed out on before.

This is the most I've ever felt like I know who I am. The most I've ever felt like me: Macky.

You know why? I've finally gotten over my inferiority complex. Well, for now. It's absolutely glorious, to feel happy finally with who I am.

I've felt the roots under the soles of my shoes. They branch farther & deeper than any one person can remember.

Going to where you know you belong can do that to you, you know. I belong in Illinois, not here, four hours away. After this summer [and almost even now], there's nothing really anchoring me down to this place. Emotionally, at least. Monetarily, I'm stuck here until I graduate.

So now, on to what you've been waiting for: polka-ing. My grandparents apparently like to watch "Big Joe's Polka Show" every Saturday night. I discovered this while we were there. Fascinating, really- people from 20 years ago in normal clothes [for 20 years ago], just with now-ridiculous haircuts [several mullets] and suspenders. The most amusing part of it was listening to the people sing in different languages. I don't mean to sound mean, but ever since my friend did a project involving "Fahrt en de Zukunft" [something like that], I can't help but giggle at anything sounding like that.

I like tasteful accordion music, though- not going to lie.

Anybody wanna be my polka partner? :]

Love, Macky

Greetings.

Sorry I haven't been here in the blogosphere for awhile. Went on vacation with the family. It was good. I needed a vacation from vacation. :]
I spent most of my 4th of July 5,046 feet above sea level. On mountains.

It was kind of interesting. I ate breakfast, but for some reason I was like starving hours later. I mean, I've tried not eating before, but this time I was severely hungry. I mean, I have a good weight and all, but I eat like a pig. So, it wasn't the best time of my life. Then I found 5 dollars.

Sorry, not really. I decided I'm just going to add more exciting ends to my stories, to make them not seem pointless. :)

I hope you had a happy 4th of July [or happy Sunday- whatever floats your boat.]

Packing again. This time for Illinois. Damn, how I love that state. I've only been home one day and I'm already sick of it here. All that good ol' KY drama gets me everytime- I can't escape it. It'll only get worse for awhile, but then hopefully it'll get better.

I really need to write about some things I'm thinking about [involving my pre-blogging past and future], but they call for very long, lengthy posts. So, I'll save the rest for later.

I'll be back Sunday or Monday,
Macky