I've tried to make my thoughts wander away from the big decision on my plate, but I just can't stop thinking about it. I'm stuck in a decision I have no idea how to make, mostly because the communication between me and my heart is like BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
*sigh.* I guess what I'm really trying to figure out is whether I care what they think of me, OR, if I can't stop caring, can I last until the end of the school year without driving myself insane.
I wrote that earlier, and I decided I'm going to go through with it, I think. In the beginning, all I could focus on were the negatives, but after thinking about it a long time [too late to be on time- it's already started actually haha], I started really considering the positives and the circumstances that surrounded those negatives of the past, and I think under different circumstances things would have been better, and will be better this time around. My stubborn unrealistic hope has also taken its toll on my decision- stupid ignorant thing...
On another note, I did some new things today. Like wearing eyeliner. And attempting to halfway flirt with a guy [even though I'm pretty sure that didn't work out].
I also noticed some new things. After analyzing my entire high school life to make that decision, I've finally seen why I don't receive that much love- I don't show love enough. It's not that I don't like people; it just that I hold a lot of things in, and I guess my adoration of people is one of those things that I bottle up. I'm shy- sometimes it protects me from things, but sometimes it's my weakness. I also need to be more assertive, yet that comes along with showing love more.
A confession: I secretly have a little crush on everyone I come into contact with, at one point or another.So, it's safe to say I'll be making some changes to my life- just to make myself happier in life. It's a metamorphosis that's for the better.
I think 'll leave you with THIS SONG.
Something about acoustic versions of songs- I can't not love them. Impossible- tomfoolery- shenanigans.