a grand introduction

I have so many things to write. Some amazing unexplainable things have been happening in my life and happening so fast, but I am going to try to explain them without a doubt.

I am not still with that boyfriend I had through a large chunk of this blog's lifespan, but I am choosing not to feel guilt or remorse for any longer. I am content with my decision because I know that it is what God wanted for me and for my life and for that boy's life also, even if it does feel broken and sad and hollow when thought about for too long. We had a beautiful relationship and friendship, but it was unhealthy in a way I did not know how to fix, and I do not think it was meant to be fixed then, or possibly ever, that we would have to be reborn and fixed independently of one another with Christ first.

That being said, I feel like my falling apart and breaking of several ties brought me closer to God and finally to the right kind of love that for a long time I didn't feel as though I deserved, as though I could obtain, and as though I would ever have. It helped me understand the truth, and it helped enlighten me and move towards who I am and what I want to become in Christ. It excites me, really, thinking of my potential and seeing it lived out in some few but shining people in my life.

Anyways, also, in this short but amazing period of time, another guy has become pretty significant to my life (behind Jesus, of course). His name is Travis, and from what I understand God's been shoving us towards each other for a long time now. He honestly painted this masterpiece of a story of how he had fancied me for a long time and it was just recently in these past few weeks that he had gotten the courage and felt God's strength work in his heart to begin this friendship first, but now it is this beautiful relationship that feels good and pure and just like everything I had hoped a relationship would be (not without faults, but with an undeniable enthusiasm and base in Christ). I am so thankful to God for this journey so amazing in retrospect and so miraculous to have been nearly impossible at all other times but now. I will most likely write in some detail about this new love story and my even greater overarching love story, but these things will come in good time. Until then, I have many presentations and papers and tests that are to be done, but I shall be around here and there.

P.S. I cut my hair short again and have (accidentally) lost a few pounds. Things are definitely always, always looking up.

[MacKenzie]