when it rains, it pours

I have a very peculiar way of coping with things. See, today I am fasting and walking around campus, finding some small strange comfort in the few amount of people walking around too on a Saturday afternoon. I did something excruciating today- I ripped out some beautiful and ugly parts that were mangled in my heart (yet they still sit on my thoughts like birds on a wire, waiting, watching)- and I am untangling them on my own (or just with God). It's something I have not been in a really long time- on my own- but it is exactly what I need, I guess, I hope.

I may write more this week, I may not write at all. Currently I just feel a numbness that if I think about it too much at all it becomes painful and aching. I feel impulsive which scares me a lot, because if I know anything of my nature my impulses are nothing to trust. But I am thinking of cutting my hair. And 

I hope it rains this week. I hope it's cold, but not cold enough to dismay me from walking around campus, trying to see something in someone else that feels the same or knows. I hope I can find some peace and maybe even happiness in my friends, in sitting on that bench, in my taffy, and in the small amounts of smiles I find myself cracking, even today, on a particularly dark day.

love,

m