Saturday, October 12, 2013

tired mumblings

Hi there. Sorry to everyone that thinks I went off the deep end yesterday- I somewhat have, but it is all in the nature of good things happening for good reasons in my heart.

It was a terribly exhausting week, and I write this as my eyes are slowly fluttering open and closed. The car ride here, after being comically terrible, was peace. The sky did a very interesting thing before my eyes- as the sun was setting, it went from dark to light colors dancing towards the horizon, but after the sun fell, the darkness rested along the horizon and light sprung slightly up through the sky with a few stars peeking out at the top. Maybe it always does this, but I had been peeking around skyscrapers for so long I had forgotten.

When we arrived at my grandparent's small house, the sky was peace. It was a starry night that reminded me of the nights I used to spend with my fifth-grade crush playing basketball outside in the middle of February.

I have been feeling highly sentimental lately, swimming in old memories that have been transcending their years to reach me here now. It is bizarre and not uncomfortable, but rather the opposite. I like collecting these little moments and sewing them into a kind of quilt that I bear around myself to keep away the chill of emptiness and the occasional feeling of not knowing who I am. If anyone were genuinely interested in who I am, I would just let them have this quilt to look at and they would see a story alike to the Illustrated Man, to Paul, to the middle of a "choose-your-own-adventure" book. But just the quilt isn't enough, no- if I were genuinely interested in letting them see who I am, I would want to show them. I would want to show them all of the things, and where they come from, and why I chose them. I would show them the big hill while the sun is setting, and the town I feel so drawn to, and the little house I grew up in, and Corn Day with all of its corny traditions, and that freedom I feel when zip-lining, and I would show them Orion and the story of Thunder Cake and the big tire swing. And I just hope and pray that they would want to put these things on their quilts also.


1 comment:

Courtney Thomas said...

I love this. I've been feeling very similar. (: