Sunday, September 15, 2013

This is probably going to end up as just a collection of my thoughts these past few weeks since school has started. I am taking my first college-level English course this semester- it tests me and tries me, it truly does. Walt Whitman's poem "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry" has really been on my heart lately- I have spent my days wandering around campus hoping to form some of those same connections, trying to look people in the eyes and just see. I wish I could tell them how much I care, how much I feel too and experience the same kinds of experiences. But few look back, or even see me- they just walk on (that is life, I suppose).

I have also begun to notice how much I romanticize the men (am I old enough to say that?) I have ever fallen for, and even some of the beautiful people in my life that I sometimes confuse for being better than anyone else. I still check occasionally into the delusions of my "autumn" and "ocean" boys haha- they were important to the development of my self-esteem and romantic view of life at those points, but they are essentially removed from my life. I never actually got close enough to see if those kinds of lovely expectations are even possible (and I am almost positive that they are not). Sadly, I cannot say I have totally moved on from this stage, but I do not think I will ever stop being hopeful and mesmerized by nice-seeming people.

I have had some long car rides this weekend, and a lot of time to reflect and think. I feel like there's something just on the horizon- an opportunity, a new person of importance, an idea, a really good ice cream- there is something there that is calling to me and I feel like it is going to permanently change my life. Needless to say, I am pretty pumped.

P.S. thank you so much for making my blog at 5,000 views since it's little baby conception (although I am pretty sure a large number of those were from spam sites haha). My blog has definitely come a long way since sophomore me started it, and I hope to carry it with me wherever I go (which might be France for a little while, but I will talk about that later).

Have a good week,

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