Wednesday, March 6, 2013

feedback if at all possible, please

Dear Mom and Dad (& by default, everyone who reads this),

This letter will not quite be like those little notes I always leave on the kitchen counter when I get home late at night- the ones you find in the morning long before I wake up. At GSP, my summer program almost two whole years ago, I remember sending a text saying that I wanted to grow up and change the world. I saw a while back that you had saved that text all this time.

I think you believe and would like to see all of us- me and the other two- change the world someday. I guess that is one of those weird desires parents have that their kids can feel if they truly are loved: to see their kids off and accomplishing great things. Like birds, all of us kids are finally starting to grow up and leave the nest, one at time, yet very quickly.

I have to tell you something that is very difficult, Mom. I know you and Dad have encouraged me so much about college- about getting a degree and working hard. And I truly appreciate that so much, as it has gotten me so far. I am here at a great university on a grand scholarship- I am taking college classes and making friends and attempting to grow up and be independent, one little piece at a time. But there is something else you have been pushing too- some things that I have not appreciated so much. These things include accounting, radiology (despite my disgust concerning the human body), law school (that was mostly Dad), and more.

I know you want the best for me, and I know that you just want to see me succeed, but it makes it so much more difficult to decide on a major or degree that I can truly feel passionate about when I feel like it will not gain enough- like I will not be enough with that. It is actually terrifying to think my passion as in dying trades. I cannot imagine you doing this same thing with my sister, who is so passionate about graphic design, or my brother, who although does not care as much about academics, has specific athletic and academic interests that he does pursue. I have interests too, Mom, but they sadly lie in none of those things that will earn me a lot of money.

I think you (hopefully) know some of the truths that will make us both happy. Maybe you do not always see them, but I think the thoughts are there, even if you do not want to acknowledge them. I do not believe my major limits my capabilities for my life. I do not believe that me picking two majors and having a minor or two is going to hurt me, no matter what they are in. Honestly, I think my future career is not in something that is a set in stone, major-to-degree-to-office kind of job: it is a wild and beautiful love affair that does not even come from a specific major, but lies in a combination of the things I love: music, God, French, writing, charity, traveling, eclectic things.

So, after reading these things, I hope you feel a lot more open when I say I did not enjoy accounting (even though I did try it), and that I am probably going to major in something like English or French (because I enjoy/am good at those things), and minor in Business (because I do know it is important, and I like math still, but I do not overly enjoy it). You want big things out of my life, and I certainly still want them, too. They do not, however, fit the most luxurious, easiest possibility of my future. I am just asking for your support, because I am going to change the world, Mom. Your children are world-changers: that is how you brought us up to be. With your & Dad's love, we learned to love and chase what we love, and that is all I am trying to do now.

Always your little bird,


Unknown said...

We all have our path in life. I for a long time could not figure out what I wanted at all because I had too many pushing me in every which direction. One I did feel was what I wanted to do, but just because I was so pushed towards it, it felt so uninviting. I was finally able to clear my mind, dispel the cacophony of voices and listen to my own. Now my path is set, and I'm going on it, for how ever long God deems it my path. You'll do great things made all the greater in that you followed your heart and the path it led you down.

Unknown said...

Late-night musing, huh? Thanks for following by the way! :) But honestly, thank you so so much for sharing- I am really happy for you that you have found your path. Hopefully mine will become more clear to me soon, because at this point I am not sure what it definitely looks like haha, but I know that I am safe on it.

Unknown said...

You may not recognize it yet, but you're already on your path. And you're welcome :)