Thursday, December 19, 2013

a truth

Sometimes we are forced to face our demons. Sometimes our hearts are stuck in swirling eddies of hate and despair and darkness. And sometimes we feel vengeful, striking out against those things and persons which give us pain.

I came home, in an already worn state, to reminders of the broken fragments of good relationships I once held with people. Guilt and agony wracked my thoughts at the painful words of people I once did and honestly still do care deeply about.

I am so sorry that I hurt people trying to get what I thought was the right thing for everyone. I am most sorry because even when I did care before, it was at an immature and unjust level that I can only understand now with some wisdom and growth in my faith and capacity for love. I was so selfish, and am still so selfish, and I am very saddened by that. But God has a purpose for this. I have grown a lot, I am just at this juncture very unsure of what to do with the some wisdom I have gained. My heart is in darkness, and all I want is light.

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